Now this horror story does not begin with ghouls, goblins or groaning monsters. Nor does it begin with a haunting, howling werewolves or politicians. It begins at six pm. Clumsily ambling into the pathfinder, loaded up with boxes and bows and sparkling paper while trying not to slip on the ice. Trying to find the way to the trunk proved difficult, but somehow everybody managed.
We drove to Aunt Dana's for a Christmas Eve party, a tradition that always seemed more like a ritual. Her family, and mine, along with my Uncle Thomas sat in the den. While me and my little cousin chatted away in his mothers room and watched CSI, my little sister tagging along. You see, Nikki, my other cousin was hung over and PMSing. So in other words, she was being a total *****.
The best part of the night came, and we opened presents. Me and my sister got the same play boy bunny purse in different hues and my parent's got a carpet cleaner which would later come into play in the story. The adults drank eggnog, wine and beer while making jokes at each other’s expense. Us kid's listened and waited until the occasional moment where we would burn our parents until we got bored.
Which happened, it always does, parent's are a bore, talking about finances, stocks and so on. So we went downstairs and watched "Mickey Mouse's Christmas. I own that movie, and every year I shed a few tears watching it. It's my favorite, and so much shorter than "it's a wonderful life". Then, then we watched a South park Christmas special. Now I'm not one to judge, but what kind of Christmas special has Satan worshiping woodland creatures and abortions in it? ...Not many.
After this, we went home. Now this is where the story begins, the rest was merely like some would like to call a prologue. Now you must understand me, and my family are idiots. We left two animals (an unbelievably fat cat, and a very stupid dog) alone, for five and a half hours.
It smelt like a wet, wool dishcloth when we stepped into the house. Now I had just baked shortbread cookies and made icing before we left, so it shouldn't smell like that. We knew the animal's had an accident, or at least the dog. A frantic search took place, rushing to and fro, attempting to find the mess. Which was found in my little sisters room. I got a good chuckle for that. But karma always nips you in the butt (found that one out 30 minutes later).
My mom bitched, while cleaning the carpet on her hands and knees, while I sprayed air freshener all over the house. After my mom, who was on the verge of going postal, cleaned up the runny mess my dog made her, she slipped in the second batch. In her own bedroom, I swear the province of Ontario heard her cry of displeasure.
I, who was going to fetch a bottle of wine for my mother, due to less than obvious reason, slipped in the cat vomit. While going down to the basement, and slamming hard into the cement. I still have a large bump on my head thank you very much. In hope my mom wouldn't find this mess, my dad cleaned it up with tissue and threw it into the guest bathroom's toilet. My little sister seen this mess, and flushed it. Now if all hell hadn't broke loose, I was sure as hell it would. And it did, when the toilet got plugged and literally started flooding. My mom, who wanted to use the toilet, found the mess.
Now my mom isn't a bad woman, but she looked ready to murder as she watched me, my dad, and my sister attempt to suppress laughter. Her bottom jaw bulged, her fists were balled up, and she began yelling. We fled into the family room, and I placed all the presents under the tree. After my mom had cleaned up the cat vomit and flooded toilet mess, she went through that wine like no tomorrow. Them in a rather merry and festive mood she sent us up to bed. Now this is where the story ends. And I hope if you took one this out of my story, I hope it is this. Do not give your relatives cleaning supplies of any sort it's a curse. But also, it's wise to get your mother drunk, because you won't have to deal with her anymore.
I'll never forget it either, due to the fact I took a few pictures last night that'll help me remember.
(please log in to view the image)
My little cousin Santino. o_0 Attractive no?
(please log in to view the image)
Spending time with with Santino's puppy.
(please log in to view the image)
My dad, and uncle Thomas, acting rather shameful.
(please log in to view the image)
The mom's =]
(please log in to view the image)
Nikki, this is the only picture I got of her. She wasn't wearing any makeup, so this is the only way I could get a picture. :P
(please log in to view the image)
Me and my little sister. Holding our purses.
(please log in to view the image)
Santino...hold our purses. D:
(please log in to view the image)
his is a bad picture of both of us really.
But as hard as it is to believe, my sister does not have anything shoved up her ass. She always looks like that.
Thanks, I couldn't just think that one up.
...as much as I want too.
Truth is stranger than fiction.
o_0
You have any holiday horror storys. I have them up the ying yang.
KMC Community Forums
Dec 25th, 2006 03:39 PM
great pictures!
lazy 
