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HISTORY ACCORDING TO 6TH GRADERS The following were answers provided by
6th
> graders during history tests. Watch the spelling! Some of the best humor
is
> in the misspelling.
>
> 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in
hydraulics.
> They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all
> the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
>
> 2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened
> bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount
> Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached
Canada.
>
> 3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
>
> 4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we
wouldn't
> have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
>
> 5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
advice.
> They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his
death,
> his career suffered a dramatic decline.
>
> 6. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The
Ides
> of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king.
> Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
>
> 7. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.
>
> 8. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success.
When
> she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
>
> 9. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented
> removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the
> circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he
> invented cigarettes and started smoking.
>
> 10. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
>
> 11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was
> born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much
money
> and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies,
and
> hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example
of
> a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
>
> 12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote
> Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise
> Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
>
> 13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress.
> Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the
> Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing
two
> cats backward and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand."
> Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
>
> 14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother
> died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his
own
> hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Proclamation. On
the
> night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his
seat
> by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator
was
> John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
>
> 15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large
> number of children. In between, he practiced on an old spinster which he
> kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the
most
> famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German,
half
> Italian, and half English. He was very large.
>
> 16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he
wrote
> loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was
calling
> for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
>
> 17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
> inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by
> machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to
spring
> up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a
> hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin
was
> a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered
the
> radio. Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.