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Star Wars: Episode 1 (rewrite)
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LanceWindu
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Star Wars: Episode 1 (rewrite)

STAR WARS

Episode I

The Beginning




Chapter 1





It was nearing midday, the shadows on the walls retracting to just a sliver of their former selves. A young man sits cross legged, his eyes closed, clearing his mind of all troubles and searching out with his feelings. This is the life of a Jedi Padawan, the daily exercises of mind, body, and soul. He feels not one ripple flow through the Force, he silently curses himself for lack of concentration. Just then a buzzer sounds, indicating someone on the other side of the door. This time the man's mind can feel the presence. He opens his eyes just as the door slides open.

"Anakin, why aren't you ready?" his Master, Obi-Wan asks. "We are to leave for the Senate within minutes."

Anakin rises to his feet quickly, "Sorry Master. I was just going over the exercises you wanted me to work on."

"At least you are doing your work, but now is not the time. The Chancellor has personally asked the Jedi to be there for the days proceedings," Obi-Wan says as he hands Anakin his lightsaber, the weapon of the Jedi & the symbol of peace.

"So soon after the last debate? You'd think those politicians would get tired of talking so much. I nearly fell asleep the last time we were invited to one of these things."

Obi-Wan can't help but chuckle. If there's one thing he can count on, it's Anakin and his youthful views. "Just between you and me, I did catch a quick nap. Now hurry up, I'll be waiting by the speeder." With that he walked from the room, the door sliding shut behind him.

Anakin quickly gathers himself and races after his master.

This is family, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker. The Master and the Apprentice, but to them they are brothers. By all accounts that's just what they are. Anakin was first brought to the Jedi Temple as an infant, not yet two years of age. The Jedi Council took special interest in him, he was strong with the Force, they could all feel it. He was placed under Obi-Wan's care and the pair formed a bond brought through hardship and triumph of missions to various star systems to settle disputes, often encountering resistance.

----------------------------------------------

The flight to the Senate Rotunda was uneventful. Not long after leaving the docking port of the Jedi Temple they arrived at their destination, the meeting place of the galaxies leaders. With it's curved archetype, the building stood out on Coruscant like a sore thumb. On a city wide planet full of lean towers and long wide factories it is one of the most recognizable places to be seen on the Holonet, and frankly one of the most secure as well.

The comm in the speeder chirped, signaling an incoming message. "This is Senate Security, please identify yourself." a stern, gruff voice announced.

"This is Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi, requesting permission to dock."

There was a pause, Obi-Wan suspected the man to be checking his database for records on him no doubt. Seconds later the gruff voice came in again. "Permission granted Master Kenobi, please dock on the northeast wing, Docking Bay 94. Security out." With that silence filled the speeder once more.

"They seem to have stepped up security again since we were last here." Anakin commented offhandedly.

"What with the possibilities of a galaxy wide civil disagreement, it seems quite alright, just more precaution," Obi-Wan says, "Dooku has made himself many enemies with his recent actions."

Anakin looks to his master, "Is that why you think we've been asked to attend? Even more security to protect a right wing activist threatening to secede from the Republic?"

"Possibly, but since he still falls under the Republic laws we are obligated to protect and serve. Even if we disagree with him. Now concentrate on your flying before you get us killed."

With amusement evident on his face, the young Padawan maneuvers the speeder to the docking bay. Reversing the repulsor lifts and extending the landing gear, he sets the ship down with not much more than a slight bump.

"If only you'd spend as much time on searching out with your feeling as much as you do piloting ships then you'd have already passed your trials."

"I'm sorry Master, but I'm trying," Anakin frustrated once more by his lack of concentration, "I know I know...'Do or do not, there is no try.' No need to hammer that into me again, Master Yoda does it enough as it is."

"Well it's true and you know it." Obi-Wan points out as he removes his crash webbing and steps out of the speeder. The two Jedi each throw the hoods up on their cloaks and make their way into the Senate in silence. As they approach the large doors leading into the building a pair of guards block the entrance. The familiar blue armor of the Senate Guard is easily recognized by the Jedi. The Senate Guard has remained a trustworthy symbol of peace and security in and around Galactic City for thousands of years, offering protection to leaders and acting as a second police force, often times at odds with the Jedi over investigations.

The taller of the two takes a step forward, "Halt!"

"Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi and Padawan Anakin Skywalker, Chancellor Valorum has requested the Jedi to be here today." Obi-Wan explains.

"But of course, just precautions as you know Master Jedi."

"Yes, of course. Now if we may be permitted inside before we're late?"

The guard steps to the side and enters a security code in a panel near the door, which slides up into the walls of the large building. The two step in and are their senses are immediately assaulted with the sounds of dignitaries and holonews crews of various physical makeup, the smells of the various beings and the sight of a huge crowd attempting to reach their designated corridors for their Senate pods. Humanoids, reptilians, small furry creatures and many more that Anakin can't even begin to place.

With exasperation in his voice, "Almost makes me wish to be locked up in the Temple, I hate crowds.", Anakin remarks.

Obi-Wan, walking side by side with his student and flashing a kind smile to those passing by, is silent for a moment. "Hate is a strong word don't you think? Remember your teachings, suppress those feelings. This is the true life of the Jedi, to be among the people we serve protecting them."

"Does it say anywhere in our mandate that we actually have to enjoy our work?"

"We shall talk about this later Anakin, but for now we must meet up with Master Windu and the other Jedi."

With that they headed off towards the meeting room that the Jedi were assigned as the group of beings began to disperse.


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Last edited by LanceWindu on Jan 22nd, 2006 at 08:29 PM

Old Post Jan 22nd, 2006 08:26 PM
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kimmeh
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veddy cool!! now where's the rest? stick out tongue


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Old Post Jan 22nd, 2006 11:42 PM
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xEsaulx
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This is very very very good. The two main problems were:

Tense, you gotten it mixed up several times. Most stories are in past tense, and i thought i would inform you on that.

Detail, though i have seen all of the movies, you might want to put detail into who these two are. not everyone in the world has seen star wars, and you might want to work on that soon. And I don't really believe in this, but their was too much dialouge. more time could be spent on why the senate meetings were boring. go into detail why they fall asleep and what not.

oh, and this last thing, it really i think should be a statement, and not a question.

quote:
"Yes, of course. Now if we may be permitted inside before we're late?"


other than that it was perfect, and i'm looking foward to more big grin


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Old Post Jan 22nd, 2006 11:43 PM
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LanceWindu
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quote: (post)
Originally posted by lordzeb
This is very very very good. The two main problems were:

Tense, you gotten it mixed up several times. Most stories are in past tense, and i thought i would inform you on that.

Detail, though i have seen all of the movies, you might want to put detail into who these two are. not everyone in the world has seen star wars, and you might want to work on that soon. And I don't really believe in this, but their was too much dialouge. more time could be spent on why the senate meetings were boring. go into detail why they fall asleep and what not.

oh, and this last thing, it really i think should be a statement, and not a question.



other than that it was perfect, and i'm looking foward to more big grin


Tense, yeah...erm...I knew I probably screwed it up a few times, this is the first story I've ever written and my writing skills aren't up to par.

Detail, I am planning on giving some more a little bit later, going into more detail on characters (maybe a very short character driven chapter in between main chapters?). And yeah, I think I did put too much dialouge in, but I wanted it to be a very verbal story, not having to rely too much on silent action sequences or get too boring describing the surroundings.

That last bit, I pictured it in my head where Obi-Wan's tone of voice makes it sound like he's questioning whether or not the guard will open the door. Can be easily changed in the final draft I will post once the entire story is completed though. I plan on writing it into nearly a full length book. Completely rewriting Episode 1, which thus changes the entire PT which I would hope to one day write as well.


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Old Post Jan 22nd, 2006 11:51 PM
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xEsaulx
Bringer of Life

Gender: Male
Location: The Land of Quar

FIRST TIME???
WOW. you are really good at this. you have really good skills for a first timer. i sucked when i first started writing. check blade the dragon warrior to see what i mean. people think i stole the idea from Eragon! that got me mad.

about the question/comment thing, i realized why you put it there, and your right. so forget about the comment.

making it verbal is an interesting idea, i never done that myself too much.

anyway, i'm expecting more soon big grin


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Old Post Jan 23rd, 2006 12:04 AM
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LanceWindu
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quote: (post)
Originally posted by lordzeb
FIRST TIME???
WOW. you are really good at this. you have really good skills for a first timer. i sucked when i first started writing. check blade the dragon warrior to see what i mean. people think i stole the idea from Eragon! that got me mad.

about the question/comment thing, i realized why you put it there, and your right. so forget about the comment.

making it verbal is an interesting idea, i never done that myself too much.

anyway, i'm expecting more soon big grin


Yep, my first true story. Although there was one in grade school that was just a page long. laughing out loud

And more soon...hmm, dunno when that'll be. I actually started writing this back in September (about 2 days worth of coming up with a plot outline, characters to introduce, etc and then writing). Then I put it on the shelf because I ran into writers block. I just started working on it again today, added this...

quote:
The guard steps to the side and enters a security code in a panel near the door, which slides up into the walls of the large building. The two step in and are their senses are immediately assaulted with the sounds of dignitaries and holonews crews of various physical makeup, the smells of the various beings and the sight of a huge crowd attempting to reach their designated corridors for their Senate pods. Humanoids, reptilians, small furry creatures and many more that Anakin can't even begin to place.

With exasperation in his voice, "Almost makes me wish to be locked up in the Temple, I hate crowds.", Anakin remarks.

Obi-Wan, walking side by side with his student and flashing a kind smile to those passing by, is silent for a moment. "Hate is a strong word don't you think? Remember your teachings, suppress those feelings. This is the true life of the Jedi, to be among the people we serve protecting them."

"Does it say anywhere in our mandate that we actually have to enjoy our work?"

"We shall talk about this later Anakin, but for now we must meet up with Master Windu and the other Jedi."

With that they headed off towards the meeting room that the Jedi were assigned as the group of beings began to disperse.


...to finish out the first chapter.


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Old Post Jan 23rd, 2006 12:09 AM
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xEsaulx
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i'm only fifteen and i have too many stories to count. last time i checked, over 15.

so anyway.......gotta quick question.........

so do you plan on remaking everything? because that would be so amazing.


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Old Post Jan 23rd, 2006 12:17 AM
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LanceWindu
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quote: (post)
Originally posted by lordzeb
i'm only fifteen and i have too many stories to count. last time i checked, over 15.

so anyway.......gotta quick question.........

so do you plan on remaking everything? because that would be so amazing.


Whenever I finish this story, only god knows when that'll happen, but I'm starting Chapter 2 soon which will be a background chapter on Anakin. Since I'm changing most everything his background is completely different than what you're used to, and makes a bit more sense than Lucas' work.

He was never from Tattooine (Padme is stick out tongue, she's the sister of Owen, which makes Owen's contempt for Anakin in Episode IV even better, he never liked him and he was proven right when Anakin joined the Dark Side) he was never a slave, he never knew his mother, he grew up in the temple like any other Padawan learner, and there is NO prophecy. He's just extremely gifted with his talents and that has attracted some evil doers to keep an eye on him.


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Old Post Jan 23rd, 2006 12:22 AM
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xEsaulx
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your getting me hooked to this. i want more.................hehehe


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Old Post Jan 23rd, 2006 12:24 AM
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LanceWindu
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quote: (post)
Originally posted by lordzeb
your getting me hooked to this. i want more.................hehehe


Oh, and a better explanation to you question...

I plan to finish this one, write AOTC (different title), and ROTS (I think I'll keep that title)...but my events shouldn't change the OT (which was perfect IMO).

BTW in my story, Anakin is about his age in AOTC, he will end up falling to the Dark Side sometime in Episode 2 so Episode III can be really dark and follow Anakin around on the Jedi Purge.

And Count Dooku isn't a Sith or even a former Jedi in my story, just another minion of Darth Sidious. Darth Maul will stay alive until Episode III where he will duel Anakin to the death. Fighting over the rightful spot as Sidious' right hand man.

The only reason I am giving these plot points out is because most of would be known anyways and that people need to know this isn't just a rehash of the PT with new dialouge.


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Old Post Jan 23rd, 2006 12:33 AM
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xEsaulx
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YAY!. LORD MAUL STAYS UNTIL EPISODE THREE big grin big grin big grin

i can't wait for that........hehehe....................

i'm attempting my own star wars story, but so far no luck. i got one post, and it has nothing relating to star wars so far.


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Old Post Jan 23rd, 2006 12:39 AM
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Hazardous
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Its about fecking time you procrastinator!

Old Post Jan 23rd, 2006 01:55 AM
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REXXXX
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Impressive, Ken. yes


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Old Post Jan 23rd, 2006 07:37 AM
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Peach
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quote: (post)
Originally posted by Mišt
Its about fecking time you procrastinator!


My thoughts exactly!


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Old Post Jan 23rd, 2006 07:41 AM
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Jaeh
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Cool...


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Old Post Jan 23rd, 2006 09:41 AM
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ESB -1138
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quote: (post)
Originally posted by KENobi™
Oh, and a better explanation to you question...

I plan to finish this one, write AOTC (different title), and ROTS (I think I'll keep that title)...but my events shouldn't change the OT (which was perfect IMO).

BTW in my story, Anakin is about his age in AOTC, he will end up falling to the Dark Side sometime in Episode 2 so Episode III can be really dark and follow Anakin around on the Jedi Purge.

And Count Dooku isn't a Sith or even a former Jedi in my story, just another minion of Darth Sidious. Darth Maul will stay alive until Episode III where he will duel Anakin to the death. Fighting over the rightful spot as Sidious' right hand man.

The only reason I am giving these plot points out is because most of would be known anyways and that people need to know this isn't just a rehash of the PT with new dialouge.


Cool but please keep Dooku the way we seen him in the movies as a fallen Jedi Master turned to the dark side. I really liked Dooku because you really couldn't tell whether or not Count Dooku was truly evil.


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Old Post Jan 26th, 2006 02:55 PM
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LanceWindu
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Nah, this is my rewrite and I'm doing it as I see fit and how I would have liked to see the movies.

If it weren't for some of my friends, Dooku would be written out completely. Same for Qui-Gon Jinn, who never taught Obi-Wan in my story, but in fact Yoda did, just like Obi-Wan said in the OT. Qui-Gon will be seen as a Jedi Council member though.


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Old Post Jan 26th, 2006 04:28 PM
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