"Local Police found the severely beaten corpse of a local High School Student, Forsythe Pendelton Jones. There was no trace of alcohol in the young man's body though the Coroners did find seventeen undigested hamburgers in his stomach. As of yet there are few leads as to the identity of the assailant but police have interviewed eye witnesses who claimed that they saw a large man in a gimp mask accosting the victim."
But in all seriousness this is spite.