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OhILuvHP
Senior Member
 Gender: Female
Location: Leaving hometown-heading for Bree |
thanx!
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Thanx Aurora/A.D. Skinner! Gr8 sig!
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Jul 20th, 2006 05:01 PM |
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OhILuvHP
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Leaving hometown-heading for Bree |
ok........(sorry about the double posting  ).........but please tell me if the story is getting cheesey. Cause if it is, i can try and alter it to make it more realistic. or just stop it if it has no chance at all  . but please, PLEASE tell me the truth! i have the next part ready to post, but i wana hear your TRUE opinions on this story so far. And if you have any advice on how to make the story better, share your thoughts. i wana know what mistakes i am making so i know how to fix them. THANKYOU!
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Thanx Aurora/A.D. Skinner! Gr8 sig!
Last edited by OhILuvHP on Jul 20th, 2006 at 08:46 PM
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Jul 20th, 2006 08:44 PM |
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lotrtres3414
Member
Gender: Female
Location: in Lothlórien with my best friend |
i think your story is truly great. i dont think it is cheesey. why do you think it is?.... i really have no clue who is going to be behind harry. and i really want to know sooo please keep going!
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dont cry that its over-smile that it happened
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Jul 21st, 2006 12:18 AM |
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danielle marie.
Bel Fan Club President
Gender: Female
Location: waiting out eternity. |
My true opinion is that it gets better every time you write. I love it sooo much... and I can't wait to find out what happens next!!!
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Jul 21st, 2006 01:08 AM |
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Brit531
Senior Member
 Gender: Female
Location: Somewhere where the fairies rein su |
That was great. I c an't wait for you to post more. So, post more soon.
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Jul 21st, 2006 01:55 PM |
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OhILuvHP
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Leaving hometown-heading for Bree |
ok guys..........i wont be able to post for a very long time so i will leave you with this post! enjoy!
Harry whipped around to see who had just said his name. He breathed heavily, his eyes darting around wickedly. The wind seemed to have picked up, and the sky grew dark overhead. Harry reached in his pocket and slowly pulled his wand out. He stood, his wand held out in front of him. And then, above the whistling wind, he heard the voice again, this time stronger and easier to hear. This time he froze on the spot. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. The voice sent a cold shiver down his back, starting at the top of his neck and slowly crawling down to the very tips of his fingers and toes. His mind froze with bewilderment. The voice he had just heard, sounded like…………… … Sirius.
* * *
The man grabbed Draco and thrust him in front of him. Draco could feel the wand digging into the middle of his back, forcing him to move forward. Draco’s mind was fogged with fear. He glanced behind him, to look at the person directing him. The man was hunched over, with stringy, greasy hair. He wore a large, grimy coat that fell all the way to the floor. The man saw Draco looking at him, and let out a hollow, wheezy laugh.
“The Dark Lord is unforgiving,” he said, still laughing.
Draco stared at him through wet eyes. The man's eyes were dark, darting around wildly. As Draco began to turn around, he tripped over something. He felt himself falling forward, putting his hands out to brace his fall. But he was stopped short. His nose hit the edge of something very hard, breaking it on the spot. Blood spurted out from his nostrils, streaming down his face. He stood up, realizing he had tripped over the bottom step of a long, winding staircase that went up three or four stories. He had broken his nose on the edge of a step. Tears were streaming out of his eyes, mixing with the blood running down his face.
“Get up!” the greasy man spat at him.
Draco stood up slowly, trying to wipe away the blood and tears.
“You are to go up to the top room,” the man said. “And if you even think of running away, your punishment will be even worse then what you are about to face.” Draco looked back at the man, who had an angry and ugly look on his face. Then it changed, into a wicked, sick smile.
“Pray to whoever it is you pray to that you die. You be lucky if that happens,” then man said, laughing his wheezy laugh.
Draco turned around to climb the stairs, his eyes wide with fear. What he didn’t know, was that tonight was going to change his life forever.
__________________
Thanx Aurora/A.D. Skinner! Gr8 sig!
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Jul 21st, 2006 05:15 PM |
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danielle marie.
Bel Fan Club President
Gender: Female
Location: waiting out eternity. |
That was so good!!! And I'm really sad you can't post for awile. That sux.
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Jul 21st, 2006 06:23 PM |
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Brit531
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Somewhere where the fairies rein su |
That was excellent! I am very sad to here that you won't be posting for a long time. So post eventually.
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Jul 21st, 2006 06:36 PM |
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lotrtres3414
Member
Gender: Female
Location: in Lothlórien with my best friend |
omg that was amazing! i am also sad that you cant post for a while but i know why and i am sooooo jealous!!!!
__________________
dont cry that its over-smile that it happened
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Jul 22nd, 2006 12:00 AM |
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cassiebee4
Junior Member
 Gender: Female
Location: LOST |
me too gosh why are you soo lucky anyways i cannot beleive that you thought that you cant write are you stupid? that kept me so engaged that my computer being slow switching pages was making me really mad because i NEEDED to see what happened next you are too modest and it wasnt cheesy at all man it was good and you know that i wouldnt lie or just say that to be nice also as a pointer a couple of times you repeated yourself watch that its about the only thing that you can do to make it better it really does get better every time
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Jul 23rd, 2006 04:19 AM |
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REXXXX
Networking
 Gender: Male
Location: San Diego Moderator |
Name changed, on request.
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Jul 24th, 2006 02:37 AM |
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hplver4life
Member
Gender: Female
Location: i dono! do u know where i live? |
yea too BAD u can't post but ur story is good so post when ever u have the chance to
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Jul 24th, 2006 05:27 PM |
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OhILuvHP
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Leaving hometown-heading for Bree |
Harry felt coldness all around him. The hairs on his neck and arms were standing on end. Shivers were crawling down his spine continuously. He didn't move. Nothing moved.
Then his eyes began to dart around wildly. Why had he just heard Sirius' voice? How did he hear Sirius' voice? His thought were whirling through him, unable to stop. He stood, his feet rooted to the ground, finding himself unable to move. Had anyone heard the voice? Or was he just plain mad in the head?
At that moment, something caught his eye. His eyes darted over to the object that was materializing in front of him. It started with a door. Then a dirty window and walls came from out of nowhere, and the rest of a grimy, grungy old house followed. Harry watched aw struck as Number Eleven and Number Thirteen were pushed aside as the house squeezed in between them. After about a minute, all property of Number Twelve, Grimmauld place, was visible in front of him. He stared for a moment, forgetting the voice he had heard only moments ago.
Then fear washed over him. He spun around, praying that no muggle had seen it. Because living as a muggle for 11 years, he knew there would be no explanation to a house appearing out of thin air. He ran into the middle of the street, looking up and down the road for any muggled barging out of the house, demanding an explanation. Harry's heart pounded in his chest. But as he scanned the street, he saw no one who had noticed. A wash of relief flooded over him. It seemed that the muggles had been completely oblivious to the appearing house, even in broad daylight.
Harry sighed, relieved. He walked back to the yard to gather his belongings. He clambered up the front steps, and stopped at the front door. As he reached for the doorknob, his hand came to a halt.
How did the house appear. He didn't do it, and he knew that. No one around him was a wizard or new how to get to the house. At least, as far as he knew.
He felt the same chill he did a few minutes before. Sirius, he thought to himself. Harry slowly turned back around, half-expecting to see his godfather standing before him. But when he looked back, no one was there. Cautiously, he set his possessions down. He peered off the edge of the porch, but found no one.
"Sirius?" He whispered, wondering if calling his name would summon the mystery voice back.
He shuddered, and went back for his luggage. He opened the front door, and slid inside. He took one last glance around the front yard before closing the door with a soft "click."
But as he did that, a bloodcurdling shriek came from behind him.
__________________
Thanx Aurora/A.D. Skinner! Gr8 sig!
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Aug 2nd, 2006 09:39 PM |
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danielle marie.
Bel Fan Club President
Gender: Female
Location: waiting out eternity. |
Wonderful!!
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Aug 2nd, 2006 11:02 PM |
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lotrtres3414
Member
Gender: Female
Location: in Lothlórien with my best friend |
o wow that was sooo good! great job! and i am soo glad that you can post now! cant wait until your next post!
__________________
dont cry that its over-smile that it happened
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Aug 2nd, 2006 11:09 PM |
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Brit531
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Somewhere where the fairies rein su |
Great!!
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Aug 3rd, 2006 01:30 AM |
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OhILuvHP
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Leaving hometown-heading for Bree |
Im Sorry
Ok, to all of my loyal fans who have been following my story since the begginning...THANKEE!
After a very long time of posting for this story, and through much needed improvement, I must confess:
I do not think I am going to continue this story.
There are many reasons to this. Now for those of you who read this and wish to report it, I am not the one to stop you. But I would fully appreciate it if you left it be, incase I do decide to return in the near future.
There are many reasons why one must stop writing. And I must say, I am quite dissapointed in myself for not continuing, for I really wished to finish it. And I wish to let you know that I am not one who quits things easily.
Thankyou again to all of my loyal fans! I truly and sincerly appreciate your efforts to post and comment about my story!
With all thanks and ado,
OhILuvHP
__________________
Thanx Aurora/A.D. Skinner! Gr8 sig!
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Aug 4th, 2006 10:08 PM |
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Brit531
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Somewhere where the fairies rein su |
I know how you feel and your story was and still is really good, but if you are quiting the story can you just tell me what you were thinking to happen at the end unless you don't want to I uderstand
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Aug 4th, 2006 10:27 PM |
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