OK one last poem before I split. Here is some work that I just needed to wrote to spit out words and just...........write!! It's not the best but it was a fun exercise at least which reminds me, I still have to work on a poem for Ou Be low's thread on the Jabberwocky. Its been two weeks and I still haven't finished that exercise yet. Anyway if anyone wants a good mental exercise go check it out and then try it out.
Untitled
Superfluous words pepper my scripture
As I portray a surrealist picture
With eye bolts crossing the skies
And Thunderlids flapping at the breeze
I wonder if I can maintain this with
A semblance of ease
But more words to discover
As perchance extraneous I uncover
One more before the night is through
Benign and obtuse follow behind too.
Suffice it to say my English is
Modicum in a pedestrian way.
well it has been quite awhile since I have returned to this site. I see that Obie lou is back from his banishment with his surreal wit and ego in tow. Plus I also see that there was another contest. Damn, I missed the deadline by over a month. Anyway I am still glad to see that the entries keep on streaming along. I guess I will post a new one here but I am not asking for a crtique because I am just warming up to returning and I will not have the creativeness flowing as easily in this frigid depressing weather we are having in Jersey. So on I go.
I am begining to learn again
I will fail once more
I am starting over
My failure is my success
As long as I do my best
I can see again
I have tunnel vision
I don't see your face.
My focus refined like laser
I will soon forget her.
I see no more from my past
I walk forward from the then
I will not step on broken glass
Those mirrors hold no reflection
I continue straight for my own protection
I make no sense
I can not convey
I may not inspire you
May not today.
But read this once more
try again
the problem is no longer
on my end.
thanks for you enthusiasm Coldfire. I am glad to see you are still here as well, always giving encouragement.
Here is another one. Not about me but more about what is going on in the world today.
Man cuts off his nose to spite his face.
It would be a proper headline for this time and place.
Too crowded and spoiled are we
We act like Zacharia caught looking from the tree.
A child cries, its not mine,
Good for I haven't the time.
To worry or fret
I haven't gotten my dues yet.
How can I
Why would I
I want my ten minutes
before I die.
I buy the gimmicks and gadgets
I dress and make sure everything matches.
I am stylish and cute
with with wit making points that are moot.
Look at me, look at me.
I can jump through hoops too.
Don't I mean anything to you?
Perhaps not, for too late I see
Shit, damn I created a mini me.
Don't quite know where I was going with that one but thats what came out. I am aggravated with my own behavior and selfishness at times. I am more angered by other's as well. I often wonder if I feed the commercialism that spits out opium while a war on drugs kills so many innocents. So much pain painted over by fashion magazines a hollywood. So many layers of insencerity that we can't see the boils festering below. we can't see that society is complacent, leaving an imbalance that can not substain itself for too long. Something is going to give.
Hibernation late in its end has left me searching for my early morning friend.
well I am back after some time. I was quite stumped as to what to write for some time. It is so cool to leave for awhile and come back. Its like finding notebooks from highschool that you would jot down quick little poems in and find years later. Well I am going to look around for inspiration and fill in some of the things on my mind. Whats new? everyone. I know this is a forum for poetry so Perhaps a few topics to throw out for fodder. The continueing war in Iraq . The danger of losing Net Neutrality check out info at www.savetheinternet.com . How many stories do we need to hear about celebrities and their lives. Why do we care enough to make it a viable for businesses in media consumption?
Back again. I haven't been here for awhile. Although I do still come to read others from time to time. We have many prolific poets in this corner of the web. Like Prince, Coldfire, YA krunk. Its good to see that we are also acquiring new poets as well. I'm hoping that someone is going to do another contest soon. I really enjoy reading the entries and noticing the different style.
Yesterday It snowed and snowed and snowed. A real winter for a change. I am glad to see this.
Snow covered earth
leaves muted air
drift off to sleep
without a care
Argh ah. I don't know what to write right now. Just wanted to type something I guess. Hope everyone is doing well. I'll be checking back sooner than I did last time.
Thanks Cammi. Here is another one. Not quite fully realized but I liked the concept and think it just needs a little tweaking. Let me know what you think.
Open possibilities lead the way out of
Confined limitations.
Misled ideas find themselves lost behind
innuendos and freudian slips.
Lost in such a populace place they lose
their power and never grow correctly
Although the mindscape crumbles
its spectacle laid beauty before my eyes
There is purity that I sift out of the remains
Stuck in the past like crazy glue
Love is what you weren't looking for
Lust is what you wanted.
its good but at the same time i think your pulling out your dictionary or thesaurus a little much. whatever word you draw in you want to develop it and for it to be crucial, not just high diction or intellectually sounding vocab. i like how your poem sounds, but you also have to give heed to your overall image and flow. what is your overall image here? how do you move from airport runway to splinters and fireflies, and the ocean.
i like your poem. i would work on the connection between airports and oceans
Thank you for your suggestions Kava Kava. I didn't need to use any reference material to write this though. All words were there at the moment. Like I said I was just trying to fall asleep and these lines ran through my mind.
I wasn't really speaking of air travel even though I did use the word Jet lag, perhaps I should take that out. It was more about thought, mindscape with a layover in memories that hold the power of the oceans and whose imagery burns as bright as sun. It is upon this scene I wait to see my reflection because I reflect upon this scene. I couldn't put all of that into the lines because I was thinking the lines as they came.
The splinters and fireflies was an offshoot of a sliver of a memory to relate what I was talking about. Perhaps I need to be more clearer or add more lines.
I hope this adds to the rereading of the poem. Let me know what you think. And thanks again.
__________________ And so it goes.
Last edited by calvinNhobbes on May 7th, 2010 at 12:33 AM
Just to voice my thought, not saying anything to harm anyone. But i think that poems are from how you feel , I mean there really shouldnt be a plot really to it. It should be able to flow into differnt areas. It should be able to exspand into differnt areas, the writer should remind them selfs that there is no set goal into writing poetry but just to go with it. It should reach out and touch the reader and them selfs at the same time, to share there storie not only with them selfs but with others. Get the reader to feel and think how you are. I've been writing poetry for years, I just finally am spell and grammer checking it all. But calvinNhobbes i really enjoy your poetry, I know what your trying to get us to see. (:.
Hi Cammii. Thank you for your thoughts. I know exactly what you are saying. Editing poetry seems to be counter intuitive to its inherent purpose. On the other hand if and edit conveys a stronger response or clearer understanding perhaps it is not such a bad process. I know that some poems I write are initially emotional and tied closely to the moment but upon rereading they may be missing something or lacking a key element that can make it touch more people than just myself. It is a good question to bring up on a separate thread. To edit or not to edit, that is the question.
I only speak for myself because I know that I have often needed a little help and others may not. I also realize, from experience, that an unexamined life is not worth living ( I know Socrates said it) but an over examined life can be hard to live. I try to balance that. I edit, sometimes and other times, depending on the story behind the poem I leave it as is. I would say that a larger percentage of my poems are rough and unedited than are not.
Anyway, this one will stay the way it is. I like it as is and the post I gave explaining myself should clear it up and add to the poem. I hope. Until next time. Peace
Your welcome, Pretty much that is the main queston of it all " To edit, Or not to edit". But my point still stands where poetry should just be open, it really has no need to tie togather. I mean it can be random but it should at least touch the readers.
i write alot of poetry that people can't understand but that's because i write it for me. If you want your poetry to touch other people you have to develop the images and lines. for example its okay to talk about splinters and fireflies, i love that line, but if you want me to enjoy it, just develop it more. if not, then its a poem that only touches you, which is great.
KMC Community Forums
Jun 26th, 2005 02:24 AM
I wondered where you went!! 
How ya been???
