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My Stuff
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King of Blades
The King

Gender: Male
Location: The South

quote: (post)
Originally posted by TheMercurial
............Are you sure about that? Its seems to me that it's more like 8-6 for my first two lines, and 8-6/9-6 for my second two (depending on how you pronounce "family") I know that isn't exactly perfect, but I think it helps set out the rhythm of the rhyming scheme for the rest of the poem.
---------------------------------------------


For some reason I just felt that "fight she did" emphasised what I was trying to say better. I try not to place too much emphasise on rhyme if it costs the poem it's rhythm though.


I guess I see. Granted it's hard to post poetry on the Internet since, like I said before, you can't really detail out how someone should read it, or pronounce certain words. Than again, you can argue that for practically every poem ever printed.


I see your point, I also emphasize certain words by switching word order. But I didn't quite see any emphasis in seeing that she fought till her dying breath. The only reason why I would remember the stanza is because it has different wording then the entire poem. Than you'd be debating consistency and I don't think I could right now ...


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Old Post Jul 4th, 2007 05:00 PM
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vivando-loca
untitled

Gender: Unspecified
Location: Airports to Amsterdam...

awesome poems. that's really all i can say. amazing, i totally enjoyed them. smile

keep up the great work!


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Old Post Jul 4th, 2007 07:57 PM
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TheMercurial
Unmythical mortal

Gender: Male
Location: Ireland

Rest in peace Rita. You are missed.


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"Give a man a fire and he will be warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life"

Old Post Jul 20th, 2007 05:12 PM
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TheMercurial
Unmythical mortal

Gender: Male
Location: Ireland

This is something I wrote fairly recently. It's still a little rough, but I'll work on it some more.

In battle armour, tall and proud,
The gladiator stands.
He does not hear the thundrous crowd,
Nor feel the bone-dry sands.
His eyes seek only his next fight,
His shield and sword held high,
Though mortal he, he feels no fright,
His target finds his eye.

As he circles his hated foe,
His stance is safe and still.
But soon, for reasons he can't know,
His lust o'erwhelms his will.
He leaps with sudden bursts of speed,
Abandoning his shield,
With weight lost, his movements are freed,
His foe appears to yield.

The warrior abandons fear,
He lets his armour fall,
But things are not as they appear,
He has not won at all.
His opponent strikes, with strength unknown,
And deals a crippling blow.
The fighter falls on ground like stone,
And shameful tears soon flow.

Though the victor has been named,
And the noble knight has lost,
He feels his own haste should be blamed,
His grave injuries, the cost.
For one who fights without defense,
Who casts their shield aside,
Will always suffer their penance,
For their openness and pride.

But such brave knights will not refrain,
Only death can make them rest.
Gladly, they suffer through their pain,
For to them, it is a test.
Our hero's battles will restart,
Though his fate's not yet unfurled.
This warriors name, it is My Heart,
His foe is called The World.


__________________

"Give a man a fire and he will be warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life"

Old Post Oct 28th, 2007 10:47 PM
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King of Blades
The King

Gender: Male
Location: The South

Bravo, bravo, BRAVISSIMO!!!!

Another, another! What crime it is to deny your crowd another wonderful poem. Do not be cruel, nor denying, please another another! laughing


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Old Post Nov 11th, 2007 12:16 AM
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TheMercurial
Unmythical mortal

Gender: Male
Location: Ireland

quote: (post)
Originally posted by AOR
Bravo, bravo, BRAVISSIMO!!!!

Another, another! What crime it is to deny your crowd another wonderful poem. Do not be cruel, nor denying, please another another! laughing


Thanks for the praise, I'd love to have more work to show, but unfortunately I've more or less entered the depressing stage of heartbreak, leaving the tragically inpsiring part behind.

Nice to know I have a fan though wink
When I have more to show, you'll see it.


__________________

"Give a man a fire and he will be warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life"

Old Post Nov 18th, 2007 01:55 AM
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King of Blades
The King

Gender: Male
Location: The South

quote: (post)
Originally posted by TheMercurial
Thanks for the praise, I'd love to have more work to show, but unfortunately I've more or less entered the depressing stage of heartbreak, leaving the tragically inpsiring part behind.

Nice to know I have a fan though wink
When I have more to show, you'll see it.


I would recommend taking this time to explore the emotions of sadness as a way to conveying poetry. God knows how many times when I was feeling down, that merely writing something as humble as flowers, through the eyes of remorse, opened my mind to a different world. Granted it may not be for everyone, but I have come to love and appreciate the flower more for it's complexity in its seemingly simple nature. My prayers for your improvement. smile


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Old Post Nov 20th, 2007 02:08 AM
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TheMercurial
Unmythical mortal

Gender: Male
Location: Ireland

I know what you mean, depression and sadness have led to some of my best writing, I'm just at a point where I don't feel much like writing. It won't last for long though.
Thanks.


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"Give a man a fire and he will be warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life"

Old Post Nov 20th, 2007 09:02 AM
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~Forever*Alone~
Empress

Gender: Female
Location: EveryWhere And NoWhere

im sorry but i like your work. i am envious.


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does this work?

Old Post Nov 20th, 2007 08:27 PM
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TheMercurial
Unmythical mortal

Gender: Male
Location: Ireland

Thanks big grin


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"Give a man a fire and he will be warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life"

Old Post Nov 21st, 2007 12:54 AM
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King of Blades
The King

Gender: Male
Location: The South

Hey on a lighter note Happy thanksgiving. hope you stuffed yourself big grin


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Old Post Nov 23rd, 2007 02:31 AM
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TheMercurial
Unmythical mortal

Gender: Male
Location: Ireland

Well, I'm Irish, so I don't have Thanksgiving, but thanks anyway, I hope yours was good!


__________________

"Give a man a fire and he will be warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life"

Old Post Nov 23rd, 2007 03:41 AM
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jadeily
Puddin' Pop

Gender: Female
Location:

Wow.
I love them all smile

Old Post Nov 25th, 2007 01:27 AM
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jadeily
Puddin' Pop

Gender: Female
Location:

quote: (post)
Originally posted by TheMercurial
This is something I wrote fairly recently. It's still a little rough, but I'll work on it some more.

In battle armour, tall and proud,
The gladiator stands.
He does not hear the thundrous crowd,
Nor feel the bone-dry sands.
His eyes seek only his next fight,
His shield and sword held high,
Though mortal he, he feels no fright,
His target finds his eye.

As he circles his hated foe,
His stance is safe and still.
But soon, for reasons he can't know,
His lust o'erwhelms his will.
He leaps with sudden bursts of speed,
Abandoning his shield,
With weight lost, his movements are freed,
His foe appears to yield.

The warrior abandons fear,
He lets his armour fall,
But things are not as they appear,
He has not won at all.
His opponent strikes, with strength unknown,
And deals a crippling blow.
The fighter falls on ground like stone,
And shameful tears soon flow.

Though the victor has been named,
And the noble knight has lost,
He feels his own haste should be blamed,
His grave injuries, the cost.
For one who fights without defense,
Who casts their shield aside,
Will always suffer their penance,
For their openness and pride.

But such brave knights will not refrain,
Only death can make them rest.
Gladly, they suffer through their pain,
For to them, it is a test.
Our hero's battles will restart,
Though his fate's not yet unfurled.
This warriors name, it is My Heart,
His foe is called The World.


Love that one best big grin

Old Post Nov 25th, 2007 01:28 AM
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Selphie
you teasing like you do

Gender: Unspecified
Location: The Land of Bernie Sanders

Post more!


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riding high on love's true bluish light

Old Post Nov 27th, 2007 01:39 AM
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TheMercurial
Unmythical mortal

Gender: Male
Location: Ireland

You're not the boss of me!


__________________

"Give a man a fire and he will be warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life"

Old Post Nov 27th, 2007 09:05 AM
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Selphie
you teasing like you do

Gender: Unspecified
Location: The Land of Bernie Sanders

quote: (post)
Originally posted by TheMercurial
You're not the boss of me!


Well I am now!

You better learn to write good poetry under pressure!


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riding high on love's true bluish light

Old Post Nov 27th, 2007 08:01 PM
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TheMercurial
Unmythical mortal

Gender: Male
Location: Ireland

quote: (post)
Originally posted by SelphieT
Well I am now!

You better learn to write good poetry under pressure!



Nu-uh!


__________________

"Give a man a fire and he will be warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life"

Old Post Nov 28th, 2007 08:03 AM
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Selphie
you teasing like you do

Gender: Unspecified
Location: The Land of Bernie Sanders

It's been nearly a month. Post more stuffffff plzzzz


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riding high on love's true bluish light

Old Post Dec 19th, 2007 05:09 PM
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TheMercurial
Unmythical mortal

Gender: Male
Location: Ireland

Sorry, I've been reeeeeally busy. As soon as I write something, I'll post it.
By the way, I love the sig.


__________________

"Give a man a fire and he will be warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life"

Old Post Dec 22nd, 2007 03:10 PM
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