KMC Forums - In the goodl old USA

Someone emailed this to me i thaught it was v funny

Only in America

Nothing is funnier than the truth...

1. Only in America ... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America ... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America ... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put all our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we don't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'poli' in latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

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In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

1. On Sears hair dryer. 'Do not use while sleeping'. [Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.]

2. On a bag of Fritos: 'You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details Inside'. [Evidently this is a shoplifter special.]

3. On a bar of Dial soap: 'Directions: Use like regular soap'. [And that would be how...?]

4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: 'Serving suggestions: Defrost'. [But it's just a suggestion.]

5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom of the box): 'Do not turn upside down'. [Oops, too late.]

6. On a Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: 'Product will be hot after heating'. [As sure as night follows the day.]

7. On the packaging for a Rowenta iron: 'Do not iron clothes on body'. [But wouldn't this save even more time?]

8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: 'Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication'. [We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those five-year-olds with head colds off those fork lifts.]

9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: 'Warning: May cause drowsiness'. [One would hope so.]

10. On most brands of Christmas lights: 'For indoor or outdoor use only'. [As opposed to what?]

11. On a Japenese food processor: 'Not to be used for other use'. [I gotta admit, I'm curious.]

12. On Sainsbury's peanuts, 'Warning: Contains nuts'. [NEWS FLASH]

13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: 'Instructions, open packet, eat nuts'. [Step 3: Fly United.]

14. On a child's Superman costume: 'Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly'.