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FUNNY STORYS ABOUT LOTR offensive stuff maybe in here appoliges if so.
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merryandpipsgig
legolas ma hot elf

Gender: Female
Location: between merry pip orlando and elija

Smile FUNNY STORYS ABOUT LOTR offensive stuff maybe in here appoliges if so.

THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING So funny so great, so LOTR!

Frodo: Hi, Gandalf! Gandalf: Bilbo, give him your ring. Bilbo: Okay. Bye! Gandalf: See you at the pub, Frodo. Frodo: Doo-de-do. Nazgul: Boo! Frodo: Eeeek! Merry: (pops up out of nowhere) Eeeek! Pippin: (ditto) Eeeek! Sam: Ha ha, can't catch us now! Tom Bombadil: Hello little friends! Frodo: No time for you, weirdo. Tom Bombadil: (disappears) Saruman: See, all I had to do was cross out "Good" on my business cards and write "Bad," and I'm all set. Gandalf: I never saw /that/ coming. Saruman: Excuse me while I tend to my vast army of evil orcs and war machinery which were in plain sight. Gandalf: Alas, if only he had imprisoned me at the top of a high tower without walls or ceiling so that he could not prevent a giant eagle from rescuing me, instead of in the canonical dungeon deep underground. Oh, wait. Frodo: (whispering) Keep a low profile. Pippin: (loudly) And don't mention your real name, right? Merry: (loudly) Or the ring either, right? Strider: Right. Don't mention the ring. (laughs) It's okay, I'll save you. Pippin: (whining) Are we there yet? Nazgul: Bwa ha ha ha. Give us the ring, little worm. Frodo: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names- Sam: Hmm, looks like swords work too. Strider: Go away, bad men! Nazgul: The five of us must flee, for we are outnumbered by this one Ranger! Frodo: Wow, we're in Rivendell! Merry: That was easy. Pippin: Don't knock it. Sam: Elves are cool! Elrond: Get the hell out of my place, I don't need trouble. Gimli: You can't throw them out while I'm here! Legolas: Same for me! Elrond: Right, all of you wankers leave now. Gandalf: But I just got here. Boromir: I'll just invite myself along. No real reason. Certainly not because I have larceny on my mind. Nope. Strider: Look, they fixed my sword! (swish) Wheeeee! Frodo: Such beautiful scenery. The green grass and leaves are so- [THUD] Pippin: Where the hell did all this snow come from? Gandalf: Don't blame me. Who knew that mountains could be cold on top? Gimli: Told you we should go through the mines. Strider: Let the dwarf have his way. Legolas: Fine, whatever, just open the door. Gimli: Ummm, I have no idea how to get inside. Boromir: What a bunch of dicks. Gandalf: Of course! (applies C4 to the problem) [POOF] Sam: Such magic. Merry: Ooooo, dead dwarf over here! Gimli: Boo hoo. Pippin: HEY MONSTERS, COME AND GET US!! Gandalf: Twit. Orcs: Oh good, we were getting hungry. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to keep an army fed in these abandonded mines? Boromir: (Slash) Legolas: (Pfft) Gimli: (Whack) Orcs: This is definitely putting a damper on our relationship. Frodo: Ouch! Strider: Alas, the Ring-bearer has perished! Our quest has failed! Frodo: Just kidding. I did the slide-blade-between-arm-and-chest trick while I was standing in profile to y'all. Pretty funny, eh? Balrog: Dammit, I was sound asleep. That really ticks me off. Gandalf: We are so doomed. Strider: Not if we run away! (does so) Boromir: First good idea you've had. (follows) hobbits: (already in the lead) Gandalf: (trailing) It matters not! You cannot outrun the demon! Legolas: We don't have to . . . Gimli: . . . we just have to outrun *you*. Balrog: Your ass is mine, wizard. (drags Gandalf down with him) Strider: Woe is upon our company, that Gandalf has fallen! Frodo: I'm over it. Sam: Yeah, let's go, there's no food here. Legolas: Wondrous are these woods! Gimli: And full of cutthroat elves. Celeborn: We were told of your coming. Well, "warned" is more accurate. Galadriel: I know you better than you know yourselves. Sam: You've got nothing better to do with your time? Galadriel: Wake up, Frodo, and look in the mirror. Frodo: Geez, can't a guy get some sleep around here? What mirror are you babbling about, there's just this birdbath full of water. Galadriel: But it shows magic pictures of things that may or may not be! Frodo: I'm guessing you're a day trader. Here, you take the ring. Galadriel: I will not. (hangs her head) I lost the instructions. Frodo: Great, I'm still stuck with it. Celeborn: Check-out time! Pippin: (singing) Row row row your boat, gently down- Gimli: Shut the hell up. Seven hours of that is enough. Strider: All this beautiful scenery is giving me a very bad feeling. Boromir: Give me the ring. Frodo: Notice as I put it on that it not only makes me invisible, it also apparently teleports me away from your clutches. Boromir: Arrrrrgghhh! I'm just trying to save my kingdom! Where is a rake I can step on, that it might strike my head? Ah, this will do nicely. (whack) Frodo: Best thing for me to do now is head for the most dangerous place in the world. Sam: Works for me. (they leave) SuperOrcs: Kill kill kill! Merry: Help, help, Auntie Em! (waves his tiny sword pathetically) Pippin: Christ, look at the size of these guys, we're dead meat. Boromir: Fear not, little hobbits, I shall blow my special horn and we shall be rescued by soldiers . . who are . . hundreds . . of . . miles . . away . . guess we are pretty stuffed after all. (dies) SuperOrcs: Kill kill kill! Legolas: Look at my form. Damn, I'm good. Gimli: I'm environmentally friendly --- blood makes the grass grow. Strider: Looks like Frodo got away. Well, there's no chance in hell I'm going to step one foot closer to Mordor, so let's go the exact opposite direction. Legolas: Okay. Gimli: Sure. THE END Yeah, that's about two hours.

Old Post Jan 28th, 2004 09:04 AM
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merryandpipsgig
legolas ma hot elf

Gender: Female
Location: between merry pip orlando and elija

Smile well what do u think??? please submitt more funny storys thanks

thanks submitt some more funny lotr made up storys use your imagination please send some thanks

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Old Post Jan 28th, 2004 09:09 AM
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merryandpipsgig
legolas ma hot elf

Gender: Female
Location: between merry pip orlando and elija

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Old Post Jan 28th, 2004 09:14 AM
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merryandpipsgig
legolas ma hot elf

Gender: Female
Location: between merry pip orlando and elija

??? days till The Hobbit
“The world is changed.
I feel it in the water.
I feel it in the earth.
I smell it in the air.
Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it.

“It began with the forging of the Great Rings.
Three were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings.
Seven - to the Dwarve Lords, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls.
And nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else desire power.
For within these rings was bound the strength and the will to govern each race. But they were all of them deceived, for deep in the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged, in secret, a master ring, one to control all others...
and into this ring he poured all his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life..
One ring to rule them all.
One by one, the free lands of Middle Earth fell to the power of the Ring, but there were some who resisted.
A last alliance of men and elves marched against the armies of Mordor, and on the slopes of Mount Doom, they fought for the freedom of Middle-Earth.
Victory was near, but the power of the ring could not be undone.
Sauron appears, crushing a dozen men with each blow of his huge mace. “It was in this moment, when all hope had faded, that Isildur, son of the king, took up his father’s sword.”
Isildur picks up sword, Sauron breaks it, but Isildur uses the broken blade to cut off Sauron’s fingers, and the Ring.
“Sauron, the enemy of the free peoples of Middle-Earth, was defeated.
The Ring passed to Isildur, who had this one chance to destroy evil forever..... but the hearts of men are easily corrupted. And the ring of power has a will of its own. It betrayed Isildur, to his death.”
Isildur attacked by goblins, dies in the river, and the Ring is lost in the water.
And some things, that should not have been forgotten -
were lost.
History became legend.
Legend became myth.
And for two and a half thousand years, the ring passed out of all knowledge.
Until, when chance came, the ring ensnared a new bearer.” Gollum finds the Ring in the riverbed.
Gollum: “My Precious, my own.”
“The ring came to the creature Gollum, who took it deep into the tunnels under the Misty Mountains, and there it consumed him.”
Gollum: “It came to me, my own, my love, my Precious...”
“The ring gave to Gollum unnatural long life. For five hundred years it poisoned his mind, and in the gloom of Gollum’s cave it waited.
Darkness crept back into the forests of the world.
Rumor grew of a shadow in the East..... whispers of a nameless fear, and the Ring of Power perceived - its time had now come.
It abandoned Gollum... but then something happened that the Ring did not intend.
It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable.
A hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, of the Shire.”
Bilbo: “What’s this? A Ring!”
Gollum: “Lost! My Precious is lost!”

"For the time will soon come when hobbits will shape the fortunes of all.”


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

- Vedui' Il'er -
Welcome to
Lord of the Rings
Fair Elven Lands
- enjoy your stay -

Old Post Jan 28th, 2004 09:18 AM
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merryandpipsgig
legolas ma hot elf

Gender: Female
Location: between merry pip orlando and elija

Elven Translation




A star shall shine on the hour of our meeting
Elen sila lumenn omentilmo

Good (day/morning/afternoon/evening)
'Quel (re/amrun/andune/undome)

Greetings (everyone)
Vedui' (il'er)

Hail
Aaye

It has been too long
Nae saian luume'

My heart sings to see thee
Cormamin lindua ele lle

Pleasure meeting you
Saesa omentien lle

Well met

Mae govannen


Farewells
Elven Translation




Fair winds
Vanya sulie

Farewell
Namaarie

Good (day/afternoon/evening/night)
Quel (re/andune/lome/du)

Good hunting
Quel fara

May the leaves of your life tree never turn brown
Aa' lasser en lle coia orn n' omenta gurtha

May the wind fill your sails
Aa' i'sul nora lanne'lle

May thy paths be green and the breeze on thy back
Aa' menle nauva calen ar' ta hwesta e' ale'quenle

May your ways be green and golden
Aa' menealle nauva calen ar' malta

My heart shall weep until it sees thee again
Cormamin niuve tenna' ta elea lle au'

Rest well
Quel esta

Sleep well
Quel kaima

Sweet water and light laughter till next we meet
Lissenen ar' maska'lalaith tenna' lye omentuva

Until later (then)
Tenna' telwan (san')

Until next we meet
Tenna' ento lye omenta

Until then
Tenna' san'

Until tomorrow (then)
Tenna' tul're (san')





Compliments
Elven Translation




Ever is thy sight a joy
Oio naa elealla alasse'

You are a mighty warrior
Lle naa belegohtar

You are a skillful bowman
Lle naa curucuar

You are beautiful
Lle naa vanima

You did well
Lle ume quel

You look good
Lle maa quel

Your beauty shines bright
Vanimle sila tiri

Your heart is that of the lion
Cormlle naa tanya tel'raa





Insults
Elven Translation




Cowardly dog(s)
Nadorhuan(rim)

Feast of wolves (slain enemy)
Mereth en draugrim

Gate bird(slain enemy)
Andodulin

Go kiss an orc
Auta miqula orqu

I hate you
Amin delotha lle

Listen to my laughter
Lasta lalaithamin

Much wind pours from your mouth
Antolle ulua sulrim

Son of snakes (dishonest person)
Utinu en lokirim

You are king in your imagination
Lle naa haran e' nausalle

You disgust me
Amin feuya ten' lle

You smell like a human
Lle holma ve' edan

You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny
Llie n'vanima ar' lle atara lanneina

Your head is empty
Dolle naa lost

Old Post Jan 28th, 2004 09:24 AM
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Exabyte
Senior Member

Gender: Female
Location: There and back again

quote:
Originally posted by merryandpipsgig
Elven Translation


Again big grin we already had this isdira listing about four times wink

And as I might already have mentioned, this is no lordoftherings-elvish, though the inventers of this language based their language on Tolkien's elvish a lot (esp. the words) but made it easier and sounding different.


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Old Post Jan 28th, 2004 03:28 PM
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lol, really funny first post.

Old Post Jan 28th, 2004 04:31 PM
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