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A Star Wars Fan Fic - No Title yet so Help me , give one...
Started by: JaehSkywalker
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Jaeh
Possibly here.
Registered: Sep 2005
Location: May or may not be somewhere else.
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A Star Wars Fan Fic - No Title yet so Help me , give one...
TELL me if its alright or bad. If it is good, I'll continue it. Thanks for your insights. And also, please give me some advice or whatever. I'm not good at making up names of plants, so give me one too. ANd thanks if you read this.
Ellie fingered her blaster. Its been 3 months sice she first joined the rebellion. Heck, they haven't even give me an assignment. But what would I expect? Ive only been 3 months with them. But, I'm basically all around from being a medic to a front liner in battles. I'm pre- A knock disrupted Ellie's Thoughts. It opened, Ellie pointed her blaster towards it.
"Put her down Ellie, its only me." Lieuttenant Joel said. SOrry to interrupt your quiet time my friend, but i got orders from the high. we're to go to Gallimoore and fetch the new, smuggled x-wing parts for our squadron."
Wow! my boring day just turned around."But sir, isn';t Gallimoore have that tree that releases poisonous pollen? Heck, we'll be going there?"
Joel nodded. "We know that. That's why we are making the pick-ups there, cause there is very little chance that the Empire would try to find it there. besides, we have you."
"ME?' What is this joke?
"You come in as a medic. And also, you'll be helping us get the smuggled parts. We're only few going there you know, and everyone has to work. So, i'll get busy... "So, When'll we leave?Also, who would provide the serum and whatever else?"
"That I'll arranged. We'll be going tomorrow." Joel tapped her shoulder lightly and left.
__________________
HIS force be with you.
Last edited by Jaeh on Jan 22nd, 2006 at 01:15 AM
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Jan 22nd, 2006 01:13 AM |
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xEsaulx
Bringer of Life
Registered: Jul 2005
Location: The Land of Quar
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Okay, honest truth. i thought it was a pretty decent beginning. Could have been stronger, but it was a good begining. some advice, more detail could be used. and a different beginning could be helpful.
if you have a plot made already, could you send me it? I could try to help you make up a title name for you.
it's looking good so far, and i hope their's going to be more soon.
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Jan 22nd, 2006 06:34 AM |
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Jaeh
Possibly here.
Registered: Sep 2005
Location: May or may not be somewhere else.
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thanks very much, um, i'll send you one as soon as i write it down.
__________________
HIS force be with you.
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Jan 22nd, 2006 08:30 AM |
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xEsaulx
Bringer of Life
Registered: Jul 2005
Location: The Land of Quar
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okay, i'll be looking foward to it. 
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Jan 22nd, 2006 03:24 PM |
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Dusty
Senior Member
Registered: Nov 2004
Location: The United States. I <3 U
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It was a trifle tough to read.
I believe it switched form first person to 3rd person Narrative, without letting us know.
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Jan 22nd, 2006 04:18 PM |
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xEsaulx
Bringer of Life
Registered: Jul 2005
Location: The Land of Quar
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the italics was the main character thinking to herself.
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Jan 22nd, 2006 05:58 PM |
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Jaeh
Possibly here.
Registered: Sep 2005
Location: May or may not be somewhere else.
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yep, she's right...
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Jan 23rd, 2006 09:36 AM |
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xEsaulx
Bringer of Life
Registered: Jul 2005
Location: The Land of Quar
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*coughs* he
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Jan 24th, 2006 01:21 AM |
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Jaeh
Possibly here.
Registered: Sep 2005
Location: May or may not be somewhere else.
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oh......................................... I'm so 100% sorry..................
Im lame at guessing genders............
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HIS force be with you.
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Jan 25th, 2006 07:28 AM |
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Jaeh
Possibly here.
Registered: Sep 2005
Location: May or may not be somewhere else.
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Anyway:
Ellie almost vomited. Good thing she bought trinolux for it. She hates flying, even though she's very good at it. heck, i hate this.
"We're touching down in a few moments. every one get ready." a voice over the speakers announced. Ellie sighed now that's better. oh no, did he say touch down? that's so nauseating! Sithspawn!
Ellie closed her eyes and did her best to keep it down.
After touch down....
"Glad that was done!!!"
Joel looked at her. "Sorry Ellie, i forgot you hate flying. did you bring trinolux?"
"Yeah, thank goodness i did."
Joel laughed. "oh, and by the way, i haven't introduced you to the crew... this is Marriette." Joel pointed to a female beside him. Next, he walked toward a bothan. "He's Aldrek." next, joel walked to a male sitting under a tree. "He's Lance."
"Hi, my name's Ellie." Ellie waved then placed her hand down. heck, i sound like a preschooler.
Marriette and Aldrek waved back. Lance acted like he didn't even see her. Heck, he's like, cold-blooded! Ellie thought. Would i like him? Naaaaaaaaaaaah. i dont think so...
"So guys, lets move. May the force be with us."
__________________
HIS force be with you.
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Jan 25th, 2006 11:40 AM |
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Jaeh
Possibly here.
Registered: Sep 2005
Location: May or may not be somewhere else.
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^this is very "long"  
sorry, but i'm pretty busy so tidbit by tidbit. Lordzeb, waitin for your corrections!!!
__________________
HIS force be with you.
Last edited by Jaeh on Jan 25th, 2006 at 11:50 AM
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Jan 25th, 2006 11:47 AM |
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xEsaulx
Bringer of Life
Registered: Jul 2005
Location: The Land of Quar
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don't be sorry jaeh. no hard feelings at all, everyone makes that mistake...that's why i changed from my old name.
hehehe...only found one mistake. thank goodness. it does mistakes, but doesn't really fit.
btw, if it'll be easier for you, you can pm me what you have typed, i can read what you have, correct the mistakes beforehand, and you can post it.
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Jan 25th, 2006 08:41 PM |
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Jaeh
Possibly here.
Registered: Sep 2005
Location: May or may not be somewhere else.
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nice comment. i'll do that. promise..
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Jan 26th, 2006 04:38 AM |
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xEsaulx
Bringer of Life
Registered: Jul 2005
Location: The Land of Quar
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__________________
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Jan 27th, 2006 02:11 AM |
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Jaeh
Possibly here.
Registered: Sep 2005
Location: May or may not be somewhere else.
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Ellie watched over Lance's shoulder as he connected a wire to another, putting a clamp over both pieces, and then connecting them to a power charge, and he turned on a series of connected data pads, scopes, and spare droid parts. the circuitry blew up. Lance threw the thing in bitter frustration.
"You see, you're doing it all wrong." Ellie said as she picked up the device and handing it back to Lance kindly. Lance took it reluctantly and fiddled with it again.
"You're making a scoping device aren't you? Here, get that red wire and connect this to a jack and lead it to the I/O port here. Then adjust - "
"Okay, okay, will you shut up? I'm the one working here..."
Lance got up from the ground and went to his pack under a nearby tree. He rummaged through it with irritation before turning to Ellie. "Don't touch anything!" he snapped at ellie.
Ellie pouted and glanced at him. "You just couldn't admit I'm right..."
She looked at the unfinished device and pulled it to herself. She tinkered with it, until it was finished. Pressing a button, the device jumped to life. Quickly she turned it off, as lance walked towards her, carrying a tool kit. It was strange how she had fixed it so quickly, and how Lance couldn't fix it so easily. It was quite amazing indeed, seeing how she never really fixed something before, though it wasn't that complex. Lance made it seem so though.
When Lance came over to where she was, he looked at the device, and seeing it fixed, he stared at Ellie with a foul look. She looked back at him, and rolled her eyes. Lance gave his attention back to the device and turned it on. It worked, just like it had worked for Ellie, and the scopes were clear.
He cleared his throat, trying to find the words for what he wanted to say. He didn't want to admit defeat, nor did he want to be cruel to her. He then spoke slowly, choosing what he wanted to say carefully. "So, what did you do?"
Ellie smirked a little when he asked her what she had done to fix the mechanism. It gave her great pride that she had proven Lance wrong. "Just, what i told you to..."
"Don't get too cocky." Lance said. "It isn't that impressive, and nor do I find it too good to show off skills that a woman shouldn't know."
Ellie sighed irritably. Marriette sat beside her and whispered lowly, "Don't pay any attention to him. he's really like that."
Ellie was about to say something when bursts of plasma shot through. Fear was going through Ellie, since she didn't know what was going on, nor did she know where it was coming from, or who was shooting the plasma. She looked at Marriette with a worried expression.
"Ambush!" Aldrek shouted, running towards a big rock for cover.
Ellie and Marriette knew what to do even before Aldrek said ambush. They both were already on the ground, protecting themselves. Ellie hesitantly looked up over at Lance, who wasn't paying attention to what was going on. Swearing under her breath, she hissed at Lance to take cover, before he was killed.
Thanks to Lordzeb for the editing!
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Feb 3rd, 2006 07:12 AM |
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Jaeh
Possibly here.
Registered: Sep 2005
Location: May or may not be somewhere else.
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gotta suggestion. why'd don't you edit them all for me lordzeb when they're done? then i'll repost them here. thanks for the first edited edition by the way...
__________________
HIS force be with you.
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Feb 3rd, 2006 08:29 AM |
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Jaeh
Possibly here.
Registered: Sep 2005
Location: May or may not be somewhere else.
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Lance finally came to his senses and ran for cover. He hid behind a tree and pulled out his blaster. Firing a couple of random shots, Lance leaned down and pulled Ellie up as she crawled towards his tree for cover.
Ellie got up slowly, looking around, making sure no more shots were coming her way, before she whispered.. "Who are they?" She then suddenly noticed a flash of white from afar. "Empire? but i thought..."
"We said the Empire had very little chance to look for us here, but that didn't mean that they couldn't find us here." Lance muttered, doing his shoot and hide pattern. surprisingly, the random shots were hitting someone or something.
Ellie took out her blaster out and fired also, killing a couple of Stormtroopers. Remarkably, the shots were accurate even though they weren't as precise as she would have liked them to be. Ellie felt a quick sense of danger and pushed Lance down. It was a tinglingn sensation flowing through her, telling her that something was going to happen. She looked to the right and saw a Trooper, who made his way towards them, re-loading his plaster with a stun bolt.
She shot him by the throat. armor was no use no use to him.... she thought, laughing quietly to herself as she continued shooting. She risked a glance to the left and saw the stun bolt fired earlier.
Lance took a fierce look at Ellie. "why'd you push me?" he asked roughly, not liking the fact that Ellie was taking charge of the situation.
"A Trooper made his way here, and tried to knock us out." Ellie indicated to the Trooper she just shot.
Lance turned around angrily. He hated it when someone seemed better than he, someone who worked hard to get this far, where people like Ellie barely did anything, and everything was handed down to her, or so it seemed to him. All of a sudden all the shooting stopped, as if nothing happened at all, as if they were doing what they were doing before the Stormtroopers had started to fire at them. Ellie risked another glance, and saw about twenty-five storm troopers heading their way. Five were already dead, including one, whom she had shot.
A voice through her comlink had stated that he'll distract them. Ellie looked around and saw Joel run, followed by five or six troopers. She thought angrily to herself, out of fear, and frustration. What the hell is he doing?!?!
Thanks to lordzeb again!!
__________________
HIS force be with you.
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Feb 8th, 2006 11:14 AM |
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xEsaulx
Bringer of Life
Registered: Jul 2005
Location: The Land of Quar
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i love it!!!
WHOO HOO
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
e
okay i'm done
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Feb 8th, 2006 11:17 AM |
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xEsaulx
Bringer of Life
Registered: Jul 2005
Location: The Land of Quar
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i wouldn't mind helping you twilight
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Feb 12th, 2006 06:49 PM |
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