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Sirius_Rulez
Senior Member
 Gender: Female
Location: Australia |
Harry Potter & his long lost Sister
Harry Potter & his long lost Sister
I'm doing a differant kind of the 7th harry potter fic for all u hp fans, I'm going to make harry have a sister, she's going to look just like Lilly exept she'll have her fathers eyes, her name will be Veneta Potter. some people say that Harry is going to die, I'm not sure if this is true or not so I'll just make him die any way & his sister. It will make him very happy to see Sirius & his parents. Its really sad how Sirius dies  I hope you's like it, some feedback would be very appreciated
Proluge
Before Voldermort killed Lilly & James Potter, Peter Pettigrew snuck into their house & took their only daughter, he was running for his life.
This death eater called Mavo Hoks took her away from him & ran with her somewhere where he'de raise her & teach her all the dark arts.
Voldermoirt told told Peter Pettigrew to get her for him if he ever saw her & get someone to raise her & teach her their ways, to become a death eater herself.
He hated babies, hated the way they cry & ball their eyes out, he tried so many ways to shut her up, so he just decided to give a bottle of milk & she fell asleep.
 Attachment: trunks1.gif
This has been downloaded 296 time(s).
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Mar 4th, 2006 02:14 AM |
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iluvhp1_7
Fourth Year
 Gender: Female
Location: Gryffindor Girls Dormitory |
Your forgetting words. Some phrases are needed too. you can check you can edit too. But it's very creative dont give up on this one k.
__________________
Take what you can from
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as real as anything
-Dave Matthews
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Mar 5th, 2006 02:05 AM |
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Sirius_Rulez
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Australia |
thanx, ill try my best, i dont really know how to do phrases, but ill try anyway
Some years later when she was 15 years of age.
"Block you stupid girl"
"Im tryin too"
"Well obviesly your not trying hard enough"
was his reply, uh, he's really starting to get on my nerves, she thought angrily. Mavo retreated back into the house leaving Veneta by herself, she just sat back thinking, I'll show you who's stupid she thought. So she practised some of her tecknques, she was really good at some of them, but she seemed to have some trouble perfecting the Avarda Kadarva curse and the Impuries curse, so she was just having a breather.
She was getting really fed up, she got up and took out her frustration and anger by kiching stuff around the place, she walked inside the house, got a drink of water and sat down "What do you think your doing sitting down and having some refreshments, I persficesly told you to practise the curses you have'nt learnt yet"he said fimly "Look, I'm tired and thirstey, I just need a break" she said frustratedly, he went over to her and dragged her to her feet pushed her outside ruffly by her shirt, but she struggled to get out of his gripp "ow, your hurting me, let go"
"Get outside, Now! or you'll regret it!" he slapped her real hard on the face, she had a big bruse, but he didn't care, she deserved it he thought, and she fell on tjhe floor near tears but reastraining them, he slapped her reall hard than and than she blkacked out.
__________________
I was here,
here I was,
was I here,
of course I was
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Mar 5th, 2006 06:41 AM |
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Sirius_Rulez
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Australia |
i hope that was better than the last one
wat do yous think?
if u's think it needs improvement then by all means tell me how i can improve my writing, i know iv probably got some spelling mistakes, its just that i didnt know how to spell some
__________________
I was here,
here I was,
was I here,
of course I was
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Mar 5th, 2006 06:45 AM |
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iluvhp1_7
Fourth Year
Gender: Female
Location: Gryffindor Girls Dormitory |
phrases are just sentences this one was good. but once again use spellcheck it helps tremendously.
__________________
Take what you can from
your dreams, make them
as real as anything
-Dave Matthews
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Mar 5th, 2006 09:29 PM |
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Sirius_Rulez
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Australia |
Just thought I'd let you's all know that this is my first attemp at writing a hp fic for all you hp fans out there, so plz bear with me, some ideas would be really good 2.
well heres the next part anyway.
She fell heavily to the floor in a heap, he kicked her hard on the side and stalked inside with a grin appearing on his face, he went and got his wand out and made some firewhisky appear and skulled it down, placed it on the table and just left it there.
Veneta came round several hours later and looked at her surroundings, realizing that she was where he left her. She rubbed her eye's and taking in the scenery, she tried standing up but found that her side hurt, so she rubbed it, took a stoll around the place, taking everything in, the nice scent of flowers filling the air. Mavo came and said she needed to learn how to close her mind "lekkimens" he saw her father holding her and her mother holding her brother, than he started seeing how she was really slack and kept failing. She didnt want him to see that so she finally stopped letting him see embarresing memories, he stopped and she fell to the floor, panting, out of breath "Who were those two adults and two babies?" she asked curiesly, still out of breath, but slowly getting it back "Never you mind, g-"
"Tell me now!"she yelled frustratedly, "Who are they! Tell me now!" she shrieked, he looked surprised that she had yelled at him in that manner, he got his composure back and used the Crucio curse on her "Ahhhhh" she screamed, cupping her hands on her head, shaking all over, whimpering when he finally stopped "That will teach you to disrespect me! stupid girl! now get up!" but she didnt, she just sat there looking scared and afraid. He used a spell that brought her to a standing position. They did it a couple more times and had a break, he walked back inside and slammed the door off its hinges "Repero" he said and the door went back to its rightful place.
She just sat there on the ground dumbstruck, than all of a sudden she started crying uncontrollably, rocking back and forth, trying to comfort herself, feeling so humilliated, she hated him so much, she swore that one day she would get her revenge on this bastered and pay him back for everything he did to her ten fold.
__________________
I was here,
here I was,
was I here,
of course I was
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Mar 5th, 2006 09:55 PM |
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Sirius_Rulez
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Australia |
I guess i forgot to spell check it, thanks for telling me and i forgot to do it again i cant believe i forgot again oh well next time
__________________
I was here,
here I was,
was I here,
of course I was
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Mar 5th, 2006 10:01 PM |
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silver_stars
Member
Gender:
Location: United States |
its nice, yes u still have to edit.
also a great tip is to describe more and put an "Enter" in between each paragraph like
"Ahhh!" Miss Muffet screamed
The spider hung over her, licking its lips. It wanted that crumpet and whey.
"Ahh!" Miss Muffet yelped again.
like that, i know you so needed that wonderful miss muffet. lol 
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Mar 5th, 2006 10:18 PM |
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iluvhp1_7
Fourth Year
Gender: Female
Location: Gryffindor Girls Dormitory |
i know its your fisrt time doing a fanfic when I started my story it was my first time too and I was like um why isn't anyone commenting thats why i read all the very new ones. But this last post was great. Your improoving a a very fast rate thats really good. Your story has great structure and everything. And dont forget spellcheck. You can edit it oo. Just read through it before you push submit and your good.
__________________
Take what you can from
your dreams, make them
as real as anything
-Dave Matthews
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Mar 6th, 2006 01:38 AM |
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Sirius_Rulez
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Australia |
hey thanks 
i was thinking of making Sirius have a son and Harry meeting up with him and them becoming really great friends, what do u think?
or not
__________________
I was here,
here I was,
was I here,
of course I was
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Mar 6th, 2006 04:13 AM |
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Sirius_Rulez
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Australia |
do other pages just appear or do u have to create ur own?
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I was here,
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was I here,
of course I was
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Mar 6th, 2006 04:14 AM |
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~*LoverGirl21*~
I luv my gorgeous face!
 Gender: Female
Location: United States |
its really good but there are some errors no u dont make your own just keep on posting the pages just appear when one page is full ok
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Mar 6th, 2006 05:36 AM |
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Sirius_Rulez
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Australia |
thanx
__________________
I was here,
here I was,
was I here,
of course I was
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Mar 6th, 2006 05:43 AM |
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~*LoverGirl21*~
I luv my gorgeous face!
Gender: Female
Location: United States |
ur welcome =)
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Mar 6th, 2006 05:45 AM |
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Sirius_Rulez
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Australia |
i just finished another part of the storey and lost it all man that just sucks  so ill just write it another time, cant be bothered right now im just too tired
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I was here,
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was I here,
of course I was
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Mar 6th, 2006 10:41 AM |
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silver_stars
Member
Gender:
Location: United States |
ya that sux, but plz i like a surprise, so if you have an idea write it! most readers like surprise
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Mar 6th, 2006 09:15 PM |
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iluvhp1_7
Fourth Year
Gender: Female
Location: Gryffindor Girls Dormitory |
yea i think thats a great idea Sirius lost son lol thats pretty cool.
__________________
Take what you can from
your dreams, make them
as real as anything
-Dave Matthews
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Mar 6th, 2006 09:51 PM |
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Sirius_Rulez
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Australia |
ye thanks
what kind of surprises, silver stars
it would b great if u could tell me
Chapter 1
In Privet Drive there slept a 16 year old boy who had been through allot in his young life, losing his godfather was one of the toughest hardships he'd been through.
He'd wanted so badly to get revenge on the one woman who'd done it and her name was Bellatrix Le strange and he hated Snape even more for betraying his parents and having to go on the run. Ever since he found out that he was part of the reason of their death he'd wanted nothing more than to find every possible way to hate him more and more that he wanted nothing more than to track him down and kill him.
And this boy's name was Harry Potter.
He dreamt that he was getting vengeance until he heard the sound of banging.
"Get up Potter, now!" said Aunt Petunia grumpily.
Petunia is Harry's Aunt.
She was short and bit plump around the middle, and she really disliked her nephew, she hated anything to do with her sisters side of the family, hated the man she had married, hating anything to do with her.
"Alright I'm up, geese" he replied very anoid that he had got woken up when he was about to kill Bellatrix and Snape.
He got out of the room and started following her down the stairs to make breakfast for every one. He was kind of like a slave to them, having to do the cooking and cleaning, having to clean up after himself and them.
When he got to his destination he stood face to face with Vernon.
"Hurry up and make breakfast boy and be quick about it, I don't want to have to wait all morning for you to do what you know you have to" he said with venom towards him.
Vernon was taller than his wife and was also Harry's Uncle, he hated him as much as Petunia did.
"Yes Uncle Vernon" he replied through clenched teeth.
Making his hands into fists at his side.
Dudley, Harry's Cousin loved it when his Uncle talked like that to Harry, it was one of the things he loved doing besides watching the TV, he turned his piggish face towards him and set his little beady eyes upon him, grinning mischievously, snickering in the background.
The Durslys heard something at the front door staring horror stricken.
The thing that was at the door was.....
__________________
I was here,
here I was,
was I here,
of course I was
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Mar 7th, 2006 07:03 AM |
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Sirius_Rulez
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Australia |
it was actually good that i lost all my work had 2 start again cause i made it even better than the last one i wrote but also really anoying
 :/
__________________
I was here,
here I was,
was I here,
of course I was
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Mar 7th, 2006 07:09 AM |
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iluvhp1_7
Fourth Year
Gender: Female
Location: Gryffindor Girls Dormitory |
Woah you lost all your work. But couldn't you check on here and then remember what you wrote? Anyway BRAVO *clap* *clap*
__________________
Take what you can from
your dreams, make them
as real as anything
-Dave Matthews
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Mar 8th, 2006 12:59 AM |
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