I think it depends on the person. It's only cruel if a person believes in "love" and finds that the arrangement is impeding their life from seeking it (love isn't important to everyone and not everyone feels it with the same intensity). It's only cruel if the parents (or the other potential suitor) suspects there could be an outside love or crush and decides to expedite the arrangement to cut anything off (Romeo & Juliet = wrong family), other then that, it really depends on the couple being arranged, if they aren't in love with anyone else, and they don't mind the idea of it, then who cares.
I know this is going to sound nasty, but I watched the Bollywood (East Indian) movie "Kama Sutra", but not for the sex, but for the morality of it, and the way my mind works, I felt sorry for the man, as he was in an arranged marriage and was forced to perform with a woman he liked but wasn't really attracted to, but was still punished for seeking his heart, in the end, he rebelled so much that he amplified pleasure to create some sort of balance in the rigidness of the culture that denied him of that passion that he felt with this woman who was not his wife and who the "people" would not accept as his wife, he simply wasn't sexually attracted to his wife, even though, his wife was pretty and from an acceptable family.
I think the African American culture had this same problem. Some who identified strongly with the cultural history use to tell me that during slavery and even afterward, black men had to perform sex with women they weren't attracted to, (and so did the females),it was mate strong with strong. Can you image that? And they would have to keep secret the true loves they had in their life and pretend as if the child they were bringing in the world was one of love, when the child was being born out of a seriously controlled environment in which he/she too would not have a choice or option in their life, no such thing as love for them, or if it was, they usually ran away together or worked something out in secret, so I have been told, and yes, this happened within the same race and in "opposite" races, people do fall in love with each other, no matter if it's socially "right" for them to be awarded as a "couple". It sucks to be in that position of not being good enough for whatever the public thinks of you, but in 2007, it still happens, no doubt about that.
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Last edited by Czarina_Czarina on Aug 17th, 2007 at 02:46 AM
Apart from South Asians what other ethnicities practice arranged marriages?
i feal that women especialy desi women should always stay loyal to their parents and always do what their tell tham and give them as many choices as possible buT to force them like what happend to Yasmin then that is wrong
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Last edited by colonelf40 on Aug 17th, 2007 at 02:59 AM
Middle class and upper middle class Americans, but it's swept under the rug, shhhhhhhhhh.
The history of AA culture, it was not marriage, but their sex life was arranged, can you image someone telling you to have sex with another woman like an animal? And you know darn well who you are sexually attracted to and it may not be that lady, (could be his wife, careful careful), or it could be the one that he found pretty blocks away, that gave him a pretty wide smile, either way, the history of slavery was based on controlling their sexual functions. Women can pull this off better then men, imo. Arranged marriages don't hurt women as much as it hurts the man b/c a man's taste may not be according to popular opinion, and he may have to stay put with a woman that is agreeable in public but he may have zero sexual attraction for her, but can never express it b/c she probably comes from an equally powerful family, so it's not just AA that got stuck in this type of lifestyle, but white Americans as well, as they too had arrangements based on astrological signs and stuff like that. All this stuff was taught to the Europeans by East Indians, during the East Indian trade era, and it's still practiced in middle America to this very day, don't let people fool you, ok?
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Last edited by Czarina_Czarina on Aug 17th, 2007 at 03:06 AM
My father was in an arranged marriage with my mom (she's part Asian), and he loved her looks but didn't like her personality, she was in an arrangement b/c he wanted into politics. To this day, I never EVER think harshly or badly of a politician who "cheats" on his wife, b/c I doubt they got together out of love, I suspect their marriage was "arranged", he would have never gotten so high if he married the women that he wanted, and everything looks good on paper. That's why when those politicians get caught, I am the last lady on earth heckling them, save my dad's issue as he was swept into a marriage out of the lure and promise of a successful career in politics. Again, he loved the command she brought him, the social life, seeing some/certain doors opening, but he didn't love "her" and she didn't love "him". They had three kids together, you can bring children in this world without love, you know that. Some of these same folks can't even stand children and would rather a stranger raise them for them. Trust me, arranged marriages is not for the man, it's for the rich or upper class females or some sort of protection for her to secure her a life in which that man is in fear for treating her otherwise, so again, I never toot my nose at politicians for their personal life, not if I suspect "arrangement" or he married into the "right" family for his political career or to gain network access into the right firm. I just understand the same way I understood when my dad explained his issues to me. At first, we all hated him, but after I understood the issue (10 years ago) in it's entirety, I completely let go of judging him.
It is cruel, but in those societies, this is what they do. I am thinking its a custom for them.
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Why do all you North Americans keep on saying East Indian to refer people from India?
Is it because you get confused with Native Americans(Red Indians)?
On the topic, Im not against or for arranged marriages but i feel that in my culture the typical south asian woman should always respect her parents and do the right thing.
Some parents will kill their daughters if they dont what they are told and i know this one girl named that i went to highschool with that was murderd by her front of all of her family just last year and her name was Yasmin.
Thats what you get for crossing your parents which is such a tradegy
That is exactly why, bro. The politically correct name for American Indians is actually Native Americans. Calling Native Americans "Indians" came from the days of Christopher Columbus trying to find a "spice route" to the "east Indies". Native Americans were called West Indians because of that...or simply Indians.
Well, CC had a Moorish-navigator, the Moors, before "kicked" out of Europe/Spain (of course, they didn't kick out the professional working class Moors with skills in science/math/astronomy), Moors had trade with East Indians and Moors were advanced in astronomy, the navigator sent CC the wrong path (perhaps on purpose, ops on his part), making him believe he was in India (maybe he did this to exact his revenge for his cousin who was exhiled to another country, who knows), he gave CC the opposite route and there goes history. (disclaimer: I have nothing against Moors, it's all part of history).
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Last edited by Czarina_Czarina on Aug 17th, 2007 at 05:54 AM
I have no idea what you are talking about there. Here, read up on why he made the voyage in the "Background to voyages" section. It was to establish a "West Indian" "spice route" as it was called.
He was on the impression that he landed in East India, from what I recall, and yes, he did have a Moorish navigator or ship-captain to guide the path, and yes, he was going to East India for similar reasons as Marco Polo's travel for black tea from China, for trade,it was b/c of trade, but from what I can recall, this "America" was an accidental, he was suppose to find East India for the queen of Spain, I think it was Isabella or something like that, it's been awhile. If I'm wrong, it's no big deal, as it's been a long while since I read world/American History.
This is off topic now but what I meant by "I have no idea what you are talking about there" is that you were attributing CC's voyage to the America's to a devious navigator, which is wrong. He planned the voyage for years and lobbied to get funding to find a western route...it was no navigational error by even the faintest stretch of the imagination.
well i don't know anything about the culture but i just saw an ep. of Law and Order about a family like that and the bro kills the sis because she likes a person outside of her culture and the mom testifies that it was the brother who did it but the dad started it and she ends up dead and the dad out of the country...
Please tell me you can infer from what you read in history. First, the Spanish kicked out the Moors and Jews, (not the professional/skilled workers though) where do you think these folks left off to? Middle East and North Africa, how do you think CC and his crew were going to get to China or E. India knowing they have pirates/celestrial navigators on their tail? Well, he wasn't taking the long route b/c he wanted a bed side view of the ocean front. He was figuring a different route with his "navigator" to avoid the old routes that would cause "trouble" along the way. So, if you read that CC was just going on an adventure to America, then I got land on the moon for $200k I can sell you tonight. He was misdirection, from what I was taught, and was never told the reason why, but, I can guess that part of the OTHER reason for going a non-traditional route is b/c he/they couldn't take the old routes b/c the old routes would have gotten them pirated/ship wrecked/etc. And I can't believe they don't talk about the Moor-navigator anymore, maybe it's not politically correct right now.
plus they were looking for the plant derived medicine, not just high-tea leaves.
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Last edited by Czarina_Czarina on Aug 17th, 2007 at 06:34 AM
"In the 15th and 16th centuries, the Europeans wanted to find sea routes to the East. Columbus wanted to find a new route to the Far East, to India, China, Japan and the Spice Islands."
It never explains why he would want to find a NEW route, to waste the queen's dollars, uhm, I doubt they would go for that, uhm, why would he take a NEW route? To get lost and waste food and lives? A NEW route, why does anyone seek a new route in the friendly seas, esp. after kicking out Jews and Moors that are now running around upset in the high seas, uhm?? I wanta know what happen to the old route, seems like they would be able to calculate the time and lives and spoils/food for a safe vougage on a familar path, what changed? It took him a year to plan a route that he never went to, uhm, something went wrong. Was it the navigator? The pirates? Fatigue? It's a case of who done it. I suspect somewhere b/t his Moorish navigator and the pirates in North Africa, he had to skip the old plans and found himself in a new place that his navigator lied and said was East India, but, hey, we really don't know what happened, I'm really inferring alot here, but you can't neglect that effects of the Jews/Moors being kicked out,and these were merchant-tradesman and maritime folks, so you gotta factor all sorts into this equation, not just assume he was on some sort of sea adventure with the queen's dollars, you know that doesn't make sense.
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Last edited by Czarina_Czarina on Aug 17th, 2007 at 06:52 AM
I' d rather base the choice of a marriage partner on romantic notions than on a careful, objective evaluation of the compatibility of the couple.
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