excuse me! I was being serious! I wasn't trying to bring his down i was trying to help him because we all knwo he does have a spelling problem< no offense Sirius_Rulez>. My intentions were not to bring his story down. I like his story. Don't tell me what I can and can't do
__________________
Take what you can from
your dreams, make them
as real as anything
-Dave Matthews
Last edited by iluvhp1_7 on May 30th, 2006 at 07:28 PM
Gender: Female Location: Somewhere where the fairies rein su
yeah he is right u need to lay off a little and i think the story is comin along Sirius_Rulez and maybe she doesnt exactly know how i think she is really trying hard and if u can understand it than you shouldnt care how anything is spelled and again it is good
You are intolerably rude. I'm not sure if it's on purpose, or accidental, but it is unnecessary. If you have a suggestion to make, try to avoid comments like this
"first it's Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. DO SPELL CHECK!"
Instead, you could concentrate at first on what's good in the story. (Words like Gryffindor and Ravenclaw aren't even the basic Microsoft dictionary!). Starting with words like "first" or "ok" don't put people's confidence up - you're disregarding everything else in their stories.
And okay, spelling can get on my nerves, too. But I don't go on about it obsessively. Your concentration on spelling is bizarre but I won't criticise it - everyone has their pet hates (mine's apostrophes and paragraphing). It's not just that you concentrate on it, it's that you make posts - 'reviews' - that are only a sentence or line long. Popping in to trash someone's story isn't nice, and it isn't wanted by anyone. Going by the old idea of "do unto others...", I don't think you appreciated it if I started trashing your stories. Oh, and if you're going to criticise spelling and punctuation, you might want to take a look at your own posts.
If you're going to add constructive criticism, then do it in a decent post. The point is that it's constructive, and if you have nothing constructive to say, then don't post. We're not correcting grammar to the extent of scaring somebody out of writing but trying to help them write their story so it's good.
On to my comments on the story itself:
It's good! I like the story - though I have two major qualms. The first is a common one. When you started, you include a lot of detail. by your third post, though, this has gone. You could expand upon the overhearing of the 'mudblood' comment. The other qualm is paragraphing. Spelling, it seems, I can leave up to Ilhp. When writing dialogue, the normal rule is to have a new line for each speaker.
Apart from that the story is good. You seem to have a plot going well enough - but don't be afraid to expand upon points. You can have normal events between major plot events, like lessons in JKR's books. Otherwise your plot will be quickly gone through and the story finished. Keep writing!
__________________ "If clowns warred on monkeys, and the monkeys had guns, and were trained to use them, who would win?"
Death only gives another set of choices.
He who dies with the most toys. Still dies.
Last edited by Trickster on May 30th, 2006 at 11:13 PM
i relli wasnt trying to be mean. People around thinking they own the site. The tone of what I say isn't supposed to be mean. Most people think it is but its not. I dont like beating around the bush so i write straight answers. You know what im not even going to bother. I shouldn't even be writing my story anymore if people are going to treat me this way when i try to help others. Dont even bother saying i wasn't trying to help or it didn't sound like because I know that i was, and that's all i need to know. I will write my story but i will never, never comment on someone elses if people feel that way about how i comment. I will read/ write but more commenting.
__________________
Take what you can from
your dreams, make them
as real as anything
-Dave Matthews
Last edited by iluvhp1_7 on May 31st, 2006 at 02:09 AM
when i finished writing the third part of the story i accidentally pressed submit reply and quickly tried to press spell check. But obviously it was to late, it had already submitted the third part of the story. i usually do spell check but just forgot at the last minute.
i read other ppls stories and see that others don't usually don't make a new sentence when they make ppl speak, but some do and ill try an do that in future.
I do try to write my story as best as i can. I'm not really that good at creating them so sorry for not making it that good but i do try my best. after all, English isn't something I'm really good at school, its one of the subjects i suck at school, and also the fact that i hate it. so sorry about the story not being that good, I'm doing the best of my ability
__________________ I was here,
here I was,
was I here,
of course I was
Don't worry about it. The story's good! It's a fair assumption to make that everyone else knows what they're doing. However, for a couple of good examples on grammar and stuff like that, take a look at Hotsauce's or DarkC's fanfics.
Of course, it's just a fanfic - people aren't expecting professional-style work! As for english not being your best subject at school... Bah! The subject of english is more about reading other people's stuff than writing your own.
__________________ "If clowns warred on monkeys, and the monkeys had guns, and were trained to use them, who would win?"
Gender: Female Location: Somewhere where the fairies rein su
Yea, don't worry about it. It is a really good story. Also Trickster is about English. You really only read others peoples work you don't really write your own. Also, keep up the good work.
Lily and James stepped inside, speculating what needed work.
"Potter and Evans, the two of you can help Black and Snape scrub the walls, and none of yous are leaving till everythings spotless, have I made myself clear?"
"Yes Professor" The 4 chimed in.
They all started to scrub till their hands ached and several stopped to give their hands a rest.
"Back to work, if I see anyone slacking off again there'll be trouble" Spat Mr Filch, giving them his most deadliest glare he could muster.
After Filch turned his back Sirius rolled his eyes and made a face while James snickered in the background, lifting his hands up to his mouth to try to stifle the sound so as not to bring Filches attention and land an extra detention.
After a long while Mr Filch had to go and take care of Peeves the apologist ghost who was probably causing a lot of mayhem.
After he had gone they all threw their rags down.
Snape kept on giving James and Sirius dirty looks.
"Ah, we can finally have a break and my hands are killing me." said James shaking his hands to try and get the stiffness out of them.
"Mine to mate" said Sirius.
James kept staring at Evans in hopes of catching her eyes. He saw her glancing at her now and then, giving her his most charming smile he could. He saw her blush and turn away, a big grin appearing on his face.
Sirius just turned and rolled his eyes, shaking his head.
"Hey Evans, why don't you just go out with him, everyone knows that you like him, why not face that fact that you like him and just go out with him. You know you want to." Sirius aid smirking.
They could both see that she was thinking, her blush deepening on that beautiful face of hers. She just turned around and continuing on with her work.
"Shouldn't the three of you continue with what your suppose to do?"
James and Sirius shared a knowing look and continued working.
Where as Snape was grimacing at the fact that a Mud blood would tell him what to do.
Mr Filch came back an hour later from trying to get Peeves and checked that everything was cleaned properly. After he found the place to his stander ed he said they could leave.
They all returned to their deometries and went to sleep.
__________________ I was here,
here I was,
was I here,
of course I was
James woke up with a loud rasberry blown in his face. He looked around and noticed Peeves and cursed. He looked around and saw Sirius's disgusted face and new the same had happened to him. They tried to curse him but it was no use so they gave up and decided to try again later. They tried to get back to sleep but both knew sleep was pointless and decided they may aswell get up and ready for breakfast in the Great Hall.
__________________ I was here,
here I was,
was I here,
of course I was
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