KMC Forums - Title: CURSED HOMES.... a short by moi!

a short i wrote a couple of years ago. a lot of a palahniuk influence....

Title: CURSED HOMES.
This dark November sky is casting its devilish charm to the millions below. Children of this earth or maybe even children from another… some out of this world. The dim sky tonight sets a focus upon a house; a house so tortured that after the dirty deeds of the night are done it will stand alone just as it has done the centuries before.
For decades, screams echoed the halls… blood painted the carpet…
Tonight there is no surviving.
The house is gritty and dirty. It’s just a lump of wood pieced together with fear and blood. The inside was torn limb to limb and vacant for the better part of a century; except for tonight. Susan and James walked into this cursed house not only ignorant to its nightmares, but in hope to find shelter and spend more time within the walls. More time than any stranger would recommend. The nights have been rough on the two, living off the streets, abandoned by their families.

Only a thunderstorm could make this night worse.

Susan has fallen asleep while James did a little rummaging through the gloomy shelter for useful garbage, anything that might make the night sane. But when living on the streets for as long as they have, James learned sanity can only be found in death.
Susan awakes from a cursed dream a bit uncertain and delirious. It could have been hours since she last saw her one true love...
Her remaining family...
Her surviving life.
She feels something has gone amiss, like a plague is now lingering in the air. Days of traveling on the side of a street have worn Susan thin. With the two hours sleep she kidnapped, Susan beginning to feel a pulse once more.

WHERE IS JIMMY! Her mind screams as panic take over.

Now alert and awake, or as much as her tired eyes will let her be, Susan begins stumbling around. She avoids making any noise or sound in case of an owner or intruder. Susan walks to the doorway; the door was once cracked but now is shut. As she approaches the door a chill whirls through the room. Susan softly grasps the knob, slowly turning it to unleash the future she will regrettably drown in.
Light glimmers through the crack. No noise except the creaking of the door. More and more light shines on Susan's face…BLOOD… fills the once abandoned hallway. Susan's eyes have become over whelmed with the sight. She screams... "James!" where is my baby? Has she lost everything she could ever trust? Now in a panic she steps out into her new reality, a future of uncertainty. She continues to approach the far end of the hall, the last shadowy corner that she has yet to venture.
In the once, seemed, harmless corner creeps a shadow. "Jim" she screams…
It was James; her love. Never in her life has see felt so relieved. She gazed into his eyes and said, "Jimmy, I love you… I love you so much. Let's go home baby."
where is home…
what happened at home…
James just stands there with the same dumb lifeless expression on his face. His back was to the shadows that seem more full of life than his pale corpse. "James!" Susan screams with all her vocals will allow. The shadow then twitches as if it now realizes Susan's cries. Slowly the shadows exhume its hidden figure to show a creature more ghoulish than the murkiest of light in this house. James's empty body falls to the ground revealing a ghastly bull like head; and a torso like the devil. "Help me", pleads Susan, not quite sure whether she directing her words to God or the vacant body. But by the tune of her broken words, she is praying for someone…anyone but this monster.
A glimmer shines from the carnivorous teeth before her. The house becomes dead silent...

CREEEEEEAK!

Susan's tears overflow her eyelashes like pouring rain. She finds herself doing nothing but stand in awe. Thunder claps with each step the monster makes.
As the beast inches closer Susan thinks and feels everything but to run...
At best she feels the emptiness of what life had to offer.

SHHHHRIEK

Just another dark curse in a cursed house.

FIN

any awful criticism is greatly appreciated!