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Through the Barrier
Started by: Corran

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Corran
Lucifer

Gender: Male
Location: Look out of your Window

Through the Barrier

You are beautiful, brilliant, intelligent and bright;
You drift through this life giving joy and delight.
Your smile is bewitching, your manner Alluring,
Your presence enthralling, your being enchanting.

Everyone loves you, you seem so in control,
Your life planned ahead, you achieve all your goals,
They see you this way all your family and friends,
In troubles and darkness on you they depend.


You’re selfless and giving, to all those you know,
When someone needs help it’s to you they will go.
A tower of strength, a shoulder to cry on,
a caring heart filled with love and affection


But when I look deeper into your dark eyes,
I see that the laughter and joy is a guise.
The front that you have is just a protective wall,
With you hiding behind all frightened and small.

It saddens me to think the brightest Star I ever knew,
Is so cold, sad and lonely and feeling blue.
The pain and darkness feel quite surreal,
Although the hurt and tears you feel are real.


I’m here for you, the strength to provide
To bring you though, no need to hide
behind the walls that pen you in alone.
Reach out to me - we two are one.


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Old Post Feb 7th, 2006 10:09 AM
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Corran
Lucifer

Gender: Male
Location: Look out of your Window

Is anyone going to comment on what is wrong or right with this?


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Old Post Feb 13th, 2006 11:47 PM
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Syren
dreaming

Gender: Female
Location: every which way but loose

I think I may have seen this piece before... I can't recall my exact reaction but I still think it's wonderful.

I really like the consistent rhythm, although I personally prefer poems with a more jagged flow to them. I think it's a great effort and it's really good to see you sharing it with everyone. I'd like to see more, if you have any wink


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ThorinWoofer

Old Post Mar 12th, 2006 12:41 AM
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Coldfire
<3 <3 <3

Gender: Female
Location: Vancouver, Canada

I agree with Sy; great effort! happy I'd also like to see some more yes


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Old Post Mar 12th, 2006 08:01 AM
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Corran
Lucifer

Gender: Male
Location: Look out of your Window

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Syren
I think I may have seen this piece before... I can't recall my exact reaction but I still think it's wonderful.

I really like the consistent rhythm, although I personally prefer poems with a more jagged flow to them. I think it's a great effort and it's really good to see you sharing it with everyone. I'd like to see more, if you have any wink
Awww thanks, you always make me feel special and wanted wink


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Old Post Mar 30th, 2006 09:32 AM
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bogen
Senior Member

Gender: Male
Location: purgatory

yeah, nice ryming man.
and did you keep all the lines roughly the same length on porpose?


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Cheers starlock, your a champ. wink

Old Post Mar 31st, 2006 12:14 PM
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Syren
dreaming

Gender: Female
Location: every which way but loose

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Corran
Awww thanks, you always make me feel special and wanted wink


Long time no speak

It's a beautiful piece... and where have you been?


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ThorinWoofer

Old Post Apr 3rd, 2006 07:37 PM
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Machete_Guy
Another Basterd

Gender: Male
Location: City 17

Old Post Apr 23rd, 2006 12:03 PM
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Coldfire
<3 <3 <3

Gender: Female
Location: Vancouver, Canada

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Machete_Guy

MG! eek! Long time no talkie!


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Old Post Apr 24th, 2006 05:01 AM
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Corran
Lucifer

Gender: Male
Location: Look out of your Window

quote: (post)
Originally posted by bogen
yeah, nice ryming man.
and did you keep all the lines roughly the same length on porpose?
Nope not on purpose, it was just how it flowed in my twisted head.


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Old Post Mar 8th, 2007 01:32 AM
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jlee17xoxo412
Senior Member

Gender: Female
Location: US / UK

nice stuff. i like how it's sort of two faced because the person seem really happy and like he has it together when really he or she is falling apart.
Nice.


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Old Post Mar 9th, 2007 08:14 PM
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