KMC Forums - My Death Poetry

Death

Fall to my grave, begging forgiveness on bended knee,
asking heaven above to please return me.
It's too late now, you waited too long,
this is how it ends-you knew all along.
My death was unknown to you at first,
when you heard about it, your heart did burst.
An accident, surely, you thought it must be,
"she'd never end her life over me."
The life of our love is now gone forever,
what once was a beautiful treasure.
"I'm not worth dying over", you think,
to calm the pain, you swallow a drink.
You hurt me when alcohol controlled your life,
so, I, in return, hurt you by using a knife.
The note said it all, told of my pain,
of the heartache and longing I'd never feel again.
You read, re-read, and read it once more,
the third time you saw it you collapsed on the floor.
The note of my death went something like this:
"it all began with one tender kiss.
My love, my life, I'll miss you so much,
your sweet embrace, your gentle touch.
You loved me and you never lied,
as my purity was casually tossed aside.
You knew I'd do anything for your love once more,
but all you could do is slam the door.
My love, my hate, all swept away,
for your selfishness, soon you will pay.
I couldn't keep you, the alcohol won,
all of your deception, you thought in fun.
Now you bear the burden of my death,
till the bitter end, till your very last breath..."
As you read this, I pray you're overcome with depression,
knowing in reality, it will be washed away in sin.
So as you pray to the heavens, asking why,
just think of my note, as you cry.

Nobody hears 1996

In my own little world, I sit here staring,
wondering how long this will go on.
The pain, the suffering, wanting to know you,
yet I can't, for you won't be my friend.
Sitting here, I scream within,
while nobody hears me.
Saddened, I sit here weeping,
as nobody hears me.
They don't want to hear so they shut me out,
making me feel worse than I already do.
Staring at nothing, seeing no one,
I sit here, alone and depressed.
This pain is getting the best of me,
blinding me so I cannot see.
I try to see, but you won't let me,
I try to hear, but you whisper secrets about me.
While I'm weeping, you're laughing;
while I'm sighing, you're smirking.
You don't understand me and you never will,
so please just stop trying.
You make me feel worse than I already do,
by laughing and saying mean things.
I'll get you yet, you just wait and see,
it will be very soon when I pay you back.
Little old me, paying back big mean you?,
"yeah right", is that what you're thinking?
You're wrong, the end is drawing near,
the time for my payback is almost here.
Oh, you say you just can't wait,
you want it right now.
Here it is, a shotgun to the head,
no, not yours, but mine.
My payback was my suicide,
you asked and I answered.
Now aren't you happy
I bet you are!
Now I'm happy, too,
where I never again have to deal with you.
So if you feel lonely, sad and depressed,
just kill yourself and you'll be free.
Then soon enough you'll be dead,
and you'll finally be happy also.

Waiting 09.16.96

I sit here waiting.
Waiting for a friend.
Waiting to be accepted into your world.
Waiting for a love to sweep me off my feet.
Waiting for the end of my life.
I sit here waiting for no one particular.
Waiting for God to take me away,
waiting for the day I will die.
Waiting for the depression to end,
for the hopelessness to go away.
Waiting for the perfect moment,
the one in which I will take my own life.
Waiting for someone to murder me,
fantasizing over thoughts of my own death.
I sit here waiting to be understood,
in a world where I am not welcomed.
I sit here lonely, waiting to die,
wanting to cry.
Wanting to be beautiful and skinny.
Wanting a friend.
Wanting, waiting to die.

Return to darkness 05/21/99

The emptiness and darkness is returning,
that lonely feeling; the heart is burning.
Once, I pushed those feelings away,
they were gone for awhile, they're back today.
This time could be the end for me,
I could finally be gone-my sad soul set free.
The empty hollowness in my chest gone forever,
could it happen? please? no-never!
I was so happy for a long time there,
the pain disappeared, ran off somewhere.
It didn't go too far, found its way back,
right when my life was finally on track.
Finally I've come to a harsh conclusion,
all my hopes and dreams have been an illusion.
So much heartache, pain and strife,
what I want is to end this life.
That won't happen, I'm not brave enough,
tell me why this life has to be so rough.
Your help, dear Lord, is what I need,
nobody knows how my heart does bleed.
Everything�s piling up, I'm quickly sinking,
no rope to grab is what I'm thinking...

02.17.95

She cried out for help, no one was there,
nobody listened, they didn't care.
People kept walking further away,
leaving her with no one to wipe the tears away.
She looked for a friend, nobody came,
nobody liked her, there was no one to blame.
All those years with nobody loving her,
really hurt, and made her dreams all a blur.
Her future looked hopeless, a deep dark black,
people always stabbing her in the back.
Soon she grew tired of the hatred and pain,
said, "I'm leaving here, there's nothing for me to gain."
She left with a bang, stunning everyone,
killing herself with her father's gun.
Everyone laughed, nobody cried,
it was a party when she died,
One lonely girl, killing herself and so scared,
just because nobody cared.

Misunderstood 09.07.96

Slicing and dicing, she cuts deeper and deeper,
seeing just one drop of blood will make her happy.
Crying and shaking, she raises the knife,
wishing for the courage to take her own life.
Pushing harder on the blade, trying to die,
she often just sits and wonders why;
Why are people so selfish and hating,
nobody knows the pain she suffers through.
She just wants love, why don't they understand this?,
nobody says I love you or asks her how she is doing.
Wanting love more than anything in the world,
wanting to feel pretty once in awhile.
Crying and trying to die once again,
all she really needs is one caring friend.
Depressed all the time for reasons unknown to herself,
wishing all the pain would just go disappear.
Trying to be happy and funny is hard for her,
even when doing things she once did enjoy.
No courage to actually kill herself,
just cutting makes her feel better.
Wishing she could die, not knowing why,
just wanting love and companionship.
Crying and shaking, she raises the knife,
wishing for the courage to take her own life...

Melancholy

For a time now, I've felt lost within myself,
not knowing how it feels and unable to decide.
I feel alone, even with myself,
unable to feel anything but emptiness.
There is a yearning within my soul,
a feeling of complete and utter nothingness.
For a moment, I thought I found myself,
for a while, I felt happiness.
One day, though, the melancholy was back,
as was the infinite sadness.
I know I am destined to be sad for eternity,
yet I can't comprehend why that is.
Is it because I am a bad person,
or is a greater force at work here?
Can you see me going down?,
I'm screaming out loud!
The fear of God is within me
and I feel helpless to him.
Help me please
before I lose myself.

I sit and wait
Is this my fate
Am I sure I want to go this way
Life is a game I cannot play
Taking a pill
That's for someone who's ill
Using a rope
That's for people without hope
Using a knife
That's a slow way to end your life
I choose the blade
That way I can feel my life fade
I choose the vein
And wait for the pain
My life, I will end tonight
But I'm not so sure if this is right
I try to write a letter
Thinking it will make everything better
My blood dots the last "I"
And I begin to die

the only way to set this pain free. head full of nothing.
sick and disturbed . no one will touch her. hiding in a corner.
where she wont have to see this world. holding her teddy bear
close to her chest. as tears stream down her face.
she was never the best at anything. her heart is cold and empty.
only her mind thinking about suicide. if she were to take her life.
end it all now. do u think anyone would care? stop to mourn, after its to late?
no. no one would dare. no one ever noticed, or pretended to care.
could u believe all this young girl wanted was for someone to set her soul free.
and show her how nice love could be......

a flowing river of velvit red
feeling fant and getting pale
dying slowly alone and lost
never to wake, never to be
to die like that would be a shame
would be the same as never existing

I changed myself
In ways you'll never know
I can't believe
That I put myself that low.
Instead of being me
I was something new
I took away my happiness
And I made myself you.
I was always quiet
I had nothing to say
But in front of you
I'd say something out of my way.
I wanted to be noticed
Just by your eyes
Now my soul is burried somewhere
Underneath all my lies.
I didn't want to be me
I wanted to be seen
I gave myself sadness
And threw away my dreams.
Now I hate myself
For what I've done
I thought it would be alright
I thought it would be fun.
Now I just sit here alone
With nothing but a broken heart
But I guess that's all I ever had
Right from the start.
I increased my pain
That surges through my mind
I changed myself for you then
Now I'll change the amount of blood that lays upon this knife.

so tired.. of playin.. playin with this bow & arrow.. goin to give my heart away, leavin to the other devils to play