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Primitive Screwhead
Bullsh*tt!
 Gender: Male
Location: Switching channels |
 Celebrity Deathmatch... Bond Style!
Didn't see anything like this posted yet, so I thought I would start a similar topic to that found in the general discussion forum. Pitch two 007 characters (Anything goes except James himself...villains, henchmen, Bond girls are all fair game) against each other and discuss who would win and why. Mine first:
Round 1:
Xenia Onatopp (Famke Janssen) v. May Day (Grace Jones)
Breakdown:
While Max Zorin's little Amazon certainly had the intimidation look down, she just doesn't stand up to someone who actually got aroused by pain. The longer this matchup goes on, the more this matchup works in Xenia's favor. Just keep her away from those parachutes!
Projection:
Xenia in four rounds by TKO.
Comment, or introduce the next matchup!
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Artwork by Cinemaddiction!!!
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Dec 10th, 2003 06:43 PM |
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A.D. Skinner
Assistant Director
 Gender: Male
Location: F.B.I. Headquarters |
Alright Primative - Good thread...this I can work with.
Round 2:
Jaws ( Richard Kiel - Moonraker ) Vs. OddJob ( Harold Sakata - Goldfinger )
Although OddJob might have the upper had being able to use his hat as a viable weapon...I think he would be overmatched by Jaws, for Jaws could simply catch the hat in his teeth and then tear it apart as Oddjob watched in horror.
Projection:
Jaws in 2 rounds...The Tyson Move...biting of the ear.
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Dec 11th, 2003 09:46 PM |
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Primitive Screwhead
Bullsh*tt!
Gender: Male
Location: Switching channels |
I think that the biting would be grounds for disqualification, not that O.J. would still be alive to claim the match. Next up:
Round 3: Ultra-Flyweight Division
Nick Nack vs. Mr. Kidd
Looks like there'll be a few hits below the belt in this matchup. If he's not too careful, good old Mr. Kidd could find himself getting knocked out of his already light loafers by Scaramanga's small wonder in the first couple of rounds. But Mr. Kidd's playful tendencies and lighthearted demeanor should keep him circling the ring for awhile.
Unfortunately, the coaching techniques of life-partner Wint are no match for the Golden Gun golden child, and poor Mr. Kidd will find that not all diamonds are forever... as Nick Nack will take to the low road and deliver mighty blow after blow to the family jewels.
Projection:
Nick Nack in nine rounds.
__________________
Artwork by Cinemaddiction!!!
Last edited by Primitive Screwhead on Dec 12th, 2003 at 04:36 AM
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Dec 12th, 2003 04:34 AM |
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Ahnold
The Great Governator
 Gender: Male
Location: Califohrnia |
Round 4: Boris vs Bambi And Thumper
Lured into the ring on the promise of a new AppleMac, Boris is immediately wailed on by the feisty duo. And then sat on. Repeatedly. Just to make sure. Invincible indeed...
Bambi And Thumper in 5 seconds
__________________
Ahnold Sez: (From "Total Recall") "If I am not me, who duh hell am I?"
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Dec 15th, 2003 12:25 PM |
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Discos
The Ultimate Eagle
 Gender: Male
Location: Scotland |
this is supposed to be celebrity deathmatch, get some weapons and big deaths or something.....also I dont think Jaws should be DQ'd as the deathmatch rules would allow it to continue??
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"In the year of our Lord 1314, patriots of Scotland, starving and outnumbered, charged the fields at Bannockburn. They fought like warrior poets. They fought like Scotsmen. And won their freedom."
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Dec 16th, 2003 08:25 PM |
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Discos
The Ultimate Eagle
Gender: Male
Location: Scotland |
Round 3: Posh & Rich Division
Max Zorin Vs Willard Whyte
Well The fighters do take a while to reach the ring as they're walletsare holding them back. Both Men Circle the ring for many rounds with no punches being given or even a single hit been made...
Projection:
Dra, Both fighters were paid to take a dive 
__________________
"In the year of our Lord 1314, patriots of Scotland, starving and outnumbered, charged the fields at Bannockburn. They fought like warrior poets. They fought like Scotsmen. And won their freedom."
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Dec 16th, 2003 08:32 PM |
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Primitive Screwhead
Bullsh*tt!
Gender: Male
Location: Switching channels |
So.... the crowd demands bloodlust!! No better way than by pitting two disappointing supporting villainesses in a catfight to the death. I give you...
THE CAGE MATCH!!!!!
Round 4: Miranda Frost vs. Electra King
Miss King kicks off the match with hopes that her bondage chair proves to be more successful than it was on 007. But before the final twist can be applied to Miss Frost's fragile neck, the end-of-round bell sounds.... allowing Miranda the chance to bring her expert swordsmanship into play.
No Renard to nab you away this time, Electra. It's Kibbles 'n Bits for you as Miranda applies the slice and dice... and we have our first fatality of the evening, ladies and gentlemen!!!!
Decision: Miranda Frost wins in three rounds by decapitation.
__________________
Artwork by Cinemaddiction!!!
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Dec 17th, 2003 03:56 AM |
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Ahnold
The Great Governator
Gender: Male
Location: Califohrnia |
Whaddaya MEAN rounds 3 and 4? I made a round 3!
__________________
Ahnold Sez: (From "Total Recall") "If I am not me, who duh hell am I?"
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Dec 17th, 2003 08:00 PM |
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A.D. Skinner
Assistant Director
Gender: Male
Location: F.B.I. Headquarters |
Round 7 - The Alter Ego Round
Mr. Big vs. Dr. Kananga
Dr. Kananga starts off by offering his home grown Heroin to Mr. Big, trancing him into a lull. Mr Big, trying to retaliate uses his Filet of soul food to counter the effects, only manages to eat too much and explode as he has over stuffed himself.
Seeing as they are one in the same...there is no winner, and yet no loser. It is a draw !
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Dec 17th, 2003 09:02 PM |
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Primitive Screwhead
Bullsh*tt!
Gender: Male
Location: Switching channels |
The crowd stands in confusion...
__________________
Artwork by Cinemaddiction!!!
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Dec 17th, 2003 09:33 PM |
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thorncrawler
very with the sexy W_E
 Gender: Male
Location: United Kingdom |
ok and for the piece de resistance
a bond deathmatch special, a bond free for all, for the first time in 20 films, or 40 years, every single bond is here tonight, and they will fight to the death tonight, after these important messeges!
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@->--"victims arn't we all"
the glass may be half full but the bottles empty
i was  with yumcarrots, now im with wicked_elphie
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Jan 29th, 2004 11:58 AM |
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Ahnold
The Great Governator
Gender: Male
Location: Califohrnia |
Wow these messages have gone on for a while. Did Connery win?
__________________
Ahnold Sez: (From "Total Recall") "If I am not me, who duh hell am I?"
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Feb 8th, 2004 12:54 PM |
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Primitive Screwhead
Bullsh*tt!
Gender: Male
Location: Switching channels |
By default when Moore was DQ'ed for trying to use Zorin's blimp as a suppository on Dalton.
__________________
Artwork by Cinemaddiction!!!
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Feb 9th, 2004 02:21 AM |
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Ahnold
The Great Governator
Gender: Male
Location: Califohrnia |
Bump!
Well Connery WOULD win, wouldn't he?
__________________
Ahnold Sez: (From "Total Recall") "If I am not me, who duh hell am I?"
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Dec 20th, 2004 12:16 PM |
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yerssot
Senior Member
Gender: Unspecified
Location: |
everyone could, why would?
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Dec 20th, 2004 12:21 PM |
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Ahnold
The Great Governator
Gender: Male
Location: Califohrnia |
The other four would just be too afraid of him to take him on  .
__________________
Ahnold Sez: (From "Total Recall") "If I am not me, who duh hell am I?"
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Dec 20th, 2004 12:33 PM |
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yerssot
Senior Member
Gender: Unspecified
Location: |
cause he would smack the girls?
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Dec 20th, 2004 12:35 PM |
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Ahnold
The Great Governator
Gender: Male
Location: Califohrnia |
Some of the others did too, I think {like Pierce hitting Xenia in "GE"}.
I just said that Connery would win because I like him the best ...
__________________
Ahnold Sez: (From "Total Recall") "If I am not me, who duh hell am I?"
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Dec 20th, 2004 12:41 PM |
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yerssot
Senior Member
Gender: Unspecified
Location: |
but that was in the heat of the moment, connery did it for fun so to speak 
but nothing based upon? cause when it comes to being icecold, that would be Dalton
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Dec 20th, 2004 06:09 PM |
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Ahnold
The Great Governator
Gender: Male
Location: Califohrnia |
Ah but you're forgetting something vital, yerss old chap; a man can't truly win a fight unless he's got that cutting wit to back up the fisticuffs. Dalton was kind of lacking in that department ...
__________________
Ahnold Sez: (From "Total Recall") "If I am not me, who duh hell am I?"
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Dec 20th, 2004 07:10 PM |
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