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maybe
Started by: Punkyhermy

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Punkyhermy
like memory in motion

Gender: Unspecified
Location:

Sleep maybe



Glistened cheek with its drops like liquid
Slide and itch.

Nail. Embossed bath tissue stuck.
Threadbare, filmy. Ripped.

Thud thud, look.
Sing. Collide blocks that build.

Julia. Maybe amazed lets it be.
Kissing kisslessly.

Old Post Sep 20th, 2007 04:47 AM
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vivando-loca
untitled

Gender: Unspecified
Location: Airports to Amsterdam...

whoa, riveting and haunting, nice. big grin


__________________

Old Post Sep 20th, 2007 07:38 PM
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Punkyhermy
like memory in motion

Gender: Unspecified
Location:

aw thank you.big grin

Old Post Sep 20th, 2007 09:09 PM
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Punkyhermy
like memory in motion

Gender: Unspecified
Location:

Sleep ...



sweats haphazardly cut
cover the ass.legs,
Shine white. Whiter than
The wall divided.

sunshine yellow flats
Not for ballet. Scarlet
Camels walk the feet
On marble as white.

B. bold and red. outlined
white. Evening blue that
Hides eyes.not lips fuzzy
Edged and pink that
Move in rhythm.

Old Post Sep 20th, 2007 09:52 PM
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Mr. Bacon
Who?

Gender: Male
Location: History

short and sweet, succinct yet detailed.

i like it smile the style is cool yes the imagery is very clear

Old Post Sep 20th, 2007 09:53 PM
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Mr. Bacon
Who?

Gender: Male
Location: History

stick out tongue the first stanza is best i think yes

Old Post Sep 20th, 2007 09:58 PM
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Punkyhermy
like memory in motion

Gender: Unspecified
Location:

aww thanks kev!happy

i'm glad you liked.big grin

Old Post Sep 20th, 2007 10:04 PM
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Punkyhermy
like memory in motion

Gender: Unspecified
Location:

i seestick out tongue
thanks for reading!smile

Old Post Sep 20th, 2007 10:06 PM
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Mr. Bacon
Who?

Gender: Male
Location: History

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Punkyhermy
i seestick out tongue
thanks for reading!smile

anytime dahling happy

Old Post Sep 21st, 2007 12:21 AM
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Roulette
Freak

Gender: Female
Location: Arkham Asylum

Simple, but beautiful.

Nice work, Punky! smile


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Madness, as you know, is like gravity...all it takes is a little push.

Old Post Oct 27th, 2007 10:57 AM
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Punkyhermy
like memory in motion

Gender: Unspecified
Location:

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Roulette
Simple, but beautiful.

Nice work, Punky! smile


thanks sweetie.happy

btw. batman love!!!

eek!

Old Post Oct 30th, 2007 05:22 PM
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Roulette
Freak

Gender: Female
Location: Arkham Asylum

Welcomes! ^-^

Haha. big grin Yay for The Bat! Can't wait for The Dark Knight. *Claps loudly*


__________________

Madness, as you know, is like gravity...all it takes is a little push.

Old Post Oct 31st, 2007 10:51 AM
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Punkyhermy
like memory in motion

Gender: Unspecified
Location:

big grin

I knowww!!
eek!

Old Post Oct 31st, 2007 05:12 PM
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Roulette
Freak

Gender: Female
Location: Arkham Asylum



Comes out in July, right? Crapz, I wish it was July. sad


__________________

Madness, as you know, is like gravity...all it takes is a little push.

Old Post Nov 1st, 2007 06:19 AM
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King of Blades
The King

Gender: Male
Location: The South

I don't want to seem like the sour apple here but I think your poetry lacks...I don't...that little something something that lets the reader know what the poems about.

The first poem left me with a nagging of a girl getting ready for a date. I wasn't so sure the imagery painted something, that though was a stretch.

The second poem reminded me of articles in papers and magazines. Now for this I am positive was not the intention of the poem. The stanza's don't seem to flow to form one coherent image and/or story, which makes it very confusing to determine what it is your trying to say. Maybe a title will make it easier to see what it is you are trying to write.

That's my two cents.


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Old Post Nov 2nd, 2007 02:19 AM
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Punkyhermy
like memory in motion

Gender: Unspecified
Location:

The thing is tho AOR, my poems were meant to be of abstract nature. It is SUPPOSED to be up to the reader to make of them what he will. This isn't a flaw just another style of composing poems.

Old Post Dec 23rd, 2007 06:52 PM
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Punkyhermy
like memory in motion

Gender: Unspecified
Location:

I didn’t hear the wind
That threw to the worn
Out parquet white
Sheets faced down.

Blank rectangles of
Whiteness at my
Chilled feet
Lay threatened
To forever stay.

But I was looking
at the distance
as Murkyness
dubbed it unseen.

Old Post Dec 23rd, 2007 07:15 PM
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Rubyman
Restricted

Gender: Male
Location: The Next level

Account Restricted

dont likee youur sdtuff rely

Old Post Dec 23rd, 2007 10:41 PM
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Mr. Bacon
Who?

Gender: Male
Location: History

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Punkyhermy
I didn’t hear the wind
That threw to the worn
Out parquet white
Sheets faced down.

Blank rectangles of
Whiteness at my
Chilled feet
Lay threatened
To forever stay.

But I was looking
at the distance
as Murkyness
dubbed it unseen.

haha, i like stick out tongue

the subject seems so very simple and random big grin

Old Post Dec 24th, 2007 05:25 AM
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Punkyhermy
like memory in motion

Gender: Unspecified
Location:

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Mr. Bacon
haha, i like stick out tongue

the subject seems so very simple and random big grin


I;m glad.happy


it is. it was written really quickstick out tongue

Old Post Dec 24th, 2007 07:25 PM
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