KillerMovies - Movies That Matter!

REGISTER HERE TO JOIN IN! - It's easy and it's free!
Home » Misc » General Fiction Area » Harry Potter Fiction » Book One: Chronicles of the Broken Heart

How is it?
You do not have permission to vote on this poll.
It was great 0 0%
It was good 1 25.00%
It was ok 2 50.00%
It was horrible. 1 25.00%
Total: 4 votes 100%
  [Edit Poll (moderators only)]

Book One: Chronicles of the Broken Heart
Started by: Saratn

Forum Jump:
Post New Thread    Post A Reply
  Last Thread   Next Thread
Author
Thread
xEsaulx
Bringer of Life

Gender: Male
Location: The Land of Quar

Book One: Chronicles of the Broken Heart

Book One: Chronicles of the Broken Heart
Harry Potter and the Statue of Virtue

Here we are now, with my third fanfic, and let's see if this one turns out as good as my other ones. I plan on making some what of my own series of fanfics, to show how i look at things.

Chapter One:
Knight's Demise

"HOGWARTS WAS no longer safe, everyone knew indeed. Ever since the beloved wizard died to the Half Blood Prince, the wizarding world was in a right state. Panic was seen everywhere among even the littlest of children to the ignorant muggles. Not only was the wizarding world in danger, but it's sister, the muggle world. Muggles have been dying more frequently than usual, aurours were sent to fight off the Death Eaters, but they were killed in the process. No one stood a chance against the Death Eaters under the power and the reign of Lord Voldemort.

"A single thing gives the people hope. A single thing that keeps people sane during these dark times. The Chosen One is the only one who can stand up against the Dark Lord, or so it is thought. A prophecy was smashed two years ago in the Department of Mysteries, but what was in it no one can truly know. But a general theory was made, that the Chosen One, the Boy Who Lived was the only one who could stand against the threat that was scaring the world that is loved by both Muggles and Wizards/Witches alike."

A man folded up the Daily Prophet, and tucked it away into his robes. He took out a handkerchief and wiped his nose with it. He reached to the table that was in front of him, and picked up his hat, and placed it on top of his head. The hat he wore was that of what muggles called cowboy hats. His medium sized brown hair was dry and brittle. His eyes were a shocking emerald color the shone brightly at night. He wore black robes as a wizard should do, but underneath his clothing he wore muggle clothes, something he thought would be useful.

This man was a special kind of wizard, and was to try to capture the dark wizard by any means necessary. He was what a muggle would say, an assassin, but he did not ask for pay. He would do it for free, he only asked for the wizarding community not to get in his way. He didn't like the Death Eaters walking free, like the next wizard. He had a secret deep down that he never revealed to anyone. He was once a Death Eater himself, but that was years ago. He was forced to become one, in order to save the one person he loved. But it turned out that the Death Eater's couldn't be trusted.

"Hey...Knight!" shouted the bartender who was cleaning mugs. "You going to have another drink, or is that it?"

"Yes, Arnie one more should do it." said Knight calmly. He walked over and placed a bill onto the table.

"Reading that blasted paper again, Knight?" he asked glancing at the paper that he left on the table. "You don't even live over there Knight, why are you worrying so much?"

"Arnie, I have plenty of reasons to worry about what goes on in Britain."

"Ah, yes. Catching those dark wizards, ain't ya?"

"They killed her Arnie, they killed her." he said, trying to keep the same tone. "And I'm going to kill each and every one of them."

"You got yer heart in the right place, Knight, but yer head ain't." said Arnie to Knight seriously.

"What do you mean?" he asked him confused.

"What I mean is, that yer going into a losing battle without no knowledge of the enemy. Yer going to have to get on the inside first before you go running and playing hero." explained Arnie. "Yer going to need to become a Death Eater once more if you ask me."

Knight thought about this for minutes, taking a sip from his drink every so often. He didn't like the idea of becoming a Death Eater again, but what if it was the only way? He could use polyjuice potion and disguise himself as someone else. That could work, but he would have to have enough to last him for over a year. This would all have to be made in advance.

"Arnie, you still got that vacant room out in the back?" he asked curiously.

"Sure I do, but what do you need it for?" he asked him perplexed.

"I'm going to become a Death Eater again, Arnie."


__________________

Last edited by xEsaulx on Nov 23rd, 2005 at 07:54 PM

Old Post Nov 23rd, 2005 07:50 PM
xEsaulx is currently offline Click here to Send xEsaulx a Private Message Find more posts by xEsaulx Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
`~lion_heart1~`
A heart like a lions

Gender: Unspecified
Location: relaxing

Its interesting, but admittedly the start could have been alot stronger. Even thew first sentence, as an example, could have said something like : "The death of the beloved wizard, his murder, sent the wizarding in a state of great panic. Not even Hogwarts was safe anymore, the second home of many, somewhere that its students would go to shelter from their problems.''

I really love this story though, but you should sort it out first and it might be advisable to, as many great fanfic writers do, get a beta.

Hope that wasn't to critical, but I'm just giving my opinion. stick out tongue


__________________
"We're not stupid-We know we're callde Gred and Forge."
"Give her hell from us Peeves"
"U-No-Poo"

Old Post Nov 27th, 2005 04:11 AM
`~lion_heart1~` is currently offline Click here to Send `~lion_heart1~` a Private Message Find more posts by `~lion_heart1~` Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
xEsaulx
Bringer of Life

Gender: Male
Location: The Land of Quar

ok. thanks for your opinions, they are thoughtful but, i know where i'm going with this. i meant to start it off like that. Misleading beginning, something new i am trying, and i honestly don't work with beta's. i work alone on my stories. i don't like help from other's unless i'm desperate.


__________________

Old Post Nov 27th, 2005 10:30 PM
xEsaulx is currently offline Click here to Send xEsaulx a Private Message Find more posts by xEsaulx Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
xEsaulx
Bringer of Life

Gender: Male
Location: The Land of Quar

ignore my first post! with major major major help from lily aka lionheart, i have a better beginning thanks to her. she deserves the credit, and you will notice how better of a beginning it is. i know i'm going to be double posting... but oh well.


__________________

Old Post Dec 4th, 2005 10:08 PM
xEsaulx is currently offline Click here to Send xEsaulx a Private Message Find more posts by xEsaulx Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
xEsaulx
Bringer of Life

Gender: Male
Location: The Land of Quar

"The death of the beloved wizard, his murder, sent the wizarding in a state of great panic. Not even Hogwarts was safe anymore, the second home of many, somewhere that its students would go to shelter from their problems.

No one knew what to do anymore, confusion and fear was swept over from the bravest and toughest of men to the weakest of children and the most cowardly of women. The muggle world was in even more danger than some of the wizarding world, since they hadn't any magic to protect themselves. Many a wizard stood not even the least of a chance against the powerful reign of Lord Voldemort, with the exception of aurors and a few talented wizards and witches.It is not possible for the aurours to fail, or the wizarding world would have been killed out since the first battle quite easily. Thats why it has been so hard for the aurors to have gotten...the title of being an auror.

"A single thing gives the people hope. A single thing that keeps people sane during these dark times. The Chosen One is the only one who can stand up against the Dark Lord, or so it is thought. A prophecy was smashed two years ago in the Department of Mysteries, but what was in it no one can truly know. But a general theory was made, that the Chosen One, the Boy Who Lived was the only one who could stand against the threat that was scaring the world that is loved by both Muggles and Wizards/Witches alike."

The faint light dawned on a pub. Seated inside of it a man round-faced man folded up the Daily Prophet, and tucked it securely away into his robes. He took out a handkerchief and wiped his nose with it. He reached to the table that was in front of him, and picked up his hat, and put it on top of his head. The hat he wore was that of what muggles would call a cowboy hat. His medium sized (meaning that it is in the middle. neither long nor short. medium is like saying middle. and just saying his hair isn't any good.) brown hair was dry and brittle. His eyes were a shocking emerald color that shone brightly in a moon-lit night. He wore black robes as a wizard should do, but underneath his clothing he wore muggle, clothing something he thought would be useful for safety measures.

This man was a special kind of wizard, and was to try to capture the dark wizard by any means necessary. He was what a muggle would call an assassin, but he did not ask for pay. He would do it for free. He, however, asked that the wizarding community would not get in his way. He didn't like the Death Eaters walking free, like the next wizard.(i was using that as an expression) He had a deep secret that he swore he would never reveal to anyone. He wasn't sure how long it would be, though, before he couldn't hold it in any longer. He was once a Death Eater himself, but that was many years ago. He was forced to become one, in order to save the one person he loved. But it turned out that the Death Eater's couldn't be trusted.

"Hey...Knight!" shouted the bartender who was cleaning mugs. "You going to have another drink, or is that it?"

"Yes, Arnie one more should do it." said Knight tiredly. He walked over and placed a bill onto the table.

"Reading that blasted paper again, Knight?" he asked glancing at the paper that he left on the table. "You don't even live over there Knight, why are you worrying so much?"

"Arnie, I have plenty of reasons to worry about what goes on in Britain."

"Ah, yes. Catching those dark wizards, ain't ya?"

"They killed her Arnie, they killed her." he said, trying to keep the same tone. "And I'm going to kill each and every one of them."

"You got yer heart in the right place, Knight, but yer head ain't." said Arnie to Knight seriously.

"What do you mean?" he asked him confused.

"What I mean is, that yer going into a losing battle without no knowledge of the enemy. Yer going to have to get on the inside first before you go running and playing hero." explained Arnie. "Yer going to need to become a Death Eater once more if you ask me."

Knight thought about this for minutes, taking a sip from his drink every so often. He didn't like the idea of becoming a Death Eater again, but what if it was the only way? He could use polyjuice potion and disguise himself as someone else. That could work, but he would have to have enough to last him for over a year. This would all have to be made in advance.

"Arnie, you still got that vacant room out in the back?" he asked curiously.

"Sure I do, but what do you need it for?" he asked him perplexed.

"I'm going to become a Death Eater again, Arnie."

"Aye, I thought you would change yer mind sooner or later Knight." responded Arnie.


__________________

Last edited by xEsaulx on Dec 4th, 2005 at 10:26 PM

Old Post Dec 4th, 2005 10:17 PM
xEsaulx is currently offline Click here to Send xEsaulx a Private Message Find more posts by xEsaulx Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
`~lion_heart1~`
A heart like a lions

Gender: Unspecified
Location: relaxing

I see you still added in the 3rd paragraph. Anyway, its your story.


__________________
"We're not stupid-We know we're callde Gred and Forge."
"Give her hell from us Peeves"
"U-No-Poo"

Old Post Dec 4th, 2005 10:31 PM
`~lion_heart1~` is currently offline Click here to Send `~lion_heart1~` a Private Message Find more posts by `~lion_heart1~` Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
jlee17xoxo412
Senior Member

Gender: Female
Location: US / UK

nice story


__________________

So guys are the most confusing thing ever on earth


__________________________________

Old Post Dec 7th, 2005 02:24 AM
jlee17xoxo412 is currently offline Click here to Send jlee17xoxo412 a Private Message Find more posts by jlee17xoxo412 Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
xEsaulx
Bringer of Life

Gender: Male
Location: The Land of Quar

thank you very much. still working out the many errors i have.


__________________

Old Post Dec 7th, 2005 02:40 AM
xEsaulx is currently offline Click here to Send xEsaulx a Private Message Find more posts by xEsaulx Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote Quick Quote
All times are UTC. The time now is 05:38 PM.
  Last Thread   Next Thread

Home » Misc » General Fiction Area » Harry Potter Fiction » Book One: Chronicles of the Broken Heart

Email this Page
Subscribe to this Thread
   Post New Thread  Post A Reply

Forum Jump:
Search by user:
 

Forum Rules:
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is OFF
vB code is ON
Smilies are ON
[IMG] code is ON

Text-only version
 

< - KillerMovies.com - Forum Archive - Forum Rules >


© Copyright 2000-2006, KillerMovies.com. All Rights Reserved.
Powered by: vBulletin, copyright ©2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Limited.