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Rate my poem plz
Started by: SamIel

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SamIel
One With Blades

Gender: Female
Location: in a room.. a dark padded room.....

Rate my poem plz

plz rate my poem

Endless Tormet

Lost forever at the seas
The ocean of death
Filled with blood
And the bloated corpses
Drown in the pain you caused
The happenings of your torment
Your victims all slit their wrists
Some hang by the rope
The only hope they knew
For your words made them feel worthless
But they are worth more then you know
So now go taste your hurt
Taste the blood you spilt
Kiss the corpses
Tell them your sorry
Now I take the blade
And cut your throat
Gasp you're sorry
As I throw you
Into the waves of torment
You're swollowed by the sea
Dragged down by the lives you ruined

rate it plz

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Apr 7th, 2006 04:46 PM

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SamIel
One With Blades

Gender: Female
Location: in a room.. a dark padded room.....

rate from 1-10, 1 being the lowest

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they're all dead, they just don't know it yet

Apr 7th, 2006 04:53 PM

Eternal Turmoil
owned.

Gender: Male
Location: look up. :)

Apr 7th, 2006 04:54 PM

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SamIel
One With Blades

Gender: Female
Location: in a room.. a dark padded room.....

anyone at all?

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Apr 7th, 2006 05:32 PM

Eternal Turmoil
owned.

Gender: Male
Location: look up. :)

Sorry bout that. I just think this poem is soooo ... heavy? stick out tongue

But cool.

Apr 7th, 2006 06:41 PM

SamIel
One With Blades

Gender: Female
Location: in a room.. a dark padded room.....

o ok.. lol

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Apr 7th, 2006 09:06 PM

Coldfire
<3 <3 <3

Gender: Female
Location: Vancouver, Canada

wow I know this style all too well lol. It needs some punctuation though, else it could be a bit hard to read. I would give it an... 8.6/10 happy

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Apr 8th, 2006 06:45 AM

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Syren
dreaming

Gender: Female
Location: every which way but loose

I'm gonna go for a 6/10. It's good, but as Cold said, you need some punctuation. Good effort!

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ThorinWoofer

Apr 8th, 2006 09:17 AM

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Otus
A come-back maker!

Gender: Male
Location: Finland

In my opinion, poem needs to rhyme:

I�m eating fish,
which is my fetish.

Next I eat some cat,
they say it�s low-fat...

Okay, that was awful!! laughing out loud

But I guess that your poem is ok in it�s genre. I give 7,5/10

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Apr 8th, 2006 09:24 AM

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Council#13
The Omega Male

Gender: Male
Location: In your pants

My lord, that is very.... graphic.... violent.... dark.... um.... I'm kinda scared

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"Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one." -Dr. Seuss

Apr 8th, 2006 02:23 PM

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justjakk
Evil Bunny

Gender: Male
Location: In written pages

Re: Rate my poem plz

quote: (post)
Originally posted by SamIel
plz rate my poem

Endless Tormet

Lost forever at the seas
The ocean of death
Filled with blood
And the bloated corpses
Drown in the pain you caused
The happenings of your torment
Your victims all slit their wrists
Some hang by the rope
The only hope they knew
For your words made them feel worthless
But they are worth more then you know
So now go taste your hurt
Taste the blood you spilt
Kiss the corpses
Tell them your sorry
Now I take the blade
And cut your throat
Gasp you're sorry
As I throw you
Into the waves of torment
You're swollowed by the sea
Dragged down by the lives you ruined

rate it plz

you painted a picture of heartbreak and hurt with blood and gore..no matter the punctuation..was pretty good..the only thing i dont like about it is that it seemed to jump all over the idea and was kinda confusing...however, i knew what you were getting at...i would go along with sy and give it a 6/10

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Justjakk in the box altered images Justjakk in the box twisted lyrics

Apr 8th, 2006 03:18 PM

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Coldfire
<3 <3 <3

Gender: Female
Location: Vancouver, Canada

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Otus
In my opinion, poem needs to rhyme:

I�m eating fish,
which is my fetish.

Next I eat some cat,
they say it�s low-fat...

Okay, that was awful!!

But I guess that your poem is ok in it�s genre. I give 7,5/10

lol aren't you a strange one stick out tongue

quote: (post)
Originally posted by justjakk
you painted a picture of heartbreak and hurt with blood and gore..no matter the punctuation..was pretty good..the only thing i dont like about it is that it seemed to jump all over the idea and was kinda confusing...however, i knew what you were getting at...i would go along with sy and give it a 6/10

Hmmm yeah I can see what you mean there yes

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Apr 8th, 2006 11:51 PM

Syren
dreaming

Gender: Female
Location: every which way but loose

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Otus
In my opinion, poem needs to rhyme:

I�m eating fish,
which is my fetish.

Next I eat some cat,
they say it�s low-fat...

Okay, that was awful!!

But I guess that your poem is ok in it�s genre. I give 7,5/10

Poems don't need to rhyme, but as that's your opinion, why do you think so? smile

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ThorinWoofer

Apr 9th, 2006 10:07 AM

SamIel
One With Blades

Gender: Female
Location: in a room.. a dark padded room.....

i have several other poems too.. do u think i should type them up on here as well?

__________________
they're all dead, they just don't know it yet

Apr 10th, 2006 06:20 PM

Null
Senior Member

Gender: Unspecified
Location:

quote: (post)
Originally posted by SamIel
i have several other poems too.. do u think i should type them up on here as well?

Yes

Apr 10th, 2006 06:36 PM

SamIel
One With Blades

Gender: Female
Location: in a room.. a dark padded room.....

ok then... i will type my next poem...

__________________
they're all dead, they just don't know it yet

Apr 10th, 2006 06:41 PM

SamIel
One With Blades

Gender: Female
Location: in a room.. a dark padded room.....

Reflection of Deceit

Anger fills the mind
Rage torments the soul
Forever bound by the hatred love
Bleeding by the blade
Of which is in your hand
I grasp my arm
Trying to hold the flesh together
I look up
Only to see
The one thing I feared
The one holding the blade
I look up and see
The only thing in my sight
Is my reflection
In the mirror of deceit

__________________
they're all dead, they just don't know it yet

Apr 10th, 2006 06:45 PM

SamIel
One With Blades

Gender: Female
Location: in a room.. a dark padded room.....

soo.. what does everyone think?

__________________
they're all dead, they just don't know it yet

Apr 10th, 2006 06:51 PM

Council#13
The Omega Male

Gender: Male
Location: In your pants

You've got a strange, dark personality, and your poetry is an outlet for your fustration and anger. that's my opinion. But good poem! thumb up

yah....

__________________

"Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one." -Dr. Seuss

Apr 11th, 2006 12:47 PM

SamIel
One With Blades

Gender: Female
Location: in a room.. a dark padded room.....

thx... it is an outlet for my anger and rage.. but i can't seem to write any happy poems.. it kinda sux, but i like the darker poems better anyways.. lol

__________________
they're all dead, they just don't know it yet

Apr 11th, 2006 04:27 PM

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