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A poem on how I really feel about life
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[email protected]
Confront the darkness

Gender: Unspecified
Location:

A poem on how I really feel about life

I got a bratty brother, he bugs me everyday,
This morning my step-mother gave my last slice of dignity away.
My Dad he acts like, like he's the boss of you, it's so true.

I wish I had a car,
I wish I were 18
I wish I had a dollar for ever adult who treats me mean.

I'm the saddest teen, who's struggling for a dream.

No one understands me, no one really cares.
No one gives a damn for all of those young, teenage tears.

I feel like I'm lost,
I feel like I'm alone,
I feel like negativity is my only clone.

I'm the saddest teen, who's lost all of her dreams...

Old Post Jan 12th, 2005 02:52 AM
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Syren
dreaming

Gender: Female
Location: every which way but loose

That's really good, it's got a jagged, raw style to it. But, I got the feeling it's not quite finished, like there could be much continuation.... it's great just as it is but it's one of those flexible poems that could be changed, lengthened, decreased, whatever happy Also, I loved your rhyme scheme, it's difficult to keep a steady rhythm when writing so randomly but you did a good job. Nice message significance too.


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ThorinWoofer

Old Post Jan 12th, 2005 09:11 AM
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[email protected]
Confront the darkness

Gender: Unspecified
Location:

Thank you! that's so nice of you!

I'll carry on with that poem but first, here's a different poem.

I have 12 poems about my mothers death and one about a snowman smile

Here it is!

I made a man with eyes of coal and a smile so bewitchin', how was I suppose to know that my Mum was dead in the kitchen?
La lalalalalalala!
My mothers ashes! even her eye lashes! are resting in a little yellow jar, and sometimes when it's breezy! it gets a little sneezy!

Last edited by [email protected] on Jan 12th, 2005 at 10:11 AM

Old Post Jan 12th, 2005 10:01 AM
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Syren
dreaming

Gender: Female
Location: every which way but loose

blink Golly....


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ThorinWoofer

Old Post Jan 12th, 2005 11:57 AM
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[email protected]
Confront the darkness

Gender: Unspecified
Location:

You like it? smile

Old Post Jan 13th, 2005 12:54 AM
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Spidervlad
Renegade of Funk

Gender: Male
Location: United States

.... Well it really shows off how you are sad about your mother's death... laughing out loud


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Old Post Jan 13th, 2005 01:01 AM
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spidergrl
Living

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Made by the wonderful Barker .. Thanks Darling

Old Post Jan 13th, 2005 01:22 AM
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[email protected]
Confront the darkness

Gender: Unspecified
Location:

quote:
Originally posted by Red X
.... Well it really shows off how you are sad about your mother's death... laughing out loud


It's not suppose to be funny

Thank you spidegrl.

Old Post Jan 13th, 2005 01:50 AM
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spidergrl
Living

Gender: Female
Location:

quote:
Originally posted by Red X
.... Well it really shows off how you are sad about your mother's death... laughing out loud


Why the hell are you laughing?? roll eyes (sarcastic)


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Old Post Jan 13th, 2005 03:48 AM
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[email protected]
Confront the darkness

Gender: Unspecified
Location:

Here's the extended edition you wanted Syren, hope you like it!

I got a bratty brother, he bugs me everyday,
This morning my step-mother gave my last slice of dignity away.
My Dad he acts like, like he's the boss of you, it's so true.

I wish I had a car,
I wish I were 18
I wish I had a dollar for ever adult who treats me mean.

I'm the saddest teen, who's struggling for a dream.

No one understands me, no one really cares.
No one gives a damn for all of those young, teenage tears.

I feel like I'm lost,
I feel like I'm alone,
I feel like negativity is my only clone.

I'm the saddest teen, the saddest kid who's lost all of her dreams...

Do I have a gift?
I know that I am cursed,
I feel like things just can't get any worse...

I'm the saddest kid, the saddest kid that loves to daydream...

I fall into my own world,
a world of happiness and fame,
a world with a different family and one that's not the same.

I wish that I was happy.
I wish they'd leave me alone.

Am I not suppose to have what I want, what I need?
Am I suppose to let myself cry, moan and bleed?

I want a different family, I want a different life.
Soon my next attempt will be reaching for the butcher kife...

I'm the saddest kid, the saddest kid who's trying to follow her dreams...

Old Post Jan 15th, 2005 02:01 AM
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spidergrl
Living

Gender: Female
Location:

very nice!!


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Old Post Jan 16th, 2005 01:06 AM
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Spidervlad
Renegade of Funk

Gender: Male
Location: United States

quote:
Originally posted by [email protected]
It's not suppose to be funny

Thank you spidegrl.


It sais

Lalalalalla

So...


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Old Post Jan 16th, 2005 01:13 AM
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spidergrl
Living

Gender: Female
Location:

quote:
Originally posted by Red X
It sais

Lalalalalla

So...


But you laughed at this:

quote:
Originally posted by Red X
.... Well it really shows off how you are sad about your mother's death... laughing out loud


That aint funny !!!


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Made by the wonderful Barker .. Thanks Darling

Old Post Jan 16th, 2005 01:17 AM
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[email protected]
Confront the darkness

Gender: Unspecified
Location:

People don't argue in my Poem thread! take it to a PM! Go! mad

Old Post Jan 16th, 2005 06:21 AM
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[email protected]
Confront the darkness

Gender: Unspecified
Location:

Spidergrl I have to say I disagree with the saying "True friends are really true loves." in your sig.

Old Post Jan 16th, 2005 06:25 AM
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spidergrl
Living

Gender: Female
Location:

Thats nice


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Made by the wonderful Barker .. Thanks Darling

Old Post Jan 16th, 2005 08:07 AM
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Phoenix Aska
<Insert title here>

Gender: Unspecified
Location: Dreaming

your poem is kind of sad...then again lots of poems are...they're about personal life and related issues...

I like your poem...lots of people can probablto it in different or similar ways...


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Old Post Jan 16th, 2005 09:16 AM
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[email protected]
Confront the darkness

Gender: Unspecified
Location:

I tried to send out a comforting message to everyone that feels that way: You are not alone.

Old Post Jan 16th, 2005 11:22 PM
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Syren
dreaming

Gender: Female
Location: every which way but loose

I really don't think Red X was intending to take the piss or laugh at your loss, I'm thinking they were laughing more at the context in which you wrote the poem. If I'm honest, the reason I said 'Golly' was because I simply didn't know what else to say. And that extended edition is fab hun


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ThorinWoofer

Old Post Jan 17th, 2005 07:56 PM
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Confront the darkness

Gender: Unspecified
Location:

Thank you!

I'll try coming up with some more poems soon.

Old Post Jan 18th, 2005 07:40 AM
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