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ScarletSpeed
Started by: ScarletSpeed

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Dyno
Authority

Gender: Male
Location: Glasgow

ScarletSpeed

never wrote a poem before in my life, so I know it isn't that good,but I gave it a bash and here is what I got.







Angel of Death


He strides to the door
And puts on his jacket
He heads to his chopper
Causing a racket
He weaves and he bobs
Through the ghost traffic
The lights wizzing by
Looking like magic


He begins to slow down
And pulls up to a clearing
A field of his dreams
Is what he is nearing
He Takes off his helmet
And takes off his jacket
He's craving a smoke
So whips out a packet
Lights up his lighter
And ignites without fail
The flame of the lighter
Will always tell tales
Of havoc, regret and killings in mass
Those stories, it will well
If it's filled up with gas

Puts cigarette to lips
And takes a long drag
And slowly but surely
Takes out of his bag
A list of striked names
On a dirty old rag

He's reading the list
He's checking it twice
He was the cat
They were the mice
He didn't care
Who was naughty or nice.
This was his job
His life sacrifice

He steps off the bike
And lands on a field
"I am the Hitman
A pistol I yield,
I carry one bullet
That's all I will need
I shall tear up this contract
That I signed and agreed"


"I killed as a game
The world was my court
I was the king...
Hell was my fort"

"There was no rush bigger
Than enforcing such madness
Pulling that trigger
And causing that sadness"


"I was the hunter
They were the game
The well has run dry
I've run out of names"

At the bottom of the list
Sits The Angel of Death
He puts steel to skin
And takes his last breath


__________________


Old Post Sep 12th, 2008 02:00 PM
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Lara
Belladonna

Gender: Female
Location: Some where in the Poison Ivy

Thats actually pretty good SS.
I'd be interested to see what else you come up with big grin


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be who you are not what they want you to be!

blessed be x

Old Post Sep 16th, 2008 09:46 AM
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XvampbenjiiX666
Commander Cadaver

Gender: Male
Location: Whiskey River

not bad...not bad at all


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Thank you Scythe. "Take one last look at your shining Heaven, Imperius. For soon, nothing of it shall remain, but my laughter..."

Old Post Sep 24th, 2008 09:30 PM
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Bardock42
Junior Member

Gender: Unspecified
Location: With Cinderella and the 9 Dwarves

It's better than I expected on KMC....for a first try.

The rhyming is not even half bad, though awkward at times. And this part...

"And ignites without fail
The flame of the lighter
Will always tell tales"

...just totally threw me off. It's an incredibly odd sentence you must admit, because you use the end of one part at the same time as beginning of the next. On the whole I quite liked it actually. The theme is good, the imagery as well. I enjoyed reading it. And if you work on it I am sure you will put out some very exciting work.


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Old Post Sep 24th, 2008 09:32 PM
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Dyno
Authority

Gender: Male
Location: Glasgow

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Lara
Thats actually pretty good SS.
I'd be interested to see what else you come up with big grin


quote: (post)
Originally posted by XvampbenjiiX666
not bad...not bad at all



Cheerssmile



quote: (post)
Originally posted by Bardock42
It's better than I expected on KMC....for a first try.

The rhyming is not even half bad, though awkward at times. And this part...

"And ignites without fail
The flame of the lighter
Will always tell tales"

...just totally threw me off. It's an incredibly odd sentence you must admit, because you use the end of one part at the same time as beginning of the next. On the whole I quite liked it actually. The theme is good, the imagery as well. I enjoyed reading it. And if you work on it I am sure you will put out some very exciting work.



Really man ? thanks no expression smile

to be honest I didn't even notice how weird that sentence was, how would you suggest I make it better ?


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Old Post Sep 24th, 2008 09:35 PM
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Bardock42
Junior Member

Gender: Unspecified
Location: With Cinderella and the 9 Dwarves

quote: (post)
Originally posted by ScarletSpeed
Cheerssmile






Really man ? thanks no expression smile

to be honest I didn't even notice how weird that sentence was, how would you suggest I make it better ?


Hmm, for example just say "that always tells tales" instead of "will always tell tales"


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Old Post Sep 24th, 2008 10:03 PM
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Dyno
Authority

Gender: Male
Location: Glasgow

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Bardock42
Hmm, for example just say "that always tells tales" instead of "will always tell tales"



good point, didn't even realise laughing


cheers man stick out tongue


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Old Post Sep 24th, 2008 10:05 PM
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Because I can
Defenestration

Gender: Unspecified
Location: Everywhere you don't want me to be

big grin great job
... got any more? big grin


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Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence
Thanks Scythe for the awesome sig

Old Post Sep 27th, 2008 11:37 AM
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Dyno
Authority

Gender: Male
Location: Glasgow

thanks big grin


not yet, not really ahd time, that one just came to my head one night, so I done it laughing out loud


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Old Post Sep 27th, 2008 01:12 PM
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It's xyz!
Restricted

Gender: Male
Location: Made you look

Account Restricted

quote: (post)
Originally posted by ScarletSpeed
thanks big grin


not yet, not really ahd time, that one just came to my head one night, so I done it laughing out loud
That's pretty much how all my poems came to be.

That and rhymezone.com

I was not impressed, to be truthful. The rhythm was a too fast and happy for a poem about the angel of death, I thought.


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Bulbasaur, the original... Pepe.

Last edited by Raz on Jan 1st 2000 at 00:00AM

Old Post Sep 28th, 2008 06:46 PM
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Dyno
Authority

Gender: Male
Location: Glasgow

quote: (post)
Originally posted by lord xyz
That's pretty much how all my poems came to be.

That and rhymezone.com

I was not impressed, to be truthful. The rhythm was a too fast and happy for a poem about the angel of death, I thought.



I thought it was pretty happy that he eventually got to end all the suffering he caused.


a field of his DREAMS stick out tongue


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Old Post Sep 28th, 2008 08:20 PM
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It's xyz!
Restricted

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Location: Made you look

Account Restricted

Yeah, but the poem was to make you feel sad, and I couldn't read it in a sad tone. I mean suffering isn't supposed to be cheerful.


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Bulbasaur, the original... Pepe.

Last edited by Raz on Jan 1st 2000 at 00:00AM

Old Post Sep 28th, 2008 10:53 PM
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Bardock42
Junior Member

Gender: Unspecified
Location: With Cinderella and the 9 Dwarves

quote: (post)
Originally posted by lord xyz
Yeah, but the poem was to make you feel sad, and I couldn't read it in a sad tone. I mean suffering isn't supposed to be cheerful.


...nice going, tell the writer how he wanted his poem to be read.


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Old Post Sep 28th, 2008 10:57 PM
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Dyno
Authority

Gender: Male
Location: Glasgow

an end has came to his chaotic life, that's what he wanted,

he's tearing up the contract that he signed and agreed,

he didn't want to live that life, so he is eventually breaking away from it.

which is a good thing, that you should feel happy for him.



quote: (post)
Originally posted by Bardock42
...nice going, tell the writer how he wanted his poem to be read.



laughing


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Old Post Sep 29th, 2008 01:53 PM
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It's xyz!
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Location: Made you look

Account Restricted

I'm sorry, I just couldn't get it.


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Bulbasaur, the original... Pepe.

Last edited by Raz on Jan 1st 2000 at 00:00AM

Old Post Sep 29th, 2008 02:15 PM
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Dyno
Authority

Gender: Male
Location: Glasgow

not really anything to get


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Old Post Sep 29th, 2008 08:05 PM
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Ya Krunk'd Floo
Moving with the swell.

Gender: Male
Location: West of the Sun.

kinda


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Full fathom five thy father lies;
Of his bones are coral made;
Those are pearls that were his eyes:
Nothing of him that doth fade
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange.

Old Post Feb 20th, 2009 08:52 AM
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