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How is it so far?
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| Great! |
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3 |
60.00% |
| Good! |
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1 |
20.00% |
| Bad! |
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0 |
0% |
| It Sucked! |
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1 |
20.00% |
| Total: |
5 votes |
100% |
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xEsaulx
Bringer of Life
 Gender: Male
Location: The Land of Quar |
Harry Potter and the Fortress of Solitude
Here is a taste of a new Fanfic that i'm making. I don't think it is really needed to say that this has spoilers from the sixth book. Well, here is the first few paragraphs of the fanfic.
Oh, and by the way, could the voting wait a little, so we don't have people judging on the first post i have.
Chapter One
It was a long ride back from Hogwarts, riding on the Hogwarts Express. People were no longer joyful, or happy, or carefree. people were distraught, and greatly sadden by what happened to their beloved headmaster, Albus Dumbledore. The one who seemed to be effected the most by the tragic events was a young teenager, Harry Potter. He was there when he was killed, and he couldn't do anything about it. He had to watch Dumbledore be killed by one of the most hated people in the world.
His head was lying on the window of the train, as it sped from the train station, making it's way to Platforms 9 3/4. It had left Hogwarts earlier than usual, since they feared that Hogwarts was no longer safe. It was attacked by Death Eaters, while Dumbledore and Harry were getting back from their trip. Dumbledore had just drank a green liquid that made him weak.
Tears flowed down his face, thinking of that night, the night where he could not help the Headmaster, frozen for some reason, being forced to watch the events as it happened underneath his invisibility cloak. Anger had boiled up in him, as well as sadness and grief. There only a few nights ago, did he witness the death of the only wizard Voldemort ever feared.
"Harry?" asked the gentle voice of his best friend Hermione. "You should really eat something."
"I'm not hungry." muttered Harry, still looking out the window, not wanting to look at Hermione, Ron, nor Ginny at the moment. Especially Ginny, since he had broken up with her just a day or two ago.
"You sure mate?" asked Ron feeling uncomfortable with Harry being upset like he was.
"Yeah, just thinking."
Harry was doing more than thinking, he was regretting. He could have saved Dumbledore. He could have stopped Snape. He could have done a lot of things, yet he either didn't, or couldn't. How could he be the Chosen One? That thought was still running through his head. He still believed that their was nothing special about him. Though he was still determined to do what he had to do.
"About what happened?" asked Ginny, feeling scared by how Harry was acting. He had seemed so strange to her now. "It wasn't your fault Harry."
He knew it wasn't his fault, yet he couldn't help thinking it. What could he have done? Dumbledore had immobilized him, not allowing him to do anything, but to watch him get killed. If only he had the strentgh to throw off the spell, maybe, just maybe Dumbledore could have lived.
Who was he fooling? They were Death Eaters, and he was just a sixteen year old boy, who excelled greatly in Defense Against the Dark Arts. True he could have held them off, but could he actually have stopped the Death Eaters that were there? He sighed, thinking bitterly to himself.
"It's just too hard, you know?" Harry said after a few minutes. "It's hurting so much, knowing that Snape was a Death Eater all along. I knew that he was one of them, yet, no one listened to me."
"Harry, listen," said Hermione, but soon was interupted by Harry.
"Don't tell me that everybody trusted him because Dumbledore did." snapped Harry, feeling exasperated. "He made a mistake trusting Snape. That's the second mistake that Dumbledore has made."
"You aren't saying..." started Ron with uncertainty, "That Dumbledore got what he deserved?"
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Last edited by xEsaulx on Feb 28th, 2006 at 07:51 PM
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Feb 28th, 2006 07:49 PM |
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Trickster
True KMC Jester
 Gender: Male
Location: United Kingdom |
Interesting - you've got Harry going back to the school. I'd like to see where it's going. Good writing style, too!
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"If clowns warred on monkeys, and the monkeys had guns, and were trained to use them, who would win?"
Death only gives another set of choices.
He who dies with the most toys. Still dies.
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Feb 28th, 2006 10:19 PM |
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Barker
Thorin Fan Club President
 Gender: Male
Location: Barkdonald's Inc. OMFGPlulz: dunt |
Just how I was going to start my Fic- Harry Going Back to #4. Nice. 
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please respond to my PM Thorin
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Feb 28th, 2006 10:56 PM |
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xEsaulx
Bringer of Life
Gender: Male
Location: The Land of Quar |
WHOO HOO thanks! working on more 
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Mar 1st, 2006 02:22 AM |
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silver_stars
Member
Gender:
Location: United States |
hmmmmmm he's going back to school? thats interesting, tho he did vow that he wouldnt go back. Its pretty good, though more of the area description would be nice. Also, he never struck me as the crying type. Love the cliffhanger! Sorry for the critic stuff, cuz i am a critic, and thats just me. You can look on practically anyone elses fic, so dont feel bad! Its great tho!
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Mar 1st, 2006 02:34 AM |
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xEsaulx
Bringer of Life
Gender: Male
Location: The Land of Quar |
he's under so much stress, and i thought i kinda made it clear it's picking up from where they were leaving hogwarts. they are going back to 9 3/4. they are going back to hogwarts though 
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Mar 1st, 2006 02:53 AM |
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Barker
Thorin Fan Club President
Gender: Male
Location: Barkdonald's Inc. OMFGPlulz: dunt |
Edit: Saratn Covered it.
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please respond to my PM Thorin
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Mar 1st, 2006 02:55 AM |
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xEsaulx
Bringer of Life
Gender: Male
Location: The Land of Quar |
hehehe i'm getting good
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Mar 1st, 2006 02:57 AM |
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Midnight109
Senior Member
 Gender: Female
Location: Dreaming |
Like silver_stars said, Harry never exactly seem like the crying type. And shouldn't he have been a little more moody and angry?
But all the same, I loved it!
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Previously Hermione202 and Midnight_Miss
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Mar 1st, 2006 03:03 AM |
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xEsaulx
Bringer of Life
Gender: Male
Location: The Land of Quar |
he was snappish, and i haven't made them talk much
and repeating what i said.....he is under lots of stress
Dumbledore just died
Sirrius died
His parents died
breaking up with Ginny
i'm sure he'd cry over all that if he couldn't handle it
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Mar 1st, 2006 03:10 AM |
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Midnight109
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Dreaming |
Maybe around the 3rd and fourth book, in that character he would have cried. But then again, you can make his character however you want it.
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Previously Hermione202 and Midnight_Miss
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Mar 1st, 2006 03:17 AM |
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xEsaulx
Bringer of Life
Gender: Male
Location: The Land of Quar |
oh, so young adults can't cry? he's had so much done to him in his life. he has lost four people that were close to him. broken up with ginny, and you expect him to put a smile on his face?
sorry if i'm sounding rude.
i just like to argue for the sake of arguing, so no hard feelings?
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Mar 1st, 2006 03:27 AM |
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xEsaulx
Bringer of Life
Gender: Male
Location: The Land of Quar |
"Of course not." said Harry irritated with Ron.
"Seems like it." Ron muttered, shifting his body. "Not like Dumbledore knew what Snape was up to."
"Look," cut in Hermione, not wanting a fight between the two of them. "let's not talk about this anymore. It's just a difficult thing to talk about. I don't think anyone wants to ponder this any longer than we have to. Let's just hope for the best."
"Oh all right." said Ron sighing a little. He obviously didn't want to drop the matter, and to continue on with the conversation.
"Anything from the trolly?" asked the woman who went by with the snacks.
She was trying her best to be in her normal cheery mood, but it was hard for her. Not just the students were affected by the Headmaster's death, but also everyone in the wizarding world. He was a man of power, just like Voldemort, though his power was used for good. Now that he was gone, the wizarding world didn't seem safe anymore. The only man that Voldemort ever feared was now dead. It troubled everyone greatly, and just by seeing the woman who pushed the trolly, the trio and Ginny soon realized how much it would affect everyone.
At Platform 9 3/4, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were there waiting for them, along with a wizard in old shabby clothing, with graying brown hair. Next to him was a pale faced witch with dark twinkling eyes, and short spiked pink hair, along with two twins who had red hair and freckles, apparently Ron's older brothers. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny all grinned with delight upon seeing them. They figured that they must have known already about Dumbledore, like some of the other parents that were there.
"Everybody make it off all right?' asked Mrs. Weasley in a slightly worried voice.
They had went back to where the Order was to see if they could do anything to help. They had to spread the word about Dumbledore dead, which wasn't easy to do. People didn't want to believe that he was dead, others were glad, like Lucious Malfoy. Kingsley Shacklebolt was probably working hardest of them all, trying to make sure that the muggle Ministry didn't get too suspicious about the many bizzare things that were going on. And they had to do this in a matter of two to three days, which left everyone exhausted.
"Don't worry mum." said Ron, trying to sound cheerful. "Everyone made it all right. Still in one piece."
"Well that's good." said Mrs. Weasley not sounding too convinced.
"So what is the Order doing to help?" asked Harry, wondering what was going on.
"Let's not talk about it here." said Mr. Weasley, glancing around, like he was expecting a Death Eater that was going to attack them.
"Come on everybody." said one of the two twins.
"Don't got all day." responded the other.
"Patience Fred and George." said Mrs. Weasley irritated.
"Now Molly," said the pink haired witch. "I don't blame them for wanting to hurry."
"Oh all right." responded Mrs. Weasley. She then turned around and started to tell people where to go, and what not. They couldn't Apperate, because Harry, who hadn't been old enough to take his test, and because Ginny wasn't of age to take the test.
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Mar 1st, 2006 04:27 AM |
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Midnight109
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Dreaming |
Of course he shouldn't be smiling. But Even if he were to cry, i doubt he would cry in public. And this is a story, remember? A real person would cry, yes, but the character of Harry Potter would simply get angry and snap at everyone around him.
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Previously Hermione202 and Midnight_Miss
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Mar 1st, 2006 01:03 PM |
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xEsaulx
Bringer of Life
Gender: Male
Location: The Land of Quar |
doubt it. and he isn't really crying in public. he wasn't even facing them. he was looking outside the window, so no one could see him. and even book characters cry. who wouldn't? if he cries, it is just showing that he is human
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Mar 1st, 2006 01:39 PM |
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Midnight109
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Dreaming |
I know, but JK never exactly made him the crying type, did she? It jest reminds me of how he was in the earlier books, rather than now.
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Previously Hermione202 and Midnight_Miss
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Mar 1st, 2006 02:06 PM |
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xEsaulx
Bringer of Life
Gender: Male
Location: The Land of Quar |
Doesn't mean he hasn't cried. She leaves gaps in the book, meaning that anything could have happened during those times. And remember this is a fanfic. i'm not trying to be the next JK Rowling. I have my own set of books in the making. i'm not trying to make this the new 7th book. this is for everyone's enjoyment as well as mine. I'm trying to make it as close to the book, and crying part is just a minute detail, which doesn't matter at all.
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Mar 1st, 2006 02:10 PM |
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Midnight109
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Dreaming |
I know you're not trying to be the next JK rowling. I was simply staing my opinion on things.
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Previously Hermione202 and Midnight_Miss
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Mar 2nd, 2006 12:03 AM |
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xEsaulx
Bringer of Life
Gender: Male
Location: The Land of Quar |
yet...............does it matter if he cries or not? all because he's a young adult, doesn't mean he can't cry. crying is just showing that your human
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Mar 2nd, 2006 12:09 AM |
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Midnight109
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Dreaming |
He isn't real!
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Previously Hermione202 and Midnight_Miss
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Mar 2nd, 2006 12:41 AM |
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