Harry Potter was a highly unusual boy in many ways for one he was a wizard who attended Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft And Wizardry and hated the summer holidays more than any time in the year.
The Dursley family of #4 Privet Drive was the reason he hated the summer holidays. Uncle Vernon Aunt Petunia and their son Dudley were Harry’s only living relatives and they had a medieval attitude about toward magic. For years Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia though they could of squashed the magic out of him but failed.
Harry lie on his bet thinking about Dumbledore trying to keep himself from shouting of rage when there was a tapping on the window it was a tawny owl with a letter in its beak in which was addressed in bold writing
Harry Potter
#4 privet drive
Little Whinging
surrey
Opened the window to let the owl in and then shut it. The owl dropped a letter on his bed and landed on hedwigs cage for some water, hedwig had been out hunting for rats. Harry ripped the letter open and it read:
You are invited to a wedding
Of Mr. and Mrs. Bill Weasley
June 30th
At
The borrow
Horror ran across Harry’s face he had forgotten all about the wedding Ron and hermione were going to kill him what was he to do Harry steadily paced himself around the room. He decided to pack and leave Friday and uneasily lie down and fell asleep.
Chapter 2
Escape from the Dursleys
Harry awoke early in the morning by Aunt petunia ''Wake up boy...get up'' Harry grabbed his watch it was 7:30 ''what now'' me and your uncle are going to get Dudley fitted for his new smelting uniform “try not to burn down the house.”
As soon as the dursleys left Harry went down stairs to the kitchen and ate his breakfast which was a strip of bacon and some eggs and they bothered to save him a corner of orange juice
Harry when back to his room and laid on his bed transfixed at the ceiling then he heard a familiar voice
“HARRY HARRY ITS ME ARE YOU THERE”
Harry bolted up right the voice was coming from his school trunk it could it be Sirius who had given him the mirror so he and Harry could communicate but that was two years ago and Sirius was dead, Harry burst open his trunk throwing books and clothes across the room
”HARRY ARE YOU THERE I CAN'T SEE YOU”
Harry finally reached his mirror ,but to his disappointment it wasn't Sirius face looking back at him it was Ron weasely's
”oh hi Ron” said Harry
”hiya Harry, why haven’t you responded to the invitations”
”oh sorry Ron I forgot”
“Forgot, I sent you like a million letters”
And it was true Harry briefly stared at his desk with letter sprawled all over it and the all said things like
Hi Harry
Fluer and bills wedding is coming up are you coming
Please mail back ASAP
Ron
Or they would say
Again its me Ron I’m having a great time here at the Borrow hermione coming to the wedding, what about you Harry please mail me back
Ron
And the everlasting
Hey I must have sent you a million owls are you coming to the wedding or not!!!
Ron
”Yeah again Ron I’m sorry” Harry said to the other end
“Don’t worry about that mate” said Ron “moodys already coming I reckon he's using the knight bus sense you don't apperate”
”what” said Harry as his mouth dropped,” you mean here right now”
”yeah moody's coming to get you and I’m suppose to be um mirroring you to tell you to get ready”
“Ron do you have any idea what Vernon is going to do to me if he finds out moody is coming here”
“Don’t blame me I tried to stop him but we’re under the impression that you wont come but moody assist on making you”
”Bye” Ron said Harry as he dropped the mirror on his bed and began hastily packing all his stuff
He brought his trunk down the stairs, well more like dragged and then he waited when what seemed like to be forever someone knocked on the door it was moody Harry would finally be free he swung the door open with a grin on his face and he saw a large, beefy man with very little neck. With a mustache, his grin dropped as he looked onto uncle Vernon’s deadly eyes
Knight Bus Again
Uncle Vernon knocked Harry off his feet and hauled him upstairs in a head lock.
”Though you could escape to tell those freaks to take you back to school we'll you will never go back I’ll make sure of it.”
”Don’t be sure off that said Harry” as he instinctively reach for his pocket for his wand, it wasn’t there Harry had to think quick “they're coming for me right now”
uncle Vernon leapt back “what”
”you heard me”
”well lets see you go back to school without your books”
”what” said Harry but uncle Vernon left the room and a few minutes later came back with his trunk and left the room, Harry open the trunk to his shock it was just clothes the marauders map gone invisibility cloak gone every thing gone
he was never going to leave he's trapped ,Harry collapsed on his bed but second later the was a
BOOM!
Came from down stairs then he heard
”HARRY STOP SLEEPING AND COME DOWN HERE”
Harry grabbed his trunk and dragged it down stairs and moody was at the front door which was knocked off it hinges
”HOW DARE YOU COME INTO MY HOUSE” bellowed uncle Vernon
”SHUT UP YOU NO GOOD MUGGLE”
”WHAT DID YOU CALL ME” said uncle Vernon turning red
moody lowered his voice, this is non-sense he took out his wand pointed it at him.
“DO YOU THINK YOU CAN SCARE ME WITH THAT “said uncle Vernon but after he said that moody shouted
”PETRIFICUS TOTALUS”
then all of a sudden uncle Vernon went rigid and landed on his back
”ready Harry” he said
well almost he said he explained to moody about uncle Vernon taking his things away
And moody took out his wand again and led him in to the back yard where his magical eye wondered wildly
” Accio “
and right under the tree a wand popped out and flew into Harry’s hand and then he put his wand in his pocket and then
”Accio Accio Accio”
and his books flew from the roof and landed in front of him then moody guided him into the kitchen and helped Harry with his trunk
”oh yeah, Harry do you own a invisibility cloak?”
”Yeah”
moody when into the kitchen and pulled the cloak of aunt petunia and she gave a shriek apparently she was hiding and Harry and moody left the house and walked down wisteria walk and took the alley to magnolia crescent and stopped at the play park on magnolia road by the gate
there was a deafening BANG and Harry shielded his eyes against a blinding light and a gigantic pair of wheels and head lights it belonged to a triple Decker violently purple bus which had appeared in thin air with gold lettering on the windshield the said The Knight Bus.
I saw the wolf. She stood beside my bed like a shadow of the future. I didn't understand it. She'd told me who she was in my dreams...but who is she outside of them?
Gender: Male Location: Past the Point of No Return
I don't wanna be rude but... don't quit your day job. I didn't read the story itself, but... yea... Let me just say the format and stuf.... well.... not good. Suggestion, work on it.
Edited: started looking at it closely and... well... it is worse than I thought. I just see people speaking everywhere. No actions. Also punctuation porblems and such. But, like I said, work on it!
__________________
Thank you Neha for the sig!
This years Musical: Little Shop of Horrors (sig for it hopefully coming soon)
Last edited by The Phantom on Feb 12th, 2006 at 04:49 PM
the story itself was great. but the context was...bad.
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I saw the wolf. She stood beside my bed like a shadow of the future. I didn't understand it. She'd told me who she was in my dreams...but who is she outside of them?
I say rethink your choice of words, correct your spelling mistakes and also your punctuation. Now if you reread the opening few paragraphs to "The Owls" chapter you will as i have recalled the same basic start off as is in Philosophers stone.
Again you need to make some radical changes and get your brain sorted, do you really think that those starting chapters will get you any praise?? If you do, you need to seriously get some glasses and a comfy chair and reread it.
thax for you comments and i will try to work harder i just had this lying aroung my computer and decided to post it
also as you would notice i'm trying to soud like j.k.rowling,i'm studing her wrtiting techniques, so my version would be more realistict to you, and about the qoutations.................the book would be fairly boring if i kept saying: she said and he said and she said.........get my drift and you all ways don't need to label the qoute to know who's it from like in this cutout of a book named Eragon.(I would of shown a harry potter clipping but i cant find that book).
[pg.169]
The next day while riding Eragon asked Brom,
"what is the sea like,"
"you must have heard it described before,"said Brom
"yes,but what is it really like?"
as my piont is proven it would be rather bland if i saying :she said and he said and she said,as i pionted out in the last sentence qoutations don't always have to be labled because you should natrally know that it's someone else turn to speak and since thers only two people u should know whos turn it is to speak
sorry for the english lesson i just need to defened myself to The Phantom
sincerly,
biggesthpfan
Last edited by biggesthpfan on Feb 12th, 2006 at 06:53 PM
oh and origanily chapter one was going to be O.W.L.S but i meant to change it because the 6th book came out.like i said it's been on my coputer for a while. i only wrote the first 2 chapters on my computer so i'll have to write the rest of it as i go
Gender: Male Location: Past the Point of No Return
That isn't what I meant. I meant, there is no actions. No one is moving around. The way I see it they are all just standing still. You need to bring the characters more to life and such. I know you don't have to say "he said" and "she said" all the time. But then again you don't have to use the words "he said" or "she said" either. You could use "he exclaimed" or "she shouted" or stuff. You need to bring the creatures to life. You shouldn't take what I say out of context.
__________________
Thank you Neha for the sig!
This years Musical: Little Shop of Horrors (sig for it hopefully coming soon)
i was reading and article on muggle net that pionted this out to me
madam Prince-librarian
Ellieen Prince-snapes mother
*same name(and as i must reamind you in book 4 it was said that the wizarding world was not that big so that ends the posibility that shes another person named prince)
*same facal features as phrofesser snape and his mom
*and if you reamber she's all ways lurking around (possbly spying)when the trio is on to somthin
*She also seems as reclusive and secretive as our dear double-agent. Professor Snape
what do you think do you like the consiracy idea,if so post back becuase it might end up in my writing
p.s. also phantom i get what ur saying and i'll try harder
Um....he kinda ment there is only dialouge, no actions.
I'm sure Phantom can interpret who's speaking, butnot only are your coice of words for the charactoes bad, but there's too muh of it. JKR goes into description of the least important things, you need to do that.
Blessing, and kicking your story's ass,
JesuseyGoodness
__________________ Go Steelers
Sorry, because whatever it was, I probablly did it.
JesuseyGoodness: Blessing and Kicking ass since 1 A.D.
The Trio of Fire lives!!!!! However the flame may filcker, it's light will guide the world!
Harry Potter and the Seven Horacruxes
Chapter three
Part I
The Wedding from hell
It had come to a surprise to Harry when he realized he was at the Weaselys for two weeks. Fleur and Bill were having a frenzy planning the last details for the wedding sending out last invitations and trying to make the Weasely house presentable for the wedding. Fleur tried as hard as she could to get out of hosting the wedding at the burrow, but Mrs. Weasely insisted on having the wedding there, obviously she didn’t get the point that Fleur really didn’t want to have the wedding there but Bill convinced her to settle on having the wedding at the burrow, and speaking of Bill he was showing no signs of turning into a werewolf. But, weather he changed or not it would do nothing but add to his hideous appearance, his face was covered in scars and unhealed wounds, he was blind in his left eye which he replaced with a glass eye and Mrs. Weasley wasn’t exactly supportive of Bill decision to put glass in his eye socket “What kind or idiot put glass in his eyes!” said Mrs.Weasly in her usual scornful tone
‘But ma muggles do it all the time”
“Muggles jump off air planes” Mrs. Weasley shouted back “but would you jump out after them!”
Harry really wanted to tell Mrs. Weasly the definition of a parachute but felt that he really shouldn’t enter their argument. But still Fleur staid by his side and the wedding went on as planed
But all the well it had been two weeks since Harry had arrived and he was having the time of his life the only problem he had was Ginny. It was really hard being around Ginny after he had just broken up with her, not there were any hard fallings it just was weird being around the girl you just broke up with but still fell deeply about that person. So he did what ever any other person would do, he avoided her besides the usually “good morning and good night they really had not said a word to each other.
To be continued……….
P.S. I've noticed that a lots of people have been visiting this page and i'd like you to state your opinons good or bad and please vote soon because i might cut it short. because i might not be able to wait till next week to write about who the unexpected guest at the wedding is who ever it/they are it's definatly going to be intresting
the part above is the opening of a new chapter it is only half and you'll get the rest soon what you saw was a basic narratation of whats been going on, the next part will feature the actuall wedding as it is happening,
i would of showed you what happen in the past two weeks but it was unimportant and borin so i just breifly sumerized it
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Feb 12th, 2006 11:50 AM
