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Smodden
Keyblade Chosen

Gender: Male
Location: The Darkness

Journal

May 11 shire callendar..

Why must we be forced to live in this World?....Why is this Burden mine...I often wonder how i came to live in this world...and not some other one, a more peacefull one. One without the wretched evil and cursed death i must face...everyday.

It wasn't always like this, was it?...it once was a nice world, where i could open the door on a chilly morning, walk out and feel the grass between my toes, let the dew soak my feet...and feel the breeze of the spring morn upon my cheeks...

At least i can still recall those days..thats something i suppose, that i havn't lost everything...yet.

I most always remember those wonderfull summerdays...so as not to go completely mad. Maybee i already am...mad i mean...would i be able to tell if i was?..what if i've been mad all this time and nobody told me...? What if nothing is as it seems the mountains are giants...the trees alive...the rocks and hills some big mouth to swallow me up into utter darkness...? WHat if i'm stuck in my own mind...and can't get out?...i've been mad for how long now?...I don't have a quest...i don't have a misson...i don't have clothes on my back...i'm losing everything...
NO.
I WILL become mad...if i keep thinking this way...pull yourself together, you are alive, you are sane, and well...for the time being.

Its getting dark...the rainclouds have dispersed...and have left puddles...i see my reflection in the water...gazing back at me hurling insults at me how i can't do it...how life has left me down...saying:" Why go on?"...and "you are worthless now"...

"You lost ur chance in this world...you should have worked harder....its all over now...give up...its no use...you have failed..."

but have i?...i must not think of that posibility now...i have to assume my friends are ok...
at least i still have friends...one of which is with me...without him i'd be lost...he pulls me together...

Hapiness is far from me/
the clouds of despair overshadow my house/
all that i have is gone, for i cannot see/

Nothing is left of the world i knew/
fallen into my inermost being...its so very hard to bare/
Of my former joy, its gone, it flew..../

Darkness covers my bed/
my bed of needles, closing my eyes i make it stop/
but the pain swells in my head.../

Flowin out of existance/
My world is hidden from me, instead i'm left with despair/
Death is persistant/

So my quest goes on/
And my friend comforts me, he does not understand/
and never will...my quest goes on/

Hapiness is far from me/
the clouds of despair overshadow my house/
all that i have is gone, for i cannot see/

But I have hope.


-Frodo Baggins.../(Smodden)



ok guys continue if you want these are the journals of Frodo Baggins...


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Old Post May 11th, 2004 11:32 PM
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shadowy_blue
Senior Member

Gender: Female
Location:

You did all those? Wow. smile

Beautiful, but...are you OK? sad


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Old Post May 12th, 2004 02:50 PM
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Smodden
Keyblade Chosen

Gender: Male
Location: The Darkness

embarrasmentninja


comon guys....you can submit journals of any character....


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Old Post May 12th, 2004 05:07 PM
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The Inkeeper
Senior Member

Gender: Male
Location: With You

diary of Boromir?

day 1 to end of my life: i am portrayed badly by the films


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Old Post May 12th, 2004 05:16 PM
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Elessea
Senior Member

Gender: Unspecified
Location: Neverland

lol @ Sauron


nice smod...if i had time then i would join you

you are ok right???? not depressed or anything...jut role playing?


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Old Post May 12th, 2004 09:52 PM
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Tassie
Senior Member

Gender: Female
Location:

That was sad sad

I don't mean sad in terms of the writing... you;re a good writer, as everyone said^^ are you alright??

Old Post May 12th, 2004 09:59 PM
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Smodden
Keyblade Chosen

Gender: Male
Location: The Darkness

I WAS depressed ...the other day...but i'm fine now...smile

realy guys i'm ok......didn't mean to scare yousad...
I was just thinkin bout my Grandma and dog...and got a little caught up in the moment...but i'm fine now..
thanx guys...i'll do a more HAPPY one later...pippens diary?...lol


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Old Post May 12th, 2004 11:37 PM
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shadowy_blue
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Gender: Female
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Smodden...smile

Through the Eyes of an Orc

I remember because I was there! It was just like any other day in Mordor; the dense, heavy air, the black sky... everything was the same. It wouldn't turn out that way. I fought that fool Gorbag to his death! It took a long time until I realized that he had been right all along. We were in trouble, but it didn't appear to be that way. I don't despair over his death though! I despair over no one's death!

I was sure that we were going to win this fight! That evil would prevail! That we would rule Middle-earth! Yes, so I was wrong? How can this be? Everything was going in OUR favor! WE had the upper hand! WE had the greater power!

What did we do wrong? Was it everything?

I remember when I went to the Lieutenant of Lugburz' and gave him our terms. I never gave much thought on him. He was evil. So were we, but he was up there. He was a Man, but Sauron's servant, his slave. The Mouth of Sauron they call him. When I delivered the terms to him, I admit... I was curious, and a little frightened. I saw evil in his eyes... darkness. But for him to be crueler than any Orc is understandable; he did know much of the mind of Sauron.

I was too careless. I don't think I could have prevented what happened even if I was as cautious as Gorbag. I hated them! I hated Gorbag! I hated my Master! I hated everything! Now it seems like there is naught inside of me. Not the slightest trace of anything. Nothing. Nothing at all. Not hate, nor fear, nor happiness, nor confusion. Nothing.

But I remember. I remember going out onto the battle field before the Black Gate and fighting. I remember feeling like I knew we were going to win for sure. How I wanted to feel the taste of blood! How I wanted to show our enemies how wrong they were!

Well I had my few hours of pleasure. I did... until the earthquake came. We all stopped fighting at the same time. It took me a little while to realize what was happening. It hit me right then and there, when I heard the Nazgul... saw them shrink away into the darkness. When I saw them die, that was when I realized. We lost.

I didn't know what to think a first, everything happened so fast! All at the same time, I saw felloe Orcs running everywhere, mindless, shrieking. Some were casting themselves into pits of fire, some were slaying themselves, and others were running and hiding into dark places never to be seen. I didn't know what to do. I looked at the humans. They were attempting a last chance for battle despite our obvious loss.

So I just stood back and watched. There was nothing to do. We were done for either way.

I also remember that one fleeting moment when I almost wondered.... whether it would have been better, if... we had all made a different choice. Not that we could, but our Master was gone! We had our own minds. We had no ones will to be attached to but ourselves. We honestly didn't know what to do with ourselves though. But there was nothing we could do. We lost.

We lost.

I actually dared to wonder if our foes had been right all along. They achieved victory, not us. But they achieved it not by using brute strength. How did they win? What did they do that we could not?

Now I don't search for answers any more. There are hardly any Orcs left in Middle-earth, which is just as well for everyone else. Some of the humans remain in darkness, hating the good. Balrogs exist no more. Dragons have long been gone. Trolls are scarce. Evil is nearly no more. So our purpose has ended.

The only thing that frightens me is when I look back... and I remember that feeling, that feeling I had of regret. Orcs do not regret! But I did. Why? Because we lost? Or was it because my will was free? I don't know.

But I remember thinking that maybe it was not so smart to do the things we did. I had a second mind. It all happened in a portion of a second, those feelings of regret. Oh! It was as if I saw the world, myself, for the first time! All our efforts were for nothing. We lost.

We didn't achieve anything by doing the things we did. But I enjoyed doing it! I enjoyed killing and ransacking and spilling blood, anything evil I enjoyed doing! Was I hypnotized? I don't think I had a choice either way.

Our Master wanted evil to reign in Middle-earth, and if that meant capturing Elves, mutilating them and creating his own army, that suited him just fine! If that was how he had to achieve it, he would do it that way! He cared not what those bloody Elves might have wanted! He did as he wished.

He paid.

We all paid. Was our evil to reign no matter what? Or could we have prevented it? I need to not think so much. There is not much to think about anyway. We lost, so what does it matter? It doesn't.

I've come close to killing myself... too many times. I repent each time. But why? I don't know. I thought about it one day, while dwelling in darkness. My thoughts ventured further. I thought maybe it was the almost invisible portion of Elvish in me. THAT is what I was supposed to be! An Elf! It disgusts me! But at other times, I wonder about it. My ancestors were Elves. I am their offspring. How can I turn out like this?

I've never thought this far since our Master vanished from Middle-earth. I don't know if I will continue, but I will consider it.

I will definitely consider it.


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Old Post May 13th, 2004 01:59 AM
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Smodden
Keyblade Chosen

Gender: Male
Location: The Darkness

omg...thats amazing....s-b you are genius...big grin

it makes you think...you know about the evil side..what they go thru..

how they realy feel, what their desires are and everything...
'they were once elves...and now they despise their fathers...want nothing to do with them...and the very blessedness of the elves has been reversed....not so much reversed as been opposed..they want nothing to do with their former way of life...they can't grasp it.

ur very talented...i love youlove


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Old Post May 13th, 2004 02:53 AM
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