^
^
^oh god i am pathetic. heres another poem based on a book, The Hobbit, by JRR Tolkien. its not finished obviously, and probably never will be.
its called "Bilbos Ballad"
There once was a hobbit that lived in the Hill,
And he hated adventures but he’d have his fill,
He’d face elves and goblins, giant spiders, a dragon,
Then back to his Hill for a nice tasty flagon.
One day Gandalf the wizard came wandering by,
To this unwelcomed guest he said goodbye,
If Bilbo Baggins had known what he was in for
He would have scratched off the symbol scratched on his front door.
The next morning poor Bilbo awoke with a shock to find,
Dwarves knocking his door of all shapes and each kind.
Courteously he invited them all in, gave them food, what a host!
But as he heard their story he turned pale as a ghost.
Poor little Bilbo really had no choice, he was forced to this quest,
But he’d be such a help no one could’ve guessed.
At the start of their journey he hated it so,
But later his love for adventure started to grow.
After a cold rainy journey, losing food, nearing night,
They saw deep in the forest a comforting light,
Bilbo scouted it out and saws three ugly trolls!
And that was the beginning and least of their woes!
The trolls caught them in sacks and prepared to feast,
When Gandalf saved them they weren’t ungrateful in the least
He tricked the trolls into fighting by his mimicking moans,
And in the sunlight of the morning they turned into stones.
Nearby in a cave they found treasure, food and swords,
This might come in handy when fighting the goblin hoards.
Later that week they were met by elves singing,
And were heartened by the memory ringing.
The Last Homely House they soon had to leave,
Over the Misty Mountains to find a dragons gold to thieve
Where the rain and cold would drive them into a cave
And goblins would come for them to enslave
Dragged deep inside the Misty Mountain tunnels
Escaping in darkness and other difficult trials
Bilbo got separated and made a meeting with golem,
They had a riddle contest to solve their problem,
Bilbo won the lifestake contest to his surprise,
And came out with an even greater prize,
A magical ring that would make you disappear
But this was a ring that golem held dear
Golem went after him but he couldn’t be seen
Then he found his way out and back with the thirteen
Gandalf and the dwarves were glad he was alive,
But they hadn’t even seen him arrive!
He’ll make a right burglar yet, they thought,
If he couldn’t be seen then he couldn’t be caught!
wow that was longer than i thought..... wow.
heres one i wrote the other day at school cause i was bored.
Leaves.
The leaves on the ground where they lay,
brown bodies crushed into the concrete,
shall still remain after every day,
forever, simple, unique and sweet.
the fall is eternal as it was in the past,
there is no more summer winter or spring,
frozen forever in a fall that wont last,
that is what the future will bring.
it is our nature to seek freedom from our fate,
we struggle without realizing the ties that bind,
are generated by cruelty, fear and hate,
We all share a freedom that in death we find.
There was a very poor man who didnt have a house,
he lived out in the cold, and when winter came he froze,
first he lost he feet then hands, then he lost his life,
he had a dog, who chewed his bones when he was gone.
my sister has a friend who is very dear to her, and me,
she is a catholic, because her parents are catholic,
when her mom got cancer they thought she would be fine,
they prayed a lot and hired a priest, but she still died.
there was a very rich man once, who lived well and warm,
he had a lot of people who loved him, he was giving,
his plane crashed into the earth it tried to fly over,
needless to say he didnt survive, many people mourned.
Impressive. Your stuff is seriously good. You have a real knack for getting your message across, but not letting it distort the flow of the poems. That's a skill which is too rare these days.
Keep it up, it'd be a true shame not to.
__________________
"Give a man a fire and he will be warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life"
I'm saying that you have a talent for expressing your message in your poems, and that, at the same time, that doesn't compromise the flow and rhythm of them, which a lot of people can't seem to do.
Then I said to keep up the good work.
?
__________________
"Give a man a fire and he will be warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life"
Gender: Female Location: Some where in the Poison Ivy
ok this is the third time I've tried to post in this thread so I'll keep it brief other wise I'm likely to throw my laptop out the window!
your work is good, my fave is the romantic graveyard. it has a good rhythem, it rolls easily off the tongue. the rhyme is well timed and balanced.
I would avoid basing you work on Poe's as his work is both complex and irregular.
stick to simpler forms and structures until you feel you have conquered them.
visionary work is well percieved and people can mentally envision the tale and message you are tring to get across.
one thing you must never ever do is look at other peoples work and think "my god, I'm crap I think I'll quit right now, I'll never be as good as they are!"
been there done that. but that isnt important. being creative is as it comes but you also have to work at it.
looking back at some of my art work from college now I think, "did I really do that? its great, that cant be my work!"
But it is my work and at the time when I was doing it I had so many other people working around me on their projects, I was lookin at their work and losing motivation of my own work. I was losing faith in myself and my creative ability.
I'm not saying dont look at other peoples work, not at all. use their ideas and techniques but dont ever, ever think that your work is worthless are rubbish. we all have to learn and progress and the only way to do that is to work through it for it.
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i want someone to comment on my poems! i dont care if you hate them! be mean if you want to! just acknowlegde my existance!!! 
Oct 23rd, 2007 07:08 AM
