i was just trying to help you dont have to be mean about it. I never said i didn't like it I was just trying to give you some tips. I was just saying that it was just a little confusing. You dont have to be mean about it! This is a forum and your supposed to comment. people come here and read your stories and tell you what you could do to make your story better. If you dont like that kind of critizisim then why are you here. It's just for fun.All I'm saying is that you could make more sense with your story. Dont just hop from one thing to the next. String it all together ask why? to yourself about what happened why did it happen and what caused it and then write it so it'll fit in with the story. You have to use my advice I'm just telling you what you could do to make it better. I enjoy your story very much.
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Take what you can from
your dreams, make them
as real as anything
-Dave Matthews
Last edited by iluvhp1_7 on Feb 13th, 2006 at 09:59 PM
Chapter 7 part two:
Harry had never stopped liking Ginny as more then a friend, it was just too much to protect her from his destiny where as Li was part of it. As for Li she got used to glares and hate notes that were frequently sent to her by Harry's fan club.
A few days before the winter break as everyone was preparing to go home for winter break. Li approached harry while he sat alone near the fire.
“Harry I was wondering if you wanted come with me for winter break. My family is egar to spend time with you.”
“Err...sure why not.” He answered
“Excellent.” She said smiling wide. “You might want to pack. We leave tomorrow.”
Harry stood up and kissed her.
“Okay.” He said leaving toward his dorm.
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MANSON concert on the 17th of feb was Amazing! BEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN!
Harry entered his dorm and looked around at the five, four poster beds, covered in clothes and books. He pulled his trunk up onto his bed and started to pill clothes into it.He didn't really pay attention to what he was packing as long as it looked warm.He placed his invisibility cloak onto and closed the lid, and pulling it back down to the floor.
Harry walked down the stairs into the common room and glanced around for Li but she was gone. He looked at the clock in the room and noticed it was dinner, so he decided to go look for her there.
He strolled silently down the vase hallways completely empty of people. He entered the great hall and spotted Li with her sister Ashley. He walked over and suck up behind Li and hugged her.
“Hiya Harry, take a seat.” She replied to the hug.
Harry forced Dean Thomas to slide down so he could sit next to Li.
“ Hi Harry.” Ashely added blushing slightly.
“So what you two up to now?” Harry asked
“We're organising our winter break. “ Ashely said, and Li nodded along.
“We plan it?”Harry asked kind of dreading it now.
“Yah since my family is so big we have to plan it out so we spend time with each person.” Li said smiling.
“ You'll get to meet Albus's Daughter, our grandmother.” Ashley said, smiling the same way as Li.
“joy...”
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MANSON concert on the 17th of feb was Amazing! BEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN!
Chapter seven part 4:
Harry sat uncomfortably trying to eat as Ashley and Li blurted out more things to do. He had learnt that Li's family was not just big but in fact Huge. She had 6 brothers and sisters, her grandmother lived with her, and her twelve cousins came to visit a lot.
After the girls had finished, harry and Li left to the gryffindor common room and sat down in their usual spots on the couch.
“Are you excited for tomorrow?” Li asked.
“Yah defiantly.” He replied, kind of lying.
“Good!” She looked at the fire then up at the clock. “well I'm off to bed, we have to out of here by 7 am.” She kissed Harry's cheek and went off to bed.
“7 am? God what have i gotten myself into?”
He sighed miserably and stood up and went to bed.
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MANSON concert on the 17th of feb was Amazing! BEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN!
Soory for not posting I've been away on a shcool trip and totally forgot..sorry i'll have a post by tomorrow...just to let you know i go away again in april for a week so i might not post as much.
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MANSON concert on the 17th of feb was Amazing! BEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN!
(okay note to fans:
I'm currently still writing my next post. It's taking alot more time then i thought die to school events and my computer being a b*tch! so thanks for waiting i'll have it done soon)
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MANSON concert on the 17th of feb was Amazing! BEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN!
Chapter seven part 1:
The sun rose slowly above the horizon and harry slept comfortably in his nice warm bed covered from head to toe in blankets. He sighed calmly in his sleep and rolled over to his side. He slightly opened his eyes and looked into the face of a young beautiful girl. He closed them again and smiled, then quickly realising he was only wearing boxers opened them again and looked frightened at Li.
“You can't come in here.!” He said loudly rolling back onto his back.
“I can if I want to.” She replied laughing.
“ Well can you leave now?” He asked anxiously.
“After i know your up.” She said trying to pull back the covers.
Harry quickly grabbed hold tight of the blanket which was slipping from his hand, he fought her strength with was extremely strong compared to harry and in a losing battle the blanket finally slipped from his hand revealing harry laying in bed in a shiny pair of red boxers.
“ Nice knickers Harry.” Li said leaving the room laughing.
Harry felt back onto the bed, cheeks bright red and his body freezing cold.
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MANSON concert on the 17th of feb was Amazing! BEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN!
KMC Community Forums
Feb 13th, 2006 02:42 AM
