Hi. I'm starting my own version of the seventh Harry Potter book. The title is majorly misleading (like Half-Blood Prince). I'll post an extract of Chapter 1:
The streets were dark, cold and murky. The sky seemed as though it wanted to rain but couldn't be bothered. A man, wrapped in robes and his face hidden by a hood, glided gracefully down the street. He got to a dead end and looked around. He spotted an old rusty bicycle bumper lying against the fence. "Accio" the man spontaneously said as the bumper flew towards him. The ground fell away as he caught it. within seconds he landed in a room. Condensation on the windows, there was a massive temperature drop. the man looked around trying to find something.
"Severus" a voice bellowed out of no where. Snape pulled down his hood and walked into the direction of the voice.
"Is the deed done" the man hissed. His voice a few octaves lower than a normal person's.
"Yes, my Lord Voldemort" Snape Replied "The entire world is silnced now."
"The ignorant Dumbledore and Potter and vanquished?" Voldemort asked as his began to rise. His voice growing higher with excitement.
"P-P-Potter??" "You wanted Potter destroyed?" Snape asked. Voldemort growled.
"You ignorant old man Severus. I had my hopes up for you. Still you proved to be a let down. Get out of my sight" Voldemort said as he turned away. Snape couldn't believe his luck. had voldemort gotten soft of was he afraid...no the dark lord was never afraid. Snape walked to the end of the room and was almost back at the port key when a voice echoed down the other side of the room.
It was really good. The only thing that confused me was this paragraph, "The ground fell away as he caught it. within seconds he landed in a room. Condensation on the windows, there was a massive temperature drop. the man looked around trying to find something. "
I got kind of lost there, but great start. Continue!
Harry awoke suddenly. He looked to his clock. 4 PM He thought to him self. He flopped back down to his bed and tried to remember his nightmare. It all seemed to be a blur. All he could remember was Voldemort, Snape and a bright green light. He thought harder:
Is the deed done
Yes, my Lord Voldemort
Dumbledore and Potter are vanquished?
You wanted Potter destroyed???
A large banging noise. Broke Harry's Concentration. He darted up and looked around. At the window he saw a white, fluffy object. "Hedwig". Harry whispered as he opened his windows and let the bird in. The bird was carrying 3 brown envelopes. He opened the first one
Mum says you can stay over for the rest of the summer. We will pick you up tomorrow at 6 PM
He opened the second letter:
Great News. Hogwarts is reopening to pay homage to Dumbledore. Incase you havnt read it yet, Miss Weasly said you can stay here. Cant wait till you get here tomorrow.
And the last one
They know where you are, They can get at you. Trust no one, even your friends. You Know Who has control over anyone and anything. Dont worry. I will pick you up tomorrow and i can explain everything.
This part is rushed so its not as good. Heres part 1 of Chapter 2:
Harry couldnt believe what he read. Sirius was dead. Harry, as much as he wanted Sirius back, was skeptical and took his/her's advice to 'trust no-one'. Harry jumped out of his bed, bumping into his drawer while doing it, lifted up his matress and took out a fresh, unopened bottle of ink, a feather and 1 piece of parchment. On it he wrote:
Dear Ron and Hermione
I would love to come and stay with you. I got a letter from Sirius, well, someone who claims to be Sirius. He said he was going to pick me up around the same time as you. I need advice to know whether or not this guy is for real. Thank you
He took out a brown envelope from his draw and on it wrote Ron and Hermione. He gave it to hedwig and she flew into the nights sky.
wow! ive never wrote a story that so many people have liked before. since so many people are reading this i might as well post another part.
Harry thought about the nightmare. Was snape really dead? He thought back to 3 years ago, When he saw inside The Dark Lords house. then a year after that when he saw that Arthur Weasly was in trouble. Could this be a premonition rather than a dream? Another banging noise broke his concentration again. Immediatly Harry looked at the window but nothing was there. More bangs bursted into Harrys ear followed by,"POTTER!! GET DOWN HERE AND MAKE BREAKFAST!!!! WERE STARVING!" Venon bellowed. He looked at the clock. 10PM time just flew by. Something time doesnt do at the Dursleys very often.
As harry walked down the stairs he felt cold. He walked into the kitchen and put the frying pan on. the fire blew out almost immediatly. then the windows started to condensate too fast. then the glass objects froze. and then finaly all the water. Harry started to feel miserable. He ran outside to see if it could be what he thought it was. "Dementors!!" Harry yelled as he attempted to run inside. he tripped on the door step with all his hurry. he looked up. the dementors drew closer to him. He was about to have it when:
There's a bit more mistakes than before. I think it's because you're rushing.
Take your time, read over your work, and then post. It's worth it.
Anyway, I like where you're going with this. The last post seemed more rushed than the others, like you wanted to get to the action the Dementor's would produce badly. Take your time is the best advice I can give you now.
White light blinded Harry from seeing who casted the patronus. The dementors flew away in a hurry. The light subsided and Harry saw a friendly face. "Hermione?" Harry asked. Ron, Fred, George and the rest of the weasleys came into view. "We got your letter" Hermione said. "Sirius is dead," Hermione said. Harrys face began to show a bit of sadness. "and nothing can reawake the dead. This person is obviously trying to harm you by gaining your trust. That's why we came earlier". Harry nodded. "So". Harry said. "How are we going to get to your place?" He asked. "Port Key" Ron said with not a bit of enthusiasim. Arther took out a small disc. Almost like a frisbie. "Take hold of it" he commanded. Harry and the others did as they were told. "Portaya Transfera" Arther said. within seconds Harry was lifted of his feet and was spun around so fast he could see what was around him. He was then thrown down outside the burrow. "I think im going to crash. Didnt have much sleep today" Harry said as he went inside and ran upstairs
Number 4 privet drive came into view. Infront of the houses door was a man with bushy hair, the door opened and standing there was a fat ugly man who Harry knew as Uncle Vernon. "Is Harry here?" The man asked. "No he is not" Vernon Replied. "Took off with his w....wizar... friends ages ago." The man with bushy hair took out his wand and pointed it at Vernon. "Your no use to me then." The man hissed.