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Untitled presently. A book in the making.
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Sasuke Uchiha
NoyauDur Zombie Pupitreur

Gender: Male
Location: Dans Votre Pantalon

Untitled presently. A book in the making.

Cold.

Dark. Can't breathe. Rocks crushing my lungs... I don't know what to do... I hear the screams of my comrads echoing off of the walls. I can't see, black. Legs are paralyzed, sounds of water rushing into the cavern. We're screwed. "Everyone... Focus your Energy on the rocks! I'll use what I can to block the water!" I heard murmers, and could feel the rocks around me loosen, and I could move my arms. Pointing them ahead, I murmered a chant and a wall of three feet thick ice appeared across the width of the cavern. The water rushed against it, a barrage of pounding and cracks could be heard, but it would hold. My legs couldn't move, and I would have to be hoisted out of the Cavern and back into the Chapel. But I didn't care. I couldn't feel. I used my last bit of Energy on the Ice, and now everything went black.




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I guess I should start at the beginning... A good place as any to start. My name is Ty, but I can't tell you my last, for safety purposes. What you are about to find out my change your life for good... It sure as hell changed mine. Vampires are real. But we aren't the bloodsuckers you've seen in movies, we can't fly, we aren't scared of garlic, crosses or the like, and anything can kill us really, we're just tougher then humans... Oh and yes, I'm one of them. There are also Mages. They aren't the pointy hatted long bearded Wizards you've seen in Harry Potter or the like, we definately don't use wands, and sure as hell don't go to schools. To these Vampires and Mages, Im some sort of god. They say I am supposed to lead a revolt against the Humans. Hell if I am! I used to be one of them until these screw-ups turned me into one of them... Well, let's start my life story, shall we?

"Ty! Your gonna be late for school!"
"Yeah small fry, let's go!" Called my mom and Blake, my brother. "Yeah yeah..." I yawned and plopped up in the bed, only my boxers on. I stretched and stood up, throwing on a random hockey jersey and a pair of black baggy pants. I trudged down the stairs, my hair tucked under my prized Element hat, and slipped on my Globe skate shoes. I walked into the kitchen, grabbed my lunch all lazy like, and walked out of the house. "I swear... I dont know how that boy keeps up with everything he does..." My Mom muttered as I shut the door.

I laughed and walked over to the bus stop, waving to my brother and my friends. My brother was two years older then me, sixteen, and was taking driver's Ed today, so it was probably his last day on the bus. He was cool, like my best friend, and we hung out alot. My other two friends, Alex and Justin, were with me through thick and thin. I loved to hang out with all three of them, and I always did. My brother gave me a noogie when I got there, and I shoved him away, laughing. I rearranged my hat and clasped hands with the other two, "Whats up guys?" I asked watching the road for the bus. "Nothin' much man, I got Doom 3!" Alex laughed. "That game's old and overrated..." Justin joked, and looked back at me, "My mom grounded me... Again." "What for?" I asked. "I sorda snuck out to go sing to Ray outside her window..." Justin blushed. Me, Alex, and Blake glanced at each other, and then burst out laughing. A tear came to my eye before I placed a hand on Justin's shoulder, "That girl is a lost cause! You'll only get yourself humilulated... Just give up man!" Ray was the hottest girl in the county, if not the world. She had silk blonde hair and beautiful green eyes, behind a pair of glasses. "Yeah well... I think she digs me." Justin winked, and we all laughed again.

The bus arrived around fifteen minutes later, and we all climbed aboard. I sat in my usual spot, behind Ray and across from Justin and Alex. Justin was looking at Ray through a glare off the window the entire ride, and from what I heard, Ray was already telling people what Justin did. He was going to be the laughing stock of the whole school! I laughed and looked out the window as the school approached, and little did I know, this would be my last bus ride to...

Old Post Jul 16th, 2006 06:38 AM
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H. S. 6
Approaching the End

Gender: Male
Location: Ministry of Magic

Very good start. I'm interested.

One thing, though: Whenever a new person speaks, a new paragraph should be started. You didn't do that in the one paragraph (the longest one).

Other than that, there were no mistakes that I could see. I noticed the dialogue, for the most part, was very fluid--seems like it was just like how a teenager should talk. Good job. thumb up


I clicked on this thread by accident, but now I'm glad I did. stick out tongue


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Old Post Jul 16th, 2006 03:25 PM
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