Endless fire in this watery cage called body
this useless organ and its pointless wills
the face of beauty and despair surrounds me
galloping through my mind up and down these living hills
ready steady, running back for more
day in and day out its such a bore
what is there to run to, heartache or laughter?
confusion surrounds the one you're after
string me along like a dog with no home
waiting endlessly for the toss of a bone
test me, toss me, running back for more
the grip is tighter than ever before
laying patient for the world of sleep
focus on one thing and one thing alone
climbing the walls that are far too steep
i made this world for us to roam
thoughts inaccurate, another wasted piece
painted expressions are known the least
turn to the professional words of experience
flowing through your ears, too important to rinse
opportunity arose, right in front of you
too blind, too stubborn to notice any clues
fight for what you believe in, know what its for
ready steady, you'll see me coming for more.
She was the unexpected one
like eating ice cream in a trunk
with angel eyes that leave you stunned
such small time, such big fun
So break my knees, on this fountain of hope
upsidedown trees, climbing mountains and slopes
we'll watch boxcoons and birds till the end of time
ill give you a kiss, will you give me mine?
close your eyes now, i'll enter your dream
we're in our own world now, we can do anything
fly through the skies now, we're the king and queen
so open your eyes now, will you stay or leave?
I try, oh how I try,
to show those feelings I hide
How unhealthy it is i know
forgive me, I'm just so slow.
I try.
I hope you don't end what has just begun
I can only sit and stare as I watch you run
Grab me by the wrist and lead the way
to where we can last and not leaving me a stray
Goodbye my love, goodbye
painful emptiness inside
for this goodbye shall be the last
all thats left now is the past
goodbye.
Gender: Female Location: Some where in the Poison Ivy
I just read the whole thread again and your work has the same quality about it, that my early stuff did.
This shows alot of promise. The pace of your work the same as mine, fitting the words together to a steady, regular, metered flow.Makes it alot easier to read.
Perhaps try playing with word alternatives, you know like taking a common place word and subing it for a word meaning the same thing, but less often used. This creates a challenge to see if you can make it fit whilst increasing your language knowledge and vocabulary.
Also some thing else I have a bad habit of doing, that I though I would mention: watch out for streaching the lines outs for too long, especially if most of the poem is made up of short lines.
Be careful with the placement of commas and full stops.
If I could be bothered I'd post a few examples for you but I'm, at work and have to be careful not to get caught on here. hope this helps.
BTW: really like what I have read so far, cant wait for the next lot.
__________________ Full fathom five thy father lies;
Of his bones are coral made;
Those are pearls that were his eyes:
Nothing of him that doth fade
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange.
KMC Community Forums
Jun 12th, 2008 03:24 PM
hope this helps.
