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My Own Go At A Story
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Tuloola
Official Degenerate :)

Gender: Female
Location: United Kingdom (Scotland)

Worried My Own Go At A Story

I'm thinking of posting my own go at a story I came up with but I'm kinda nervous about criticism and I dont want to post if no one is going to read. so here is just a small part of the begining:


THE VIM

As the sun sank behind the jagged tops of the Thorny Mountains, the shadows on the dust-infested ground, grew and settled into sinister figures. The rocky surrounding became nothing more than dark shapes and Verve Mountain seemed to sink into the distance.
A soft íroarí broke the intense silence, steadily growing louder and more threatening, before a sharp, golden light pierced the darkness. The source came speeding forward, moving smoothly around the rocks and small mountains, speeding up so that itís rider appeared as a dark blur. As the Dual Bike reached Verve Mountain, the rider dismounted and raised head to take in the perilous height and dangerous ledges of the giant formation. The Mountain was not meant to be climbed, the rider knew that, but he had an important task that would, undoubtedly, decide his future at The Organization.
He had always been a dedicated member. Sacrificing his whole life to comply with the need of The Organization. Even now, when he was on a secret mission, he wore the traditional dark purple, hooded cloak and thick, knee-high boots. They were not ideal foot-wear for climbing any mountain, let alone the most dangerous, heavily, Spiritually guarded mountain in that world.
The rider considered his Dual Bike. It was a deep, emerald colour, the same as every members, as was required. It was an old for of transport, unused now as sky transportation had become more popular. However, it had itís uses and was not all together inefficient. Also, itís colour made it blend in perfectly with the darkness, making it difficult to spot to anyone who didnít know it was there.
After a moment, the rider decided would not be seen by anyone, and, indeed, who would be around to see it. He then turned, doubtfully, to Verve Mountain. Now for the difficult part. So absorbed in successfully completing his task, he began to climb the mountain without the noticing a second, deep emerald, Dual Bike, sitting in the shadows of Verve Mountain.
The Temple was almost as high as and as breathtaking as the mountain it sat apon. The rider gazed apon it and realised, with great joy, that he was fulfilling the dream that any member would die for. He exhaled slowly, savouring the moment before entering the Temple through its massive, doorway. He stepped into semi-darkness, suddenly feeling his heart sink with disappointment. It was not what he had imagined. He had pictured splendor and grandness. As it was, the whole structure was dilapidating and the uneven ground was littered with rubble and small puddles of dirty water, which, no doubt, entered through the many holes in the Temple roof. The only sources of light were from the many candles, that where positioned in the rafters of the temple. The rider guessed that they where magically lit, as it seemed impossible they could remain lit through the rain and gale force winds.
The rider remained in the Temple entrance, his eyes searching the structure, taking in every detail before they fell on the shape at the back of the Temple. He moved slowly towards it, stumbling on a piece of unnoticed debris but remaining focused on the shape. As he got closer he saw that it was a large, alabaster, podium and, easily, the most beautiful and skilfully made structure for miles. It seemed untouched by the dust that blanketed everything else around the Temple and appeared to shine through the darkness as the rider got closer. However, it was the item that lay on top of the podium that made the riders heart beat frantically with excitement. As he reached the podium, he stared, greedily, at the large book that lay there, covered, slightly, by a blood red material.
The book was more enticing to the rider than anything else he could think of. He reached out a shaking hand, and softly, pulled away the red material apon it. It really was entrancing. Itís pages where gold and bound together with thick, black thread. The cover was made of a light, silver metal. A purple medallion, in the shape of a star was inlaid into the cover, and beneath it, in white lettering, read the word ďVimĒ.

Old Post May 7th, 2009 04:39 PM
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Tuloola
Official Degenerate :)

Gender: Female
Location: United Kingdom (Scotland)

Shall I go on?

Old Post May 11th, 2009 05:24 PM
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TxG
Evil Genius

Gender: Female
Location: Home

yeah its sounds good


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Old Post May 15th, 2009 01:13 PM
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