I'm becoming less and less connected to everything around me.
First of all, nothing really touches me, nothing moves me or shakes me out of this apathy.
Second of all, I'm completely at the mercy of urges to eat, sexuality, and anger really. Those three impulses are the only real things that actually prompt me do something like pig out and throw shit around and break shit. Sometimes sleeping but that's not very common for me to even want to sleep.
Like, nothing really captures my attention, nothing is invigorating anymore. It used to be. I have zero moral empathy, for the longest time I struggled with manic depression and I think it was me stepping out of the infantile nurturing from my mother. I just felt so isolated and I had some sort of anxiety separation but that has come back every once in a while but I feel that slipping. I mean I don't give a care about affection or empathy right now either.
I'm not depressed, I'm just not stimulated or motivated I feel basically just impulses. Some people can go around from day to day and every single day something catches their eye, like something is nice-looking to them, or something baffles them and they express that. Whenever I've expressed it it's been a split personality, I can tell you right now I am an expert at feigning interest because I see other people and I'm just being a mocking bird, monkey see monkey. I don't really give a care about that stuff.
I'm thinking maybe methamphetamine? Nah, I've been on them they don't help. None of the drugs really seem to change the fact that I have trouble with intrinsic feeling. It's not mood stabilizers, they're not going to motivate me.
The only thing that really wakes me up is alcohol, but that's just a stupor.
I'm sure there are thousands of sociopaths just in this part of the country, I've had my suspicions when I've seen another one. Is it just something I'm going to have to learn to deal with? Sociopaths turn out either being bums or those weird ass people working in offices. That's just something I'll have to live with?
I think a term for it is anxiety neurosis, my father has it, I have it. I don't even want to leave the house most of the time.
__________________ "Compounding these trickster aspects, the Joker ethos is verbally explicated as such by his psychiatrist, who describes his madness as "super-sanity." Where "sanity" previously suggested acquiescence with cultural codes, the addition of "super" implies that this common "sanity" has been replaced by a superior form, in which perception and processing are completely ungoverned and unconstrained"
The times I've had to most fun were playing, foot racing, racing bumper cars, disney world, rollercoasters, jumping into quarries, sparring, going to the city, shopping around, the country side, nature, sight-seeing and exploring.
The issue is I'm hauled up here. Don't even fricken get me started on working.
__________________ "Compounding these trickster aspects, the Joker ethos is verbally explicated as such by his psychiatrist, who describes his madness as "super-sanity." Where "sanity" previously suggested acquiescence with cultural codes, the addition of "super" implies that this common "sanity" has been replaced by a superior form, in which perception and processing are completely ungoverned and unconstrained"
Moore's law on artificial intelligence is going to prompt us to make some changes eventually. Never were we meant to be care-takers as we've become. The threat will literally prompt us into action to completely re-engineer the modern world so that it can become space-faring and so that it can promote multi-ethnic and cultural mergers, pioneering and creative thought.
Really ****ed up, once a computer starts showing signs of anxiety and aggression during an disagreement with a human shit's going to get real, fast.
__________________ "Compounding these trickster aspects, the Joker ethos is verbally explicated as such by his psychiatrist, who describes his madness as "super-sanity." Where "sanity" previously suggested acquiescence with cultural codes, the addition of "super" implies that this common "sanity" has been replaced by a superior form, in which perception and processing are completely ungoverned and unconstrained"
Let me just say that I do have anxiety neurosis but it's not that I'm anti-impressionable when it comes to motivation, I just have mood instabilities.
I have a plan for my future. I just have really bad emotional problems. I've always had them. Right now I'm hurt and I can't work and it's getting to me, I think that's why I made this thread.
__________________ "Compounding these trickster aspects, the Joker ethos is verbally explicated as such by his psychiatrist, who describes his madness as "super-sanity." Where "sanity" previously suggested acquiescence with cultural codes, the addition of "super" implies that this common "sanity" has been replaced by a superior form, in which perception and processing are completely ungoverned and unconstrained"
__________________ Recently Produced and Distributed Young but High-Ranking Political Figure of Royal Ancestry within the Modern American Town Affectionately Referred To as Bel-Air.
Aspergers mostly always comes with anxiety neurosis and ADHD and bi-polar, that's just how bad that disorder is.
When certain brain structures in and of themselves develop differently, when the immune system is weak, when the mind's chemical imbalance is out of whack, you're highly vulnerable in this society.
That's why Aspergers children get victimized quite brutally - from dumping feces as a prank to lighting the dude on a fire as a birthday prank.
__________________ "Compounding these trickster aspects, the Joker ethos is verbally explicated as such by his psychiatrist, who describes his madness as "super-sanity." Where "sanity" previously suggested acquiescence with cultural codes, the addition of "super" implies that this common "sanity" has been replaced by a superior form, in which perception and processing are completely ungoverned and unconstrained"
Last edited by KillaKassara on Dec 13th, 2014 at 08:23 AM
I read an article a good while back that claimed sociopathy/psychopathy are an inevitability of human evolution and will become more prevalent. If that's true then all the drugs in the world won't do much good.
Maybe I am wrong about that. Oneness, seems like you are bored, maybe you need some Ritalin or Adderall and go out meet people. Most you won't be able to get any sort of deep connection, but unless you are a social butterfly, that is completely normal. Socialites:you can not get them to stop being a chatterbox bore.
__________________ Recently Produced and Distributed Young but High-Ranking Political Figure of Royal Ancestry within the Modern American Town Affectionately Referred To as Bel-Air.
Gender: Male Location: United States
Lake Ontario, NY
You express yourself well enough Oneness. It sounds like a cry for someone to be in charge. Try to understand that you have a lot in common with the people around you and the better you understand that you are not alone the more you will be able to feel.
I have androgen excess, I'm predisposed to excess aromatase, when I drink or smoke an urban that shit it's all down hill from there.
Over time it's no good. I need to quit.
__________________ "Compounding these trickster aspects, the Joker ethos is verbally explicated as such by his psychiatrist, who describes his madness as "super-sanity." Where "sanity" previously suggested acquiescence with cultural codes, the addition of "super" implies that this common "sanity" has been replaced by a superior form, in which perception and processing are completely ungoverned and unconstrained"
Last edited by KillaKassara on Dec 19th, 2014 at 12:23 PM
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Dec 13th, 2014 04:13 AM
