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Deep Thoughts by RZA...a thread about poetry and stuff
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RZA
Shaolin Monk

Gender: Unspecified
Location: Somewhere in the Far East, training

Deep Thoughts by RZA...a thread about poetry and stuff

Ahem...*clears throat*

I title this "The Winds of Change"

I met a girl named Karen
She seemed really sweet
I thought she had it all
In fact, I thought she was really neat

I took her to a hotel
a lovely stately home
she looked at me seductively
I switched off my mobile phone

I dined and romanced her
bought her flowers and wine
then whisked her up the staircase
to room one ninety nine

Lovingly I carried her
into the bathroom suite
I had filled the place with candles
put down the toilet seat!

I placed her in the bubbles
and she gave a sensual laugh
but the ambiance soon vanished
when she farted in the bath.

*Takes bow*

Thank you, Thank you....


__________________

‘Sorry but I just can’t trust anything that bleeds for about a week and doesn’t die’ My poetry and stuff

Old Post Jul 4th, 2006 04:54 AM
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RZA
Shaolin Monk

Gender: Unspecified
Location: Somewhere in the Far East, training

Another...

I title this one...'Goodbye to an Old Friend'

Ahem....

Now I'm old and feeble,
And my pilot light is out,
What used to be my sex appeal
Is now my water spout.

'Twas a time, when of it's own accord
From my trousers it would spring,
But now I have a part time job
To find the blasted thing.

I used to be embarrassed
To make that thing behave,
For every single morning
It would stand and watch me shave.

But as old age approaches
It sure gives me the blues,
To see it hang it's withered head
And watch me tie my shoes. sad

Thank you...thank you...

More to come....


__________________

‘Sorry but I just can’t trust anything that bleeds for about a week and doesn’t die’ My poetry and stuff

Old Post Jul 4th, 2006 04:56 AM
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Coldfire
<3 <3 <3

Gender: Female
Location: Vancouver, Canada

lol.... well... I'm not sure what to say to those... stick out tongue


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Old Post Jul 4th, 2006 06:20 AM
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RZA
Shaolin Monk

Gender: Unspecified
Location: Somewhere in the Far East, training

And now for a moment of reflection.

Hmm….now that I think about it….

When someone’s thought of being a possible racist, why is it that the common acceptable excuse is, oh he’s just old fashioned, what the hell is that suppose to mean anyway?

Is eating a mermaid considered cannibalism? And what type of wine would go with that?

Why is it called the People's Republic Of China when China's not a republic?

If a pope goes to the bathroom, is it considered holy crap?

You know the saying "throw ya hands in the air and wave em like ya just don't care"? why bother doing that if you don’t care?

If "Fantasy Island" really granted wishes, why wasn't Tattoo taller?

If all of ACME's products backfire, why does Wile E. Coyote keep buying them?

Why do we have to pay a toll on "freeways"?

What is a hacky, and why is it in a sack?

If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot?

Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?

Why don’t they make the damn plane out of what that ‘black box’ is made of?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?

If you're in hell, and are mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?

How does Santa get into a house that doesn't have a chimney?

Why do grocery stores have so many checkout line registers if they only keep 3 or 4 open?

Why is it good to be a Daddy's girl, but bad to be a Momma's boy?

Why do you get on a bus and a train but get into a car?

If a Man is talking in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

Why is it thought of as pathetic and disgusting when a guy masturbates but when a woman does it it's considered sexy and liberating?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

How can you actually hear yourself think?

Why do hotdogs come in packs of 8 when hotdog rolls come in packs of 10?

If Practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?

Why is an elevator still called an elevator even when it’s going down?

If the professor on Giligan's Island could make a radio out of coconut, why couldn't he fix the hole in the damn boat?

If milk is suppose to be so good for you, how come you never see any cows drinking it?

How come psychics always ask you for your name and where you're calling from? Shouldn't they already know that?

Why do we feel blue? and what color does a smurf feel when they are down?

Why are things typed up but written down?

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

How do you throw away a garbage can?

As you get old, why is it you start to lose the hair on your head but start growing more out of your ears?

If you had x-ray vision, but closed your eyes, could you still see?

When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?

Why is it when we ask for the check in a restaurant they bring us a bill?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

Is the weather forecast in heaven always partly cloudy?

Why is Bill short for William and Bob short for Robert? Shouldn’t it be Will and Rob?

If marriage means you fell in love, does divorce mean you climbed out?

Does it really count in court when an atheist is sworn in under oath using a Bible?

How do they get the air inside those bubble wraps anyway?

Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just lay around all day?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

How come you can kill a deer and put it on your wall but it's illegal to keep them as a pet?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

When people say they see a ghost, is the ghost clothed or naked? Why would a ghost need to wear clothes?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

If you traveled back in time and committed suicide would you disappear then or in the future?

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man?

If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

Why do most superheroes wear spandex?

You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to people that work nights?

Why would you say have a nice weekend to a person who’s unemployed? To them weekends are meaningless?

Can a homeless person be put on house arrest?

When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

If Hooters were to become a door-to-door service would they have to change their name to Knockers?

Are coffins sold with lifetime guarantees?

Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David?

Do people really crap their pants before they die?

What was Captain Hook's name before he had a hook for a hand?

Isn't it weird that all year round we tell our kids not to play with fire, but on Independence Day we hand them a package of explosives, a lighter, and say have fun?

Wasn’t it strange that all our lives we were told by our parents to never take candy from strangers but 1 day every year it was perfectly ok?

How come water is the most abundant resource on the planet, yet they have the nerve to charge you a dollar for it?

If a baseball player hits a home run over the fence, but then passes out before he can finish running around the bases, does the home run still count?

Why is it called a soap opera? Where’s the soap and where’s the opera?

If a stripper gets breast implants can she write it off on her taxes as a business expense?

If you are old and are in a bathtub how would you know if you have been in there too long?

Do suicide hotlines have call waiting?


__________________

‘Sorry but I just can’t trust anything that bleeds for about a week and doesn’t die’ My poetry and stuff

Old Post Jul 4th, 2006 07:33 AM
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Coldfire
<3 <3 <3

Gender: Female
Location: Vancouver, Canada

That's a long list lol


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Old Post Jul 5th, 2006 07:14 AM
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Weeping Fairy
Senior Member

Gender: Female
Location: listening to music

laughing laughing omg thats hilarious, love it!


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VISIT MY MYSPACE!! http://www.myspace.com/dancin_in_the_rain715

Old Post Jul 17th, 2006 07:57 PM
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RZA
Shaolin Monk

Gender: Unspecified
Location: Somewhere in the Far East, training

Amusing Quotes about women...

"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."
"Women should be obscene and not heard."
"I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls."
-- Groucho Marx

"All women are good - good for nothing, or good for something."
-- Miguel De Cervantes

"For me there are only two type of women: goddesses and doormats."
-- Pablo Picasso

"Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend."
-- Marcel Achard

"Women: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbours seeing."
-- Sean Williamson

"You don't know a women till you've met her in court."
-- Norman Mailer

"A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after."
-- Gloria Steinem

"Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both."
-- Samuel Butler

"Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one."
-- W.C. Fields

"Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone."
-- Lenny Bruce

"One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money."
-- Edgar Watson Howe

"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often."
-- Oliver Herford

"Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon."
-- Tim Allen

"Why would I make one woman so miserable when I can make so many women very happy?"
-- Benny Hill

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
-- Lewis Grizzard

"My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects."
-- Les Dawson

"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her."
-- W.C. Fields

"A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home."
-- Rodney Dangerfield

"How do I write women so well?
I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability."
-- Melvin Udall


__________________

‘Sorry but I just can’t trust anything that bleeds for about a week and doesn’t die’ My poetry and stuff

Old Post Aug 31st, 2006 12:17 AM
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RZA
Shaolin Monk

Gender: Unspecified
Location: Somewhere in the Far East, training

And now for some random deep thoughts...

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to DisneyLand, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "DisneyLand burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real DisneyLand, but it was getting pretty late.

I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?" or "Do you have that $50 you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!

Personally, I’m not cheap, I’m broke. There’s a difference.

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

If you ever need to borrow money try borrowing it from a pessimist, they’ll never expect it back.

If I ever met a genie and he asked me what my three wishes were, my 1st wish would be for unlimited wishes, then every other wish after that would be for a different hot chick.

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I just don't get it.


Keep an eye out for my next poem entitled 'I'm in love with a Psycho'


__________________

‘Sorry but I just can’t trust anything that bleeds for about a week and doesn’t die’ My poetry and stuff

Old Post Sep 6th, 2006 09:08 AM
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