Gender: Male Location: Holding on tight, never lettin go!
Lara.
You hurt and cry, the demon chews your heart to bits,
Your soul feels broken, and cast to the pits,
Eyeliner and mascara trail with those tears
And you face again your darkest fears,
Remember, love, you are a special one,
When this pain hits you with a stun,
Think of us, those who care deeply for you.
My words may be old, but tried and true.
If I had the power I'd protect you day and night,
From any evil near, or hidden out of sight.
Cry if you must, ma chere, cry hard,
Don't fear the light revealing the scars,
Just please keep yourself here and safe too.
Remember... If nothing else, a knight cares for you.
__________________
Sent from heaven to raise some hell.
Gender: Female Location: Some where in the Poison Ivy
thank you guys
and now for that early stuff I promised. baring in mind this stuff is really early I was still at school when I wrote this stuff so was between the ages of 11 and 15.
A simple question with an unknown answer
Bleeding and wounded without a plaster
An aching heart without resolve
Unexplained riddles are not so easily solved
Pain speaking but not English
A currency that’s not gold
Too many thoughts and tales remain untold
Too many wishes that are far too bold
You know that I know things have changed
You know that I know that you are chained
You know that I don’t know how you feel
You know that I don’t know what light to see you in
You know that I’m uncomfortable in my own skin
Uneasy glances and lost words
Missed chances, tongue tied and hurt
Tearful eyes, depressive anger
A nervous itch and insecure laughter
Curiosity getting the better of me
A voice inside telling me what I should see
My conscience making a mockery
Why cant you see what you’ve done to me?
Gender: Female Location: Some where in the Poison Ivy
this is a song I wrote. bad one at that.
This pain I cannot bare
Finding what’s already there is all that’s left to you
Is a gory nightmare
The only difference is that you know you cant wake up
I live I die sleep and cry
This pain I cannot bare
I drink and smoke I long to toke something other than fresh air
This pain I cannot bare
Everything that’s left to me, is nothing much to really see
In a bubble, I live
Its like a sieve when all that’s passing through it is fluid
I live I die, sleep and cry
This pain I cannot bare
To cut my skin is a sin, but it’s the only thing that makes me not care
This pain I cannot bare
To realise this is just a dream, If only I could scream and scream
I want to wake but there’s no way out
All I have is nerves and doubt
Finding whats already there is all that’s left to you
A gory nightmare
The only difference is that you know you cant wake up
Everything I’ve ever done is never good enough
The things I’ve seen have made me scream myself hoarse
But its still not enough
Relieve me from my torment, wake me yp
I cant take anymore, I’ve seen enough
I live I die, sleep and cry
This pain I cannot bare
I drink and smoke, I long to toke something other than fresh air
I live I die, sleep and cry
This pain I cannot bare
To cut my skin is a sin
But it’s the only thing that makes me not care
This pain I cannot bare
This pain I cannot bare.
Gender: Female Location: Some where in the Poison Ivy
Some times I don’t know what to say to people
I just want to walk away
Some times I look at people and think
It’s your fault I’m this way
I’m looking for my better day
I’m looking for that better way
I’m looking for some thing to catch my attention
I’m looking for some one to snatch me away
Its not always possible to please every body
Its not always possible to have faith in god
I’m looking for my peace of mind
I’m always looking but don’t think I’ll find
There’s some thing else I know there is
I know it’s not mine so it must be his
Adverse and provoked reactions
Consequences follow after actions
Make of this what you will
I cant explain how I feel.
(02/12/03)
Gender: Female Location: Some where in the Poison Ivy
theres something picking holes in my mind
I cant find what it is, although I’m not blind
This vacancy takes hold from time to time
When people ask if I’m ok, I cant help but say, “I’m fine, really”
I forget what I’m doing and where I should be
I try to ignore it but it returns with vengeance
Even though I ware a protective pendant
I want to be happy I want to be ok
But it doesn’t matter what people do or say
It cant remove the things that have made me this way
The barriers are intact but completely demolished
The plush exterior you see isn’t so finely polished
The cassums are there, some wider than others
The more I learn about myself the less I like
I look in the mirror and see a frightful sight
There’s nothing here but a vacant, empty capsule.
Gender: Female Location: Some where in the Poison Ivy
Locked in a prison of my own creation
Lost in a maze of incoherence
Desolate, there nothing left in me that is capable of caring
Paranoid of being caught in a trap, coming out worse for wear
Explosives waiting for the trigger
The tears that have been cried over the last few years could fill the Pacific Ocean
Intolerance for disobedience
Disorder ranker in the mind
Rotten and disintegrating to the very core
There’s nothing left to beat warmth anymore
Disregard for everything
Regret for nothing
Pain and suffering for every one
Guilt beyond comprehension
Treason underlying disillusion
Rivers run dry
Earth cracks through deprivation
Sky splits asunder
Its too late I’ve already gone under
It’s too late to right what is wrong
My planets too long dead for redemption and resuscitation
This is my 1 person nation.
(10/12/03)
Gender: Female Location: Some where in the Poison Ivy
Omen
A black dove is an omen just like a blue rose
For ones mind and eyes cannot compose
From natures cruelty you will not survive
The natural disaster that lives in my mind
My imagination is far too cruel
For you to create and compose a rule
You will not hide, you will not survive
That natural disaster that lives in my mind.
Gender: Female Location: Some where in the Poison Ivy
Dark heart
A woman’s heart is a cold dark thing
It’s hard to see what she holds within
She holds secrets too dark
For the eyes of a man to withstand
A woman can be too cruel to bare
With a heart full of grief and despair
Gender: Female Location: Some where in the Poison Ivy
Pills!
What would happen if I took all those pills?
ALL of those God damned pills!
Would they heal the pain?
Would they stitch up and hide the wound
Which has been revealed?
What would happen if I took al those pills?
ALL those damn pills!
Would people think any less of me?
Probably.
Would people think I’m a coward?
Probably.
Would people think I’m stupid?
Probably.
Would people understand why?
Never.
What would happen if I took all those pills?
ALL those God damned pills!
Would they drain this life of misery form me?
Would they take me to a better place?
Anywhere is better than here!
It has to be, what else can I believe when I feel like this?
What would happen if I took all those pills?
ALL THOSE DAMN PILLS?
(07/08/04)
Gender: Female Location: Some where in the Poison Ivy
I found another 35 or 36 poems from the same time period that I want to put up for you but you'll have to make do with these few untill I can be bothered to sit in front of the 'puter and type them up. probably do a few at a time. enjoy. to the christians here I mean no offence in the poem "pills!" thats was just how I felt at the time I wrote it. so please take my apologies if I have offended any one.
Gender: Female Location: Some where in the Poison Ivy
finally typed up some more. took me an hour to type this lot! enjoy.
Numb of mind
Lost at heart
Isolated alone
Stabbing in the dark
Unable to think
Inability to function
Is this better than the depression?
The answer to this question I implore
Before, I screamed for resolve
But now I scream for nothing
Because I feel nothing
Lost in this puzzle
Numbness takes over when I need to cry
Which is frustrating just like when I wished id die
Waking up every day hoping I’ll feel better than I did before
But going to bed every night hoping
That come morning I’ll be no more
Running on auto pilot now
Some one created by a chemical
But after 8 years of pain and on one week of drugs
Can I be so sceptical?
Given the effects are they right fore me?
Or will it be trial after trial?
Just so I can feel happy again.
But again that reoccurring question calls
Who am I?
And am I me at all?
Only time will tell who I am and am I well.
(14/07/04)
Gender: Female Location: Some where in the Poison Ivy
Agony be gone
Beneath the surface
Lies a black lake
The surface, smooth like obsidon
Underneath a whirlpool of snakes
The biting pain that’s only there when you disturb them,
Overwhelming, draining it saps the very life out of you
The eternal pain of the soul
Never slain, ever present
You can’t remove it
There’s no form of relief
The only way to resolve it
To exist no longer, forever rest in peace
The torment, relentless
If there’s a God, I beg you
Undo this pain you put me through
Free me from this vacant incoherence!
I beg of you, the ones I live among,
Find compassion; let this death wish be spun
Let me find my peace
I mean harm to none.
(23/02/04)
Gender: Female Location: Some where in the Poison Ivy
Too much time have I spent
Sitting on the floor with my knees bent
Seeing only through eyes distraught by pain and tears
Underlying the surface, a fast flowing river of fears
Slumped on the floor, a decrepit mess
Sobbing, begging for release, begging for rest
Praying for consolidation, someone who will understand and resolve me
Needing some one who will love me, accompany me,
Release my tortured and withering heart
To remover the pain, the stress, the fear
To have a companion, who with me,
Could share compassion with experience
Each on our own part
Some one special
Then without warning before me stands,
A generous proposition, a gentleman, a friend
With a serious meaning I cant comprehend
Then, I’m left alone to think,
Once again, down to the floor I sink.
Gender: Female Location: Some where in the Poison Ivy
Trying to amend what has past
My sore and battered heart
Trying to expel the fear and pain
So that I can revive myself and live again
Faded and dull but always there
I keep moving forwards sometimes too fast
And then it catches me up with me when I stop
Like an unexpected flood the past pain washes over me
Exasperated and reclused, I need peace
The only way to achieve this I can see
Is to find a way out,
Free the pain to free me
Trapped at the heart of a growing emotional storm
The otter destruction reflects what’s within
The fear, the pain, the anger, the hunger!
Every thing I hate everything I don’t want to be
An all-consuming hate for myself and what I have grown into
Fitting a shell, pre-made by others
And the final result is
Something they knew I would be
Living this down could take the rest of my life
An eternal battle of pain and strife
All this because it has to be done
To tame the raw emotions running rife
Many previous battles have been lost but the war will be won!
Gender: Female Location: Some where in the Poison Ivy
Lines on a page, filled with invisible ink
To read you have to know what you are looking for
Not stare at it and blink
Once you know yourself
The words will show what’s in your heart
The good, the bad and the ugly parts
All the pain, the hurt, the suffering, damage to the soul
But turn the page and it’s a new story
Of the love, the joy, the contentment, completion,
The growth of the soul
To continually be knocked down by life is tough
But get up and carry on
Brining with you a smile
Pretending nothing is wrong is a great task in itself
But a greater achievement to say you survived
Through the lowest of the lows
To experience the highest of the highs.
So look a bit deeper
Search with you heart and not with your eyes.
KMC Community Forums
Aug 4th, 2005 05:47 PM
We all care for ya 
enjoy. to the christians here I mean no offence in the poem "pills!" thats was just how I felt at the time I wrote it. so please take my apologies if I have offended any one.
