KMC Forums - CV - this is funny!

> > Subject: CV Application
> >
> > What follows is a real. honest-to-god application from a student
received
> > by a colleague at
> >
> > Southampton Uni. The really cool thing is, they gave him a place on the
> > course.
> >
> > Enjoy!
> >
> >
> >
> > 3A. ESSAY: In order for the admissions staff of our university to get to
> > know you, the applicant,
> >
> > better, we ask that you answer the following question:
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Q: Are there any significant experiences you have had, or
accomplishments
> > you have realised, that
> >
> > have helped to define you as a person?
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have
> > been known to remodel tram
> >
> > stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of
> > heat retention. I translate ethnic
> >
> > slurs for Kenyan refugees. I write award-winning operas, and manage time
> > efficiently. Occasionally. I
> >
> > tread water for three days in a row.
> >
> > I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot
> > bicycles up severe inclines
> >
> > with unflagging speed, and I cook thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty
> > minutes. I am an expert in stucco,
> >
> > a veteran in love. and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large
> > glass of water, I once sing e-
> >
> > handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of
> > ferocious army ants. I play
> >
> > bluegrass cello, I had trials with Manchester United. I am the subject
of
> > numerous documentaries.
> >
> > When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my garden. I enjoy
> > urban hang gliding. On
> >
> > Wednesdays, after school. I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
> >
> > I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie.
> >
> > Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.
I
> > dont perspire. I am a
> >
> > private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have appeared on Through the
> > Keyhole and won the gold
> >
> > plaque Last summer I toured Eastern Europe with a traveling
> > centrifugal-force demonstration. I run the
> >
> > 100m in 9.65 sees. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in
> > international botany circles.
> >
> > Children trust me.
> >
> > I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.
I
> > once read Paradise Lost,
> >
> > Moby Dick and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to
refurbish
> > an entire dining room that
> >
> > evening I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket.
I
> > have performed several
> >
> > covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I
> > sleep in a chair. While on
> >
> > vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists
> > who had seized a small bakery.
> >
> > The laws of physics do not apply to me.
> >
> > I balance, I weave, I dodge. I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On
> > weekends, to let off steam, I
> >
> > participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning
of
> > life but forgot to write it
> >
> > down.
> >
> > I have made extraordinary four course meals using only some vegetables
and
> > a Breville Toaster. I
> >
> > breed prize winning clams.
> >
> > I have won bullfights in Madrid, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka,
> > and chess competitions at the
> >
> > Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and
I
> > have spoken with Elvis.
> >
> > But I have not yet gone to this University.
> >
> >
> >
> >
>

Ps this is a email from one of my dads mates.... dunno if its true, but it'd be funny if it was!