The morning was going rather well, until I managed to wake up. I should have known that 8am was a bad time to fall into that pit of despair I call the waking mind, but instead crawled from my bed and got dressed, heading out into my car and driving off toward my classes for the day. No sooner had I made a sharp turn than my vehicle flipped three times, splitting my head open and causing me to bleed out until I was naught but a prune-like being. Just as I had lost all hope, I saw a cloven hoof and a wheelchair approach from teh distance and I knew... My soul was lost...
As I stared down your retarded, split-head. I decided to defecate in it with vile eruptions that would soon mend your cranium back together. I pointed with my disgusting, diseased finger at a nearby Burger King which would aid us in our search for free paper towels to clean your shit and a roll of toilet paper that we can flush down the toilet while we pass gas and let the small kidnapped child smell it.
But I digest, and sooner or later we're off on some b*tch or other....what? Who's that? Tell him I'm not home right now, I'm on the internet......oh f*ck, see what I typed??!
So naturally, I pulled mysefl together, quite literally, and broke out my axe of DOOOOM! Somehow, the kidnapped child ended up unconscious and was chained to a wall with barbed wire or whatnot and covered in acid, the bloody mess only looking worse due to the nature of the Burger King's lack of a lack of hygiene, the mess spreading increasingly as the manager screamed some nonsense about f*cktards and random grease stains I'd left on the bathroom walls when I decapitated the acne-covered register-boy.
Don't lie to the people, just say the truth, I ate his organs and tossed his fecal matter at passerbys. Who says Oscar Meyer is wrong for our children?!
Well, I thought to tone it down for the underagers in the crowd, though if you insist, then so be it known that you also managed throwing a cannibal midget at the creepy-ass guy in the Burger King costume, thus causing him to have his face eaten off and his scabs oozed into the ketchup bins! Crackers! Crackers! But no squeezy cheese!