I wrote this yesterday (anyone have a title suggestion?) :
In moments of sudden torrental values
coming in, flooding every synapse of a being,
a change occurs one moment to the next,
the light switch immediatly and unexpectedly turning "on."
Can you fathom it? Can you taste the feeling in your being?
If only a shared experience created an equal reaction
in those involved and not a varying degree of the views of lifes matters. What I see you see, but what I understand to be true you cannot extract from my being and my vision.
You have your own values propelling what you understand as truth. My truths must be written, on anything from a napkin to a ripped off sheet of paper, its the only way the words that *I* know
as truth can come out in the open from the trap doors I
keep in my heart.
These truths and frustrations that I share, from beginning to end,
you will never understand. I however did my part and wrote it out. If nothing else, if these concepts are too hard for you to grasp and understand, remember this:
Truth can come of change......and change can come from truth.
BOOM! I have nothing new at the moment....but I thought I might as well post something....so maybe later....I think I have some stuff in some random notebooks...
IM BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! at least on this forum....since Im on KMC like every day
Well here goes nothing its something I wrote on a cruise a while back while just watching the waves hit the shore line. I dont know what to call it though. Elemental Power? Maelstrom? anyone?
Crashing waves caressing like a rough lover the sandy floor
Rising up, reaching like an unseen, unfathomable hand of fate,
Trying to grasp the attention of life above and beyond its true capabilities,
Only to fall like torrential rain after it has been pushed by gravity
and the unchangeable laws of physics
that even this shared illusion called reality can not unravel.
Sunset falls as it too goes down,
the absence of light showing off glowing darkness.
At this point in time, moving ever forward in a slipstream,
elemental forces show true power,
even the human mind which believes it holds power in its feeble hold
realizes that it is but a speck in a world beyond words,
beyond complex equations on a philosophical whiteboard,
moving on to nothing but simplistic beauty and raw unrivaled power.
Thus the water, wind, sky and heavens collide.
This is true power,
the fluid yet rough push of the ocean,
the caressing and raging touch of the
wind, the far reaching neck breaking beauty of the sky,
with the heavens above mocking it all,
untouched in space,
above and beyond us all.
A little personal, something that I wrote when I was down one day:
Who am I?
Who am I? Truly and with all honesty who am I?
Am I the arrogant, dominating, leading charismatic charmer that some seem to characterize me with? Or the flirty, seducing individual with nothing better to do than come up with one liner's and pick up lines?
Or the person I think I am, the lowest of the low, holding no true strength or value to any virtue in my souls capacity, always having to come last as others enjoy glory, while I am not worth the trouble of holding on too, that others are worth the time, my personality too dry to run the rivers of others hearts.
Who am I but a weak fool full of made up wisdom that life does not allow me to showcase because, the simple fact that I over-analyze everything and cannot enjoy anything, holds me back.So really who am I? A person with questions, few answers, and as always forever alone…
I’m tired of life
and its hypocrisies
of presidents
dropping bombs in the middle east
girls getting raped on the streets
and gang wars that go from west to east
of terrorists attacks
hijacked planes
and bombs on trains
when the only motivation for it is to create pain
I’m tired of guns being acceptable
pornography respectable
the notion that vodka will make you happy
that crack and weed are worth the money
of women who sell their bodies on street corners
for $100 an hour
and get STD's like
Herpes and HIV,
of the first amendment always being violated
of censorship being put on everything
that talk of God, creation and prayer are outlawed
at the halls of schools,
thrown into the same category as Castro, Hitler, and Saddam Hussein
I’m tired of the racism thrown towards all cultures, just because we are not all the same
Of the vulgarity of today’s media, of our culture attaching itself to violence
Of the way human hands are known more for destruction than creation…
I’m just tired.
Tired of the way my life turns out
Of the rain, pain, and no hopes of gain
Of the way it never adds up
Or how I always fall down
I’m tired of friends who are never there
Of people who come and go,
And those who never get out
I remember seeing the sunlight coming through my window every morning
Seeing thunderstorms forming in the distance
Waves crashing at the shore,
Seeing shapes forming in the clouds,
And three hundred sixty five sunsets
I remember eating snow,
Drinking rain,
Laying on the grass,
Running like the wind,
And wishing to be in the sky
I remember friends coming into my life,
While others left off stage right,
Phone calls lasting into the night,
Talk of love, gossip of who did what,
Threats of pain,
And reconciliation in the end
I remember prank calls,
Drunken friends,
Jokes on pals,
Not working when I should,
Taking breaks from breaks,
The age of Myspace,
And distractions in the form of anything
I remember betrayals by “friends”
Those who truly stood by my side,
Emotions like love, pain, hopes of gain,
Desperation, joy, rage, and content satisfaction,
All rolled into this year
I remember walking down parkways,
Kissing in the rain,
Friends finding love,
Breakups,
Marriages,
And baby news
I remember falling down in life,
Learning how to get back up,
Changing as a person,
Maturing another year,
Leaving the household,
Going into the real world
I remember family,
Deaths touch,
Births in hospitals,
And love of relatives
I remember the value of memories,
The importance of forgiveness,
The comfort of a touch,
And the significance of a shoulder to lean on
I remember,
I remember life
And three hundred sixty five sunsets
This is supposed to be more like a song, with a repeating chorus, but it is my first attempt at a song, so hope it is not too bad.
Praying on a Wishing Star
You were supposed to be here for me tonight, but you weren't around
So I waited for awhile,
Lying on the ground
Giving into memories of us,
Forcing myself to think of what if’s, could have’s, should have’s, and if
given the chance would have’s
Looked up and saw a wonder
Saw a wishing star up in the sky
And remembered us yet again
How you used to pray on those stars
(And so)
This time I prayed for you,
Praying on that wishing star just like you taught me too.
That people would see joy on your face
That you could laugh in the rain
That this prayer would make everything all right
Finally, I prayed, that you would, again, be mine
You’re late, and I’m starting to worry
But as I saw that streak of light
It made me want to sing
Of the feelings I thought we shared,
I took my time in finding the words to say
But I think this prayer made me realize I need you
(And so)
This time I prayed for you,
Praying on that wishing star just like you taught me too.
That people would see joy on your face
That you could laugh in the rain
That this prayer would make everything all right
Finally, I prayed, that you would, again, be mine
It’s obvious you’re not going to show up, and I know, I know
I'm not supposed to love you
I'm not supposed to care
I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there
I'm not supposed to wonder where you are
And what you do
But I can't help it if I still care about you...
So I prayed,
Not knowing what else to do as I saw this star light up the sky
This time I prayed for you,
Praying on that wishing star just like you taught me too.
That people would see joy on your face
That you could laugh in the rain
That this prayer would make everything all right
Finally, I prayed, that you would, again, be mine
Another song type, just to get the practice in and my emotions out.
Safe in my Arms
You once told me that you felt safe in my arms
that you felt protected and cared for
that nothing could hurt you
I make you this promise tonight, I will always guard you.
Safe in my arms you will always be
The thunder can crash
And the lightning can strike
you will be safe in my arms
I will carry the world on my shoulders if I have to
but you will be safe in my arms
You once told me that you felt safe in my arms
But my arms are no longer the ones that hold you
If you ever come back, I promise you safety
Because safe in my arms you will always be
The thunder can crash
And the lightning can strike
you will be safe in my arms
I will carry the world on my shoulders if I have to
but you will be safe in my arms
You might wonder if my arms want to hold you,
But I keep my promises,
I will keep you safe,
In my arms
Because it still feels right to have you there…
The thunder can crash
And the lightning can strike
you will be safe in my arms
I will carry the world on my shoulders if I have to
but you will be safe in my arms
Had a bad month a while back, wrote this out. It's good to get things out sometimes, you can reflect on how you were thinking back then, and realize sometimes it was not that big of a deal (hindsight is 20/20)
Self Made Pariah
You should call me Mr. Protective because I try to guard my heart from pain,
from the wear and tear the world seems to put on it.
No one gets in too close, I keep them all away for reasons that you need not know.
There have, however, been a number who I let in past the walls around my heart,
the walls I secretly wish I didn’t need,
who I trusted beyond what I logically thought I should,
past what history told me I could,
past, in fact, what no individual has ever proven they were worth.
So call me a Failure, because I never learn,
I never stop making the mistake of thinking that all individuals are different,
that surely this one won’t hurt me like the rest.
I keep on stumbling over the pain that those I trusted most bring me.
It takes forever for me to trust them,
and yet immediately when I do,
that is when they reveal the truth,
the self of them that brings me pain.
Or call me Captain Backfire, because for all my intentions of good,
for all my trying to let others close,
to let them see me for who I am and to experience thoughts outside my head,
to feel happiness for just a fleeting second,
when I let my courage build up around me and propel me to trust,
it always ends up backfiring on me.
Every time I’ve reached for happiness,
there has always been someone close who brings me back to reality:
happiness is for others, not so much for me.
All I ever wanted, it comes with a price,
a sting that reminds me of the past and what I learned long ago:
Forever alone is not just a myth or tale of teen angst but a life I live
I’ve lost track of who I am, the loner, the one who does not get hurt.
Detached I cannot be pierced,
I cannot be betrayed,
I cannot hurt from the pain a friend brings.
Everyone is a stranger, but that’s the burden of going my own way, that’s the price I have to pay.
So maybe you should call me the Self Made Pariah…
at least I won’t hurt myself.
KMC Community Forums
Dec 8th, 2005 10:00 AM
for writing stuff.
