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Brit531
Senior Member
 Gender: Female
Location: Somewhere where the fairies rein su |
7th book, my way
Ok, this is my first time writing and I would like some type of feed back. 
Chapter 1:
One night a boy named Harry Potter suddenly awoke. Harry didn't the reason why he woke up, but he had a pretty good idea about it. He looked over at the clock that read 12:00. He remembered that at that moment he turned 17 years old. Maybe that was why he was feeling like he was. Turning 17 years old may not be anything special for an ordinary teenager, but Harry Potter is no ordinary teenager. Infact he is a wizard. Harry new that in the wizarding world he has turn of age and is now able to do magic outside of school without any consequences.
Harry suddenly relized that his owl, Hedwig, was at the window holding three letters for him. One of the letters were form Ron. Another was from Hermione. The last one was from Ginny. Harry decided that he would open Ron's letter first. Ron letter said....
Dear Harry,
Happy Birthday mate.Feels good to be 17 doesn't it. Well dad, Hermione, and I are coming to get you at 8:00 so make sure your packed and ready. That should give you enough time to say goodbye and pack.
See You Soon,
Ron
Harry then opened Hermione's next.
Dear Harry,
Happy Birthday!!!! How does it feel to be able to do magic now. Great right!!Now that you are of age you have to start to study for your apparation test coming up soon. The test is important these days.Well I guess I will be seeing you tonight. We will discuss this matter more later.
See You At 8:00,
Hermione
Harry knew that Hermione would say something like that, but as Harry started to look at the last letter he couldn't. He was afraid of what might be inside. He thought about what would be in it, but he still couldn't look in it. So Harry put it aside and got out a quill and parchment to write to Ron and Hermione.
Dear Ron and Hermione,
I will be ready at 8:00. Can't wait to see you.
Harry
Harry then gave the letter to Hedwig and told her to go as fast as possible, but before Hedwig had left Harry gave her a treat and then see was off.
Harry went back to his bed and laid down. He thought about a few things, but then fell back to sleep with the thought of going back to the burrow.
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May 25th, 2006 09:47 PM |
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paliwal_ruppal
A teenage witch
 Gender: Female
Location: Griffindor common room,
Hogwarts |
Well it is good no doubt but try to explain things a little more. Like why Harry didn't want to open Ginny's letter, what he thought was inside it and give spaces between the paragraphs. It will look better  
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May 26th, 2006 12:33 PM |
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sammii
Senior Member
 Gender: Female
Location: exactly where i am |
mint so far
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May 26th, 2006 03:25 PM |
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Brit531
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Somewhere where the fairies rein su |
Thanks and I noticed the same thing
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May 27th, 2006 02:30 PM |
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kaz larner
Nice new Doctor..........
 Gender: Female
Location: United Kingdom |
looks great so far post more soon ok 
__________________
 Mmmm...nice new Doctor.... 
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May 31st, 2006 08:54 PM |
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iluvhp1_7
Fourth Year
 Gender: Female
Location: Gryffindor Girls Dormitory |
really good! Just remember to explain things more and look it over a couple times before you post. Some spelling stuff and missing words but otherwise i luved it. Can't wait for more!
__________________
Take what you can from
your dreams, make them
as real as anything
-Dave Matthews
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May 31st, 2006 10:12 PM |
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Brit531
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Somewhere where the fairies rein su |
Harry awoke the next morning at noon. He was suprised that no one had woken him up. When he got out of bed he noticed no smell of breakfast or lunch cooking on the stove. He walked downstairs into the kitchen and saw a note on the table.
Harry ,
We will be at Marge's house all day. Don't mess up the house or you will have to clean it.
Uncle Vernon
Harry was so happy after he read the note .He was going to have the best day he had ever had in this house. All day long Harry did whatever he wanted. Time went quickly by and when Harry looked at the clock it said 7:45, but he didn't care. So he went up stairs and with a flick of his wand he made everything go into his trunck.
When he went back downstairs with his stuff and wrote the Dursleys' a note to tell them where he was going and who he was staying with. He thought they wouldn't care anyway, but he still wrote it.
Outside in the backyard he heard two loud cracks at exactly eight o'clock. When he went to open the door he saw three people looking through the window at him so he opened the door and saw three people. One was his best friend Ron, the second was his best friends dad Mr. Weasley, and the third was his second best friend Hermione.
"All ready Harry?" asked Mr. Weasley with a smile on his face.
" Yeah..... I think so." Harry said not sure of himself.
"Well then we should get going." Mr. Weasley said.
They slowly walk out onto the warm summer air.
"Mr. Weasley, how are we going to get there?" Harry asked. Hoping it wasn't what he was thinking.
"Well Harry, we are going to apparate there." answered Mr Weasley.
"Uh... Mr. Wealey, I can't apparate. I do not have my liscence yet.
"Harry do not worry. Harmoine will be with you and Ron will go with me. Isn't that right Ron."
" Yes dad."
As Hermione reached for Harry's hand there was a cold chill in the air.
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Jun 1st, 2006 08:59 PM |
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Brit531
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Somewhere where the fairies rein su |
so is that better please tell me
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Jun 1st, 2006 09:00 PM |
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iluvhp1_7
Fourth Year
Gender: Female
Location: Gryffindor Girls Dormitory |
it was very good. You should still try to explain things a little more like how he was happy about leaving and such. Try not to repeat things like when Harry's friends came. You said he saw three people twice. Just try to make that you only have to say it once. Otherwise it relli very very good.
__________________
Take what you can from
your dreams, make them
as real as anything
-Dave Matthews
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Jun 1st, 2006 09:23 PM |
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Brit531
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Somewhere where the fairies rein su |
thanks and i didn't notice that until i posted it and i was never good at explaining but i will try
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Jun 2nd, 2006 02:00 AM |
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iluvhp1_7
Fourth Year
Gender: Female
Location: Gryffindor Girls Dormitory |
its ok!
__________________
Take what you can from
your dreams, make them
as real as anything
-Dave Matthews
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Jun 2nd, 2006 02:08 AM |
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paliwal_ruppal
A teenage witch
Gender: Female
Location: Griffindor common room,
Hogwarts |
Wonderful starting.
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Jun 2nd, 2006 06:52 AM |
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Brit531
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Somewhere where the fairies rein su |
thanks
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Jun 2nd, 2006 09:15 PM |
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Ginny Rules 94
G/H shipper all the way
 Gender: Female
Location: Lost somewhere (like always) |
great story
__________________
(\ /)
( . .)
C('')('')
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Jun 2nd, 2006 09:21 PM |
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Midnight109
Senior Member
 Gender: Female
Location: Dreaming |
I like the story so far! Like the others said, explain certain things more, like how Harry felt when there was a cold chill in the air. Like you could say, "A feeling of dread rose within him,'' or something like that!
I send mines to my Beta before posting it. Write more soon!
__________________
Previously Hermione202 and Midnight_Miss
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Jun 3rd, 2006 12:03 AM |
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Sirius_Rulez
Senior Member
 Gender: Female
Location: Australia |
good story, post again soon
__________________
I was here,
here I was,
was I here,
of course I was
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Jun 4th, 2006 02:28 AM |
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Emmy-xo
Emzilbooger
 Gender: Female
Location: Canada |
cool story so far. cant wait for more!
__________________
* check out my Harry/Hermione story: Being With You **
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Jun 4th, 2006 02:17 PM |
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Brit531
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Somewhere where the fairies rein su |
I'll post more soon i have to think first
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Jun 5th, 2006 08:42 PM |
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hplver4life
Member
Gender: Female
Location: i dono! do u know where i live? |
i liked it you should keep writing but in this cause keep typing lol
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Jun 7th, 2006 04:27 AM |
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Brit531
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Somewhere where the fairies rein su |
 Sorry it took so long.
A chill that made them all feel like they will never be happy again. Dementors were comming for them. By the feel of things there was only a few of them.
"Hurry they are coming!" Mr. Weasley shouted, but Harry had no intention of leavingat a time like this.
"Harry we must go now!" Mr. Weasley shouted again. Harry didn't want to go, but he had no choice. Hermoine then grabed his hand and they were gone.
Within seconds the feeling of being pushed through a tube and not being able to breath swept over him. He fely his feet touch the ground and when he opened his eyes he saw one of his favorite places in the world, the burrow. Moments later he was greeted by a plump lady with red hair like the rest of the family.
"How are you doing Harry dear?" Mrs. Weasley asked Harry with a grin on her face.
"I'm fine thank- you." Harry replies.
"Are you hungry dear? Can I get you anything?" Mr. Weasley asked.
"No thank- you. I'm fine." Harry ince again replied.
Harry walked into the kitchen and saw people he knew and people he didn't know. He looked at Ron for an answer.
"Harry don't tell me you forgot about Fleur and Bill's wedding?" Ron asked Harry with a smile on his face. Harry couldn't believe that he forgot about the wedding.
"Hiya Harry!" To familiar voices said. Harry turned around to see the Weasley twins, Fred and George.
"Hey Fred and George." Harry said.
"Now Harry dear go take your stuff upstairs to Ron's room and hurry because I want you to meet a few people." Mrs. Weasley said with a grin on her face.
Forgetting for a minute that he was allowed to do magic out of school he started to take his truck up by hand.
"What are you doing?" Ron asked in a sort of laugh. Harry then pulled out his wand, gave it a quick flick and the truck then started to hover in midair. After he was done taking his truck upstairs, he then waked back down to find Mrs. Weasley.
"Harry come over here please," Mrs. Weasley said " Harry this is Fleur's mother, Mrs. Delacour and her father Mr. Delacour."
"Very nice to meet you."
After meeting several people on Fleur's side Mrs. Weasley then proceeded to the Weasley side of the family. He met uncles, aunts, grandparents, cousins, and the rest of the Weasley's relatives. Finally after meeting everyone he was allowed to talk to people he actully knew.
"Hello Bill and Charlie." Harry said kind of tired.
"Hello Harry." They said in unison.
"I see you met ALL of the family." Bill said in a kind of snort.
" Don't worry I had to go through it too." Hermoine's voice came out of nowhere. "There is just so many people hear!"
"Where is everyone going to sleep?" Harry asked.
"Well we are not sure about that yet." Ron answered from behind Harry.
" Everyone has been driving me mental since they got here and it hasn't even been twenty- four hours!" Geaorge started to complain.
" Thank god the wedding is on Saturday or I might just have to go to a mental instition for peace and quiet." Ginny said coming out of nowhere.
Harry turned to see a beautiful red haired girl coming near the group of people, but Harry couldn't think of her as a girl anymore. She was a young woman. Harry wanted to go over to her and give her a kiss, but then he remembered what he had said to her at Dumbledore's funeral. He remembered he said that they couldn's be together because Voldmort might use her to get to him and he didn't want her to get hurt.
A few hours later when everyone stated to go to bed Harry found himself outside on the porch with Ginny near by. He didn't know how this came tobe, but it did.
"Listen Harry." Ginny began, but Harry interupted.
"Ginny, I know it is hard for you to deal with. It is hard for me too. I never wanted this to happen. I really do want to be with you.
"I want to be with you too, but you won't let it happen because you think Voldmort will use me to get to you. Ginny said with tears filling her eyes. He looked into her eyes and he couldn't hold the urge back anymore. Harry kissed her like he never her before.
When they broke apart Ginny asked, " Why are you doing this to me?"
"I don't know. I kind of lost control of myself. It is so hard to let you go." Harry said beginning to get frustrated.
"Then why can't we just be together if you don't want to let me go?" Ginny said beginning to shout.
"Because of what I said before about Voldmort" Harry said.
"What if I don't care. What if I just want to be with you?" Ginny said and she kissed Harry this time. Harry then knew he can't stop themselves from being apart. He gave in.
"But if we are going to be together you have to listen to me whenever there is trouble because I don't want you to get hurt." Harry said happily but also worried.
"Fine, but you have to come back to school as well." Ginny said happily as well.
"Fine, I will." Harry said with a sort of laugh. They then both went inside to bed. |
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Jun 19th, 2006 03:51 PM |
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