People are so into marriage. They are so in love that they want to stay with the person forever, yet once you move in together, things change/people change. It might take time, but it does. Isn't it better to stay single and keep your own space and keep your own identity? What about respecting your views and seeing you as special like they first saw you? Why is it that we feel that we MUST live together to be complete? Shouldn't we already feel that way? Why do others feel they need someone to feel that way? Are people that insecure?
Sorry, but been watching some horrible TV shows about Valentines Day tonight.
Maybe this this should be moved to another area of threads.
__________________ Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
I don't know about staying single all the time, but I certainly agree with the omittance of marriage and moving in together. I believe in maintaining separate bank accounts and residences-- gives each a party autonomy and much desired control, as well as room to breathe whenever things get rocky. I've known a few couples who've split because they spent to much together during fights and rough patches. People need time apart, I'll never understand why most of them don't feel that way.
__________________ Recently Produced and Distributed Young but High-Ranking Political Figure of Royal Ancestry within the Modern American Town Affectionately Referred To as Bel-Air.
Or, here's a thought, maybe there are lots of different personalities in the world and trying to set any general rule for how they "should" form relationships is stupid.
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Graffiti outside Latin class.
Sed quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
A juvenal prank.
No! Conform. Uniformity is the right thing to do. Individuality and personal preferences are for communists and liberal Zionists! Before us lies Germany, within us marches Germany, and after us comes Germany!
Or get married, whatever you want.
__________________ Recently Produced and Distributed Young but High-Ranking Political Figure of Royal Ancestry within the Modern American Town Affectionately Referred To as Bel-Air.
So what else is new. Change: fact o' life. But neither does it always have to be "bad." How things change depends a lot on what choices people make, which often involves expectations, which often are not realistic. Marriage (among other things) = work.
For many people, I would imagine so. On the other hand, one can be a "whole person" within and comprising the "larger wholeness" of couplehood. I would even say that one can't truly be all they can be without being part of something bigger than oneself. Part of "growing up," IMHO, means being able to put your needs second. This becomes especially true with parenthood.
Respecting another's views is one thing; having someone see you as special as when they first saw you is something else. For the former: this should be an integral aspect of any relationship. For the latter: again, things change, and it can be for the better, especially since "love at first sight" is often based on physical, relatively superficial characteristics as well as what one person is "projecting" onto the other. With time can come honesty and clarity in a relationship, as well as an appreciation of the partner's sacrifices (ie, them putting your needs first). In essence, with proper care, love deepens.
Some people are that needy/insecure (not a good basis for any sort of relationship). But I don't think that's the majority. At the very least, I think pair-bonding has been evolutionarily selected for, given the extended care-time human babies need once they've been popped out into the world. Certainly, we are social animals.
I have a feeling this is what prompted you to post this...plus, perhaps, some less-than-ideal personal experiences?
Unfortunately, more and more, we seem to be living in a celebrity-fizz culture with me-first values which -- largely for the sake of profit -- indulge our adolescent drives and fantasies. This is not fertile ground for forming meaningful, long-lasting relationships.
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Shinier than a speeding bullet.
But, I have been in a few long term relationships and BOOM soon as you move in together, the other starts showing the wrong kinds of changes. All of a sudden he has a tempter, which you never saw before, stealing your money, trashing your car, never disconnected from mommy, <--that by it's self was bizzar..etc.
Everything before the "moving in" was all a facade and this last one was totally irresponsible in doing those things I've mentioned, yet he had a great personality and still does. WTF is this?? Which is why I moved out.
I broke up with him. He still calls me his girlfriend, I tell him I've been going out with others. He still calls me his girlfriend. I say, "No we're not, we broke up," He says, "I love you forever," I say, "OK, we'll be friends, go out but I'm going out with other people also," LOL. My life is weird. lol
Maybe this belongs under the "Mental Illness" thread. lol
__________________ Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Last edited by Deja~vu on Feb 13th, 2011 at 03:46 PM
Indeed there are a lot of sneaky bastards 'n' biatches out there with terrific social skills, and unfortunately, these takers often know how to zero-in on the givers. The only thing the givers can really do is learn from past experiences, ie, learn the subtle signs these people give off (not a fail-safe, but it helps). One might also examine their own expectations and maybe realize that the type of partner they thought they wanted/needed is not really the right one.
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Shinier than a speeding bullet.
I believe in marriage but not moving in together before then.We need our space and time apart being that once you do get married you see the person alot.
I've been married for a long time before and I honestly have to say that the saying is true," You really don't know who you were living with until you go through a divorce with them."
On another note, there seems to be so much mental illness out there that when you are seeing someone, you really don't know what you're getting until much later. Because people are not upfront with this, it worries me. It seems when you are polite and listen to people, they flock to you and later you find out that they have some serious issues. They consider you their best friend now. Hahahahaha
I am a nut magnet. lol
__________________ Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
not everyone changes or rather reveals previously unknown and unbearable traits. it's easier and cheaper to raise children together if the couple lives in the same household. A lot of people would think that living together is a deeper level in a relationship or that unless you know what it's like to live with someone, you dont really know that person which makes the image you have of her superficial or even illusory. This is none of my business, but I believe your stories actually corroborate this last view. Would you have prefered to remain in an easygoing relationship with someone whose true charatcer you didnt really know?
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Feb 13th, 2011 02:10 AM
