Gender: Male Location: Holding on tight, never lettin go!
You, what the hell do you need
You, what you want me to bleed
You, and all of you s#$t!
You, you make me so sick
now I, I pull my facade aside
now I, I open up and cry
now I, I'll let you see inside
now I, You'll never understand
the reasons why I die
You, peelin back my skin
You, searchin for some sin
You, want what's hidin within
You, I know what you intend
now I, I run from your pain
now I, return to death again
now I, back into the chain
now I, finish with the gasp
I sleep within the stain.
........
Few words between and fewer left
The battle raged on and on unchecked
The fighting finally came to a head
And the field was painted in the littered dead
You finished me with just a word a thought
Pushed me over with the lies you brought
Where once was family now were foes
I guess thats just how the story goes
So one two three get all six inside
Lets see what I really hide
Ready and spin lets play this game
Time to end my unending shame
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Sent from heaven to raise some hell.
Gender: Male Location: Holding on tight, never lettin go!
All ya roll with/all ya see
what i want and what i be
nothin escapes from the reality
all you know is what i let ya see
when ya comment/when ya speak
what i hear is a bleatin sheep
never stood on your own to see
all you know is what i let ya see.
when ya get down/when yer free
what ya finally f#$@in see
a man who's dark and not too clean
is this the truth or what i let you see?
__________________
Sent from heaven to raise some hell.
Gender: Male Location: Holding on tight, never lettin go!
Laughing at my cowardice as I flee to my cave,
You spite the hun inside me and curse for a knave,
Racing with eyes blazing and a tongue thirsting for my soul,
Jaws dripping acid, snap, attempt to devour me whole,
Led into the darkness now I hurl my battle-cry,
The warscream that chills your heart and makes blood run dry,
Up with the axe and off with your hideous head,
What once you chased and tried to erase now has you instead.
__________________
Sent from heaven to raise some hell.
You're in a poetry forum, so please if you're going to try and jip me off; at least have some respect for the English language, don't turn to the aid of an illustrated yellow face.
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"All morons hate it when you call them a moron." - Holden Caulfield
Odd, because when I browse your profile, I see disrespect to the English Language. If you're going to attempt a half decent retort, you should learn not to be hypocritical and respect yourself. It seems all posts do not need an emoticon to look ridiculous, huh? Besides, you performed a Strawman fallacy anyhow. You completely dodged her post. Try again, m'boy!
I don't think you understand the concept of British slang and abbreviation. I respect the English language, all forms of it, I do not need to use a little yellow face to get my point across.
O.K I'll reply to her post.
Why? This is a forum to discuss poetry, I believe the poetry in this particular thread to be worthy of criticism. Are you honestly trying to say that if I don't like something, I shouldn't be able to voice that opinion?
I refuse to be oppressed into being nice, simply because if I am, people won't have to read that someone doesn't actually want to kiss their arse; due to some rather infantile poetry.
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"All morons hate it when you call them a moron." - Holden Caulfield
I think I do, but it doesn't excuse your hypocrisy. From what I understand, she didn't just use a smiley face to get her point across or else you wouldn't be responding to her post like you're about to, as shown here:
I do agree with you. You are entitled to criticize but the problem I'm having here is that you didn't really criticize anything. You just laughed at his post and told him to quit while he was "A head", which is yet again another insult. You were being rude and I didn't see any form of criticism anywhere, except for that one post which was in between criticism and an insult.
There you go again; You're overdoing it. You're just going the extra mile to bash this persons poetry. Constructive criticism is always good to have but what you're saying is just ridiculous, nor have you elaborated OR provided a reason for why his poetry deserves such degradation.
I actually do agree with what you're saying, and to be honest this is the kind of response I've been wanting in this forum for ages.
I would have much preferred a post like yours, which is both to the point and coherent; than just a few words and a yellow face.
I suppose my constructive criticism would be: that it needs work on the stanza structure, rhyme and rhythm. Also that poetry doesn't always have to have the same rhythm structure throughout. If you look at Byron's work, for example he had a constantly shifting rhythm, and even structure in many of his poems. Yet, the theme was intricate and with every read more word play and connotation can be discovered.
I'm not saying I expect the quality of Byron here, I do however expect writers to have utter respect for their work, I do not appreciate poetry being written for the sake of being able to say ''I write poetry''.
My suggestion to the thread starter, is that they perhaps explore the great poets of the past and present to further open up their own talents as a poet.
One must have an appreciation of the art itself, not just ones own work, in my opinion.
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"All morons hate it when you call them a moron." - Holden Caulfield
You must understand; A simple emoticon doesn't degrade the quality of a post. If I were to post valid proof that I was omnipotent and ended it with an emoticon, do you think that would, in any way, deteriorate the quality of my post? You should not get all bent out of shape over a simple emoticon. I don't blame Coldfire. You were quite rude and that's why she was blunt with you. It's that simple.
Also, I don't see how her post was "Disrespectful to the english language", so to say.
See? That's much more organized, intelligent and respectful than simply saying "Lol" and calling his poetry "Infantile". Why couldn't you have posted such a critical essay earlier?
Gender: Male Location: Holding on tight, never lettin go!
ach du leibe! Im gone for 2 months fixing my house and what do I find??!! People still fighting. Crit, thanks for the wake up to chilly boy. Hey ams, how goes it. finally and Truly back online. Got me a library card here in AL. Glad to be back!
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Sent from heaven to raise some hell.
KMC Community Forums
Jul 5th, 2007 12:48 AM
I'm not always exactly fond of my siblings either. 
