KMC Forums - The Unholy Wedding of SelphieT, Scythe & Kayakat

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Church bells ring as a massive black coated goat ascends from the underworld. Flames awash nearby pedestrians and shatter nearby McDonald�s windows sending sharp glass directly at innocent, happy meal eating kids. Blood stains make their way down the street creating a makeshift red carpet for an unholy union of souls. The massive goat makes a stop in front of a black bricked church adorned with stained glass windows depicting baby eating and pentagrams. Scythe unfold his disease ridden wheelchair from below the massive goat�s underbelly straps on the saddle. He sits his disease carrying ass on the wheelchair and extends his hoof to a young, pretty woman in a blood stained wedding dress. Her name is SelphieT, grateful queen of the north and ice. Forbidden rapist of biblical proportions, she arrives to the black church to renew her vows with the goat demigod.

�That took forever! I�m hungry and angry Scythe! You hear me? I�m hangry!� Yelled SelphieT

�I know, I know! Thanks for the ride mom! See you at the reception!� Assures Scythe as the massive blackened goat descends back to the underworld. Perhaps to figure out what she�s going to wear.

Guests arrive slowly in pairs as they make their forsaken way toward the church. The while murmuring to themselves on what a crock of bovine waste this event is. Even though the snackies served will be enough for them to eat and steal. Faraday makes her way down the aisle and affixes Reverend Axel�s unholy suit.

�I must look so awesome, that everyone in the back row�s head will explode from squinting too hard to see my awesome looks.� Says Reverend Axel.

�I�m sorry what? I couldn�t hear you on account that I was trying to keep my head from exploding in front of your awesomeness!� Replies Faraday.

Two death bringing, massive, infested goats arrive to the scene there to support their son�s polygamist ways. Rogue Jedi, Bloigen, Tired Hiker and Roland, Kramer, Barker, Sol and TRH arrive in single file as the groom�s best men. Soon they are followed by Mywi, Syren, Passione, Morning Glory, Tiffy, Naz, LethalFemme, Bun Bun, Piggle Humsy and Alley make their way along to the bride�s side of the black church as the maids of honor.

Silver Tears makes her runs around the church being a hell of a photographer. Taking keepsake pictures that will be slowly burnt into every visitors retinas upon leaving. Lance Windu, Vinny and Strangelove enter the church and find their seats as everyone quiets down for the event to happen.

The main doors open as the small timid goat, Scythe, wheels his ass toward the alter, receiving a wet willy from Reverend Axel upon arrival.

�It�s a tradition!� announces Axel.

Just outside, SelphieT await�s a horse drawn carriage carrying precious cargo. Finally, right on the hour, two skinless horses make their way down the chaotic city being laid to waste by zoo animals and made feral by undisclosed informants working on Scythe�s behalf. The carriage comes to a stop and out and out comes Kayakat, the fairest and most gorgeous queen of the entire sarcastic realm. Her uncanny beauty which has once sent countless warships to battle, has blessed the infernal goat demigod on this joyous day.

�Is everything ready?� Asks Kayakat.

�Ready as they will always be with that goat bastard.� Replies SelphieT.

Harps go insane as violins are pulled apart and tortured to create death metal wedding music, as the main door swings open. Faraday makes her way down the aisle tossing cut open frogs from her flower basket creating a bloodbath and nailing a few attendees in the face with acidic tortured frogs. SelphieT makes her way in with her tattered, bloody wedding dress and bouquet composed of crickets and puppy entrails. Beautiful and not worried over the fact that Scythe�s period blood stained her wedding dress, she walks along side Kayakat. Poised with a smile, the two wonderful brides march up the aisle to the theme of Sanford & Son.

�Well now, if we may begin, does anyone object to the joining of these three souls?� Says Reverend Axel.

�I OBJECT!� Screams Fuze_Lover.

�You�re done Fuze!� Replies Axel.

�The checks in the mail�� says Fuze_Lover, as she storms out of the church.

�Okay, that won�t be the last we hear from her, but anyways, Scythe, what have you got to say?� Asks Axel.

�Wait!� Interrupts SelphieT. �I have to do something before we go on.�

Taking mini steps, she rushes toward the back and unscrews the light bulb that�s directly about Vinny, Lance Windu and Strangelove.

�Okie!, let�s do this shit!� Says SelphieT.

�Alright, Scythe, what have you written to renew your vows with SelphieT and marry Kayakat?� Asks Axel.

�Well, SelphieT, it�s been one awesome year married to someone who means the world to me. I�de be dead in a pile of your puke if it weren�t for the brave firefighters who commonly go to our house on a daily basis. I wouldn�t have it any other way though. Kayakat, the minute I saw, and like, waited about half a year, I knew you were the girl who�s ass I had to pee in. Your brutally good looks, and great personality are enough to make an even bigger woman out of me and I can�t stop giggling like a schoolgirl when you poke my bellybutton. Which was weird when you super glued your finger to my bellybutton. Boy were those three months weird! Haha! I eat babies and food, that all go in my mouth, for that matter, whatever happened to that Mervyn�s lady? You know, that �Open-Open-Open� lady? I miss her loony antics that caused me to break a popsicle in half, then cry myself to sleep. Mmm, fruit roll up hot pants�. Gurgh�.. I have an itch on my left butt cheek, seven days from today though�. Okay, I�m done!� Recites Scythe.

�Okay� that served for nothing, anyways, SelphieT, what have you to say about your goat husband?� Asks Axel.

�Well, I break what I wants cuz I pay the bills, I knew since the first time I laid eyes on his deformed looking wheelchair, I knew I had to be the one who pushed him down the stairs. Umm, he�s my rape toy, my goat toy, my dickly buffet and above all else, he is not Adolf Hitler�s stunt butt as many believe!� Says SelphieT in a sweet manner.

�Alrighty then, I can see why you two married each other. Now, sweet Kayakat, what have you to say about your soon to be goat husband?� Asks Axel.

�Scythe I love you, you make me the happiest kitty that ever lived. you make me smile, you make me giggle You make me wanna do anything for you, I love you with all my heart� Recites Kayakat in all her majesty.

�Well, may we have the rings?� Questions Axel.

From the church�s entrance, a small pony tailed boy scurries his way toward the front. Mumbling to himself that �he thought, no never mind� in a dwarf manner. Little Xerus Terwilliger from lollipop lane makes his way over to the groom, but stumbles onto the ground sending all three rings directly to Scythe�s mouth, in which he swallows them and an awkward moment is shared by all.

*Seven hours and three mid-church operations later*

�Well, we salvaged the ring, now, by the power invested in me by the state of [SPOILER - highlight to read]: your mom, I know pronounce you: goat wife, goat wife, and sickly, pale, inbred goat demigod thingy. You may all kiss each other three way style while I film! Huzzah!!� Announces Axel.
The happy trio soon make out in a complete �AHHH SHEET, NO THEY DI�INT� manner and both push the cockgoblin groom down the aisle to their limo driven by Magic Johnson.

�Onto the first McDonald�s on your right Magic! We�ere off to see the wizard, I mean, honeymoon!� Says Scythe.

The End

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