Alright, so I've been really good friends with this one girl for a loooooong time. We've been through A LOT. This is a friendship that has taken years to build up to what it is now, and we're best friends right now. I've been dating this one gal for about a year and a half now, and she's been fine with it (this best friend of mine is also my ex). Only very recently, however, my gf has been having real issues with me being friends with my ex.
Nothing between my ex and I have changed, we haven't done anything questionable, nothing like that. I've been fighting with my girlfriend for about 5 months now over this, huge fighting matches over me being friends with her. You see, I have this principal that people should never pick a girlfriend over a friend.
I decided about three days ago to just end it with my friend...I'll do that for my gf right now. I'll hate myself for it. I'll throw my principles in the water and do it. I don't need everyone on here to lecture me on why and how I'm being terrible person. I know I am.
I'm basically asking for help on how to end the friendship. We're really close. And I know it is going to hurt her beyond belief...I'm thinking a hand written letter to show I put time and effort into it? I don't know, though...thoughts? Help, bitte?
If we were married, I would easily pick her over my friend. However, we're still dating, and nothing is certain, which is why I wouldn't choose a gf over a friend. Friends, on average, last longer.
And doing it via text, to me, is ridiculously different than doing it via letter. A letter is something you write out in full, your own writing, adds a personal touch to it.
I'm not sure I could do it in person, though. I'm a history major, I'm better with writing words, rather than saying them, especially if I had to tell her this face to face. I know it would kill her, so I would want to do it somewhere private.
And dadudemon, I've tried the whole hang out with her when my gf is there thing and it doesn't matter to her at all. And I should rephrase, my gf IS my best friend. This other friend is, out of my regular friends, my best friend of them.
Without lecturing you, all I can say is shame on you if you ditch your friend for a relationship.
Your GF needs to lose her jealously streak. If she truly trusts you for what you are, she should realize that you and your ex would never try anything and that you are just friends.
Relationships come and go, but true friendship is a thing of beauty. If the shoe was on the other foot, would you want to be thrown to the curb like that?
All I can say is that you seriously need to re-evaluate your situation, dude.
"Bros before hos", or in this case, friends over pussy.
I asked my wife to marry me after 3 months of data. We got married 7 months later. So you've been with your GF longer than I was with my wife before we got married.
You probably knew your GF longer than I knew my wife before we got married: I met my wife at a party and we dated very shortly thereafter.
What I'm saying is: "married or not" you've been together for far too long to use the marriage excuse.
It sounds like you've already made up your mind to loathe your GF for making you do this. This relationship will end.
You have been with your girlfriend for 18 months now, am I correct? And she has been okay with this other platonic relationship for a year? Was there any reason why she suddenly started to have issues with this friendship?
Impediment is right to the nth degree. You've been with your girlfriend for a long time now- she shouldn't be forcing you to abandon your core beliefs and not trusting your word. Unless there is something you have not said about why she suddenly started "huge fighting matches" over something she didn't have issues with in the beginning.
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As for answering your question...a letter might have a nice touch, but I think ultimately talking is the way to go.
I'm kinda in the same boat. I can write words better than I can speak them. But if this is someone who is your best friend, you should have no difficulty in communicating what you have to say.
In fact, this person might expect you to talk to her about it.
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I acknowledged in my original post that I am being a terrible person for doing what I'm doing. I would hate myself if I were in my friends position. I know what I'm doing. I've given it lots of thought, I know what I'm doing. And nothing has happened between her and I that would make my gf suspicious or anything. She has never liked us being friends, I don't understand what suddenly changed 5-6 months ago.
But, really, thank you for all of your comments and opinions on everything. It has helped a lot. I think I know what I'm going to do.
Personally, I think you're whipped by your girlfriend.
Why throw out your innocent friendship for a jealous significant other? If she's acting like this now, just imagine what she'll be like later down the road. By that point, your friendship with this other girl will already be ****ed.
"The Daemon lied with every breath. It could not help itself but to deceive and dismay, to riddle and ruin. The more we conversed, the closer I drew to one singularly ineluctable fact: I would gain no wisdom here."
Trash you best friend. Get the new GF, have fun with her as long as it lasts and when she leaves you go back to your best friend and say you have been an idiot and you are so sorry, blabla, she will forgive you, else she wouldn't have been your best friend, right? After that try to have fun with her.
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Require Some Help, bitte!
Aug 23rd, 2011 09:32 PM
