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What do you think of this story.
Started by: Wolf_Girl15

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Lt_Champion
fragile, handle with care

Gender: Female
Location: The middle of the woods

What do you think of this story.

I wrote a story and I am working on typing it up. I wanted to get others opinion of it....so here it is..please let me know what you think. This isnt all of chapter one, but I will try to keep this place updated as I type more of it up.

The Untold Tale


Chapter One:
Secrets Revealed


I yawn as I walk through the door to the band room. I glance around to see who all has shown up for their sectionals. I spot five trumpet players. Three are freshmen two are my grade or older. I walk across the band room to the lockers were the band instruments are stored. I open a combination lock to my locker, and pull out my trumpet. I head to the other side of the band room as I adjust my hoodie. I pick up my flip folder and drill book. I put the flip folder on my horn and the drill book over my shoulder. I am just glad sectionals are over and I didn’t have to go to it as I walk up to my friend Ryan Car.
I follow him down to the marching field, talking to him about different things having to do with school. We quickly move to our spots in the attendance block so we don’t get counted tardy. I glance quickly around to see if Doug is here yet, when I spot a person hiding in the shadows. I can tell it is a male but I can’t tell if it is an agent of BlackGhost, the organization that made me a cyborg. The man is following a trumpet player. I watch to see who it is when I realize…. It’s Doug. Ryan asks if I know the man following Doug but I am already on my way to the sideline to set my trumpet down out of the way. I quickly run to Doug just as the figure steps out of the shadows to attack Doug. The second he is in the light I realize he is an agent from BlackGhost.
Two massive angelic wings erupt from the back of my hoodie. They start to flap quickly lifting me into the air; I fly to Doug landing beside him. The agent pulls out a gun, firing it at us narrowly missing us.
“Run Doug.” I yell as I flap my wings sending me shooting straight up into the air. Doug runs out of the way as the agent fires the gun over and over creating a shower of bullets. I manage to avoid the bullets as I fly towards him. The second I am close enough; I fold my wings in quickly sending me towards the ground. I slam my heal into his right shoulder knocking him to the ground; the force of the attack makes him release his grip on the gun.
“Leave now and I wont kill you.” I say to him. He quickly stands up running away with his left hand on his right shoulder where I hit him. I turn around to head back to the field to find the whole band staring at me. With my wings outstretched, I felt exposed. I jump up flapping my wings quickly to force me up into the air. I fly over the throng of band members and land next to my trumpet. I pick it up planning to leave yet another town and another life behind like I have so many times before.
As I prepare to fly away, a warm strong hand grabs my shoulder. I turn to see who it is. It’s Doug and the rest of the band is behind him.
“What just happened?” I sigh folding my wings back into my hoodie, the band director walks up wanting to know as well. He hands the microphone he uses during marching rehearsals to me so everyone can hear her. I tell them about how I was captured by BlackGhost (B.G.), How they forced me into having the wings grafted onto my back, how they tried to force me to fight for them so they can take over the world, and how I escaped from them with the help of nine cyborgs and one professor who I live with.
When I finally finish, I explain how dangerous it is for them to know what I am and how important it is that they never tell anyone about this. The whole band agrees to not tell. I smile when a boy with brown hair asks if I would give anyone a ride. I unfold my wings and fly straight up before diving down picking the boy up without stopping. I fly low around the school a few times before I return to the band. I hover over an open area and fold my wings so we both plummet to the ground. The boy screams and before we hit the ground I unfold and flap my wings stopping our downward momentum suddenly. I gently set him down before landing softly. I refold my wings into my hoodie sealing the holes they had emerged from with strips of velcro I had put on. It is obvious they were put there just for my wings. I spend the rest of band class answering questions about my wings and B.G.
Near the time for the bell to ring, we all head into the band room to put our things up. I pull my back pack on and Doug asks if wearing it hurts my wings. I shake my head saying that my wings are used to being squished. I go through school as if nothing had ever happened. The only hint of what had happened in band was the occasional glance from the band members who still can believe what happened.
After school I turn my cell phone on to check whether or not I am to ride the bus. As I am about to hit call a strong arm wraps around my neck from behind me, pulling me against the person’s chest so I cant use my wings.
“Quit squirming or we will kill the one you love.” The person says angerly.
“You don’t know who I love” I reply.
“Oh really?” The person points to a young man walking down a side walk past he school with his free arm. “That is the boy you love” My eyes widen and I instantly stop struggling.
“Good girl. Now come with me.” He lets go of me and walks off. I follow him noticing he is a BG agent. I spot another agent sneaking up on the boy with a gun in hand.
I force my wings to unfold out of my hoodie and Lift me into the air. I fly to stop the agent, landing between the boy and the agent.
“Leave Matt alone.”
“Why should I” The agent raises the gun aiming it at me.
Suddenly, my eyes glow bright yellow. My hair moves in a sudden strong wind, and my entire body starts to glow brightly. When the glow from my body fades , my glowing yellow eyes lock on the agent. Electricity moves over my body to my right arm. I raise my right are as the strong wind only gets stronger. I aim my open palm at the agent, instantly a large bolt of electricity jumps from my right arm to the agent killing him instantly. I lower my right arm smirking before the glow fades from my eyes. I pass out the instant the glow fades. The last thing I see is one of the nine cyborgs I live with walking up behind Matt, who is holding me. Then I black out…

I wake up slowly. I open my eyes and try to sit up. A strong hand touches my shoulder gently.
“don’t sit up. You are back on the ship in the sick room. Matt is here with me.” I recognize the owner of the voice right away. It’s my friend, Al. I look up into his nearly white eyes as he softly tells me to rest. I try to argue, but I fall into a deep sleep before I can. I feel a warm hand softly hold my hand just before I trift of to another world, a world ruled by dreams.
I dream of B.G capturing Matt ,and killing him because I refuse to obey their commands. I scream as I sit up quickly, eyes wide. I am wide awake now. Matt’s worried eyes look into my own.
“Whats wrong?” He asks. He makes me lay back down as I tell him about the dream. He calms me down telling me it was only a dream. I yawn lightly after a while of him calming me down. He gently strokes my hand as I slowly drift off to sleep again...


__________________

Old Post Dec 1st, 2006 03:41 PM
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Lt_Champion
fragile, handle with care

Gender: Female
Location: The middle of the woods

Matt catches my limp body after I had attacked the agent infront of the school. A man walks up behind him and offers to help.
“ I know you don’t know me, but I am a friend of hers. I know who can help her.” The man says.
“Why should I trust you?” Matt replys.
“What other option is there? No hospitol can help her”
“Alright.” The man picks me up bridal style and leads Matt to a red porche`. Matt opens the back door and the man sets me down gently in the back seat closing the door afterwards.
“Hop in” the man says as he climes into the drivers seat. Matt hesitates before climing into the passenger seat and buckling up.
The man starts the engine and drives out of the school parking lot.
“How do you know Mariah?” The man asks as he keeps his eyes on the road to avoid a wreck.
“I am her boyfriend.”
“What is your name?”
“Matthew, but I go by Matt.”
“ I am Albert, but I go by Al. I am one of the nine cyborgs she lives with.”
“Who was that guy, the one who tried to kill her?”
“he was an agent of an organization who kidnaps people to turn them into cyborgs, who can form the perfect army together.”
“What is the name of the organization?”
“BG.” He turns onto the interstate before continuing. “It stands for BlackGhost.”
“Why are they out to kill her?”
“For one she is a double zero cyborg, meaning she is one of the ten cyborgs who refused to fight to help the head of BG take over the world. She escaped wit the help of Professor Isaiah.”
He turns off the interstate. “And two because she is the only cyborg who knows how to hack into the BG computer system.
“And steal information about them?”


__________________

Old Post Dec 1st, 2006 03:51 PM
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BlkMrkt
Senior Member

Gender: Male
Location: Who the **** cares? :>

Too much to read.


__________________



teh k0ngu plec lolz
[/coluorzz]

Old Post Dec 1st, 2006 03:52 PM
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Lt_Champion
fragile, handle with care

Gender: Female
Location: The middle of the woods

That is only 7 of my 87 hand written pages.......


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Old Post Dec 1st, 2006 03:53 PM
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BlkMrkt
Senior Member

Gender: Male
Location: Who the **** cares? :>

Oh, god.


__________________



teh k0ngu plec lolz
[/coluorzz]

Old Post Dec 1st, 2006 03:56 PM
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Lt_Champion
fragile, handle with care

Gender: Female
Location: The middle of the woods

Lol yeah its going to be a book.


__________________

Old Post Dec 1st, 2006 03:57 PM
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Syren
dreaming

Gender: Female
Location: every which way but loose

This should really be in the Fiction area smile


__________________


ThorinWoofer

Old Post Dec 1st, 2006 03:58 PM
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Lt_Champion
fragile, handle with care

Gender: Female
Location: The middle of the woods

Where is the fiction area?


__________________

Old Post Dec 1st, 2006 04:01 PM
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Scottie
poiuytrewq

Gender: Male
Location: Scotland

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Wolf_Girl15
Where is the fiction area?
http://www.killermovies.com/forums/f53/


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~ This person is my favourite person on KMC ~

Old Post Dec 1st, 2006 04:01 PM
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BlkMrkt
Senior Member

Gender: Male
Location: Who the **** cares? :>

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Wolf_Girl15
Lol yeah its going to be a book.

Good.


__________________



teh k0ngu plec lolz
[/coluorzz]

Old Post Dec 1st, 2006 04:02 PM
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Lt_Champion
fragile, handle with care

Gender: Female
Location: The middle of the woods

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Scottie
http://www.killermovies.com/forums/f53/
Thanks, I will start one there.


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Old Post Dec 1st, 2006 04:07 PM
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Scottie
poiuytrewq

Gender: Male
Location: Scotland

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Wolf_Girl15
Thanks, I will start one there.
you could just ask for this one to get moved


__________________



~ This person is my favourite person on KMC ~

Old Post Dec 1st, 2006 04:08 PM
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Lt_Champion
fragile, handle with care

Gender: Female
Location: The middle of the woods

.....Nah...I like this one here....


__________________

Old Post Dec 1st, 2006 04:08 PM
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Lt_Champion
fragile, handle with care

Gender: Female
Location: The middle of the woods

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Wolf_Girl15
Matt catches my limp body after I had attacked the agent infront of the school. A man walks up behind him and offers to help.
“ I know you don’t know me, but I am a friend of hers. I know who can help her.” The man says.
“Why should I trust you?” Matt replys.
“What other option is there? No hospitol can help her”
“Alright.” The man picks me up bridal style and leads Matt to a red porche`. Matt opens the back door and the man sets me down gently in the back seat closing the door afterwards.
“Hop in” the man says as he climes into the drivers seat. Matt hesitates before climing into the passenger seat and buckling up.
The man starts the engine and drives out of the school parking lot.
“How do you know Mariah?” The man asks as he keeps his eyes on the road to avoid a wreck.
“I am her boyfriend.”
“What is your name?”
“Matthew, but I go by Matt.”
“ I am Albert, but I go by Al. I am one of the nine cyborgs she lives with.”
“Who was that guy, the one who tried to kill her?”
“he was an agent of an organization who kidnaps people to turn them into cyborgs, who can form the perfect army together.”
“What is the name of the organization?”
“BG.” He turns onto the interstate before continuing. “It stands for BlackGhost.”
“Why are they out to kill her?”
“For one she is a double zero cyborg, meaning she is one of the ten cyborgs who refused to fight to help the head of BG take over the world. She escaped wit the help of Professor Isaiah.”
He turns off the interstate. “And two because she is the only cyborg who knows how to hack into the BG computer system.
“And steal information about them?”

“Right”
“If she can do that, cant she just hack into their system and find a way to kill them?”
“She has tried that. She searched the entire BG computer system and found nothing.”
“What will happen to her when we find the person who can help her?”
“He will inject her with chemical to help in her healing, then she will get lots of bedrest.”
“Why tell me all this? What if I turned out to be with this BG?”
“Jet read all aobut you in her diary and told me. I asked who you were because she didn’t have any pictures of you in her diary.”
“Jet?”
“Yeah. We call him that because he is pretty much a human jet.”
“Why to go you by Al?”
“It sounds better than handgun.” He holds up his right hand pulling fake skin off it revealing a metal hand. He puts both hands back on the stearing wheel quickly. “I have a machine gun built into my right hand.”
“Wow.”
“After awhile it losses its coolness.” Al pulls onto a dirt road. After a few minutes he pulls into a driveway.
“We’re here.” Al stops the car and turns it off. He gets out and opens the back door to get me.
“I’ll carry her.” Matt walks over to the open door and Al moves out of his way.
“Alright.” Is Al’s only reply as matt picks me up the same way Al had and carries me inside of a large airplane like house. Al leads him to a room with medical supplies and medical beds in it. Matt lays me gently on one of the beds and a man walks into the room.


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Old Post Dec 1st, 2006 04:09 PM
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BlkMrkt
Senior Member

Gender: Male
Location: Who the **** cares? :>

But we don't. stick out tongue


__________________



teh k0ngu plec lolz
[/coluorzz]

Old Post Dec 1st, 2006 04:09 PM
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Lt_Champion
fragile, handle with care

Gender: Female
Location: The middle of the woods

laughing out loud I put it here because more people come here than in the other one.....and more often.....


__________________

Old Post Dec 1st, 2006 04:11 PM
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BlkMrkt
Senior Member

Gender: Male
Location: Who the **** cares? :>

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Wolf_Girl15
laughing out loud I put it here because more people come here than in the other one.....and more often.....

Good point.


__________________



teh k0ngu plec lolz
[/coluorzz]

Old Post Dec 1st, 2006 04:16 PM
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Peach
mordrem

Gender: Female
Location: verdant brink

Moderator

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Wolf_Girl15
.....Nah...I like this one here....


Well, either this one will be closed or moved...so...


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I can hear the call of the dragon...

Old Post Dec 1st, 2006 04:17 PM
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Syren
dreaming

Gender: Female
Location: every which way but loose

smile


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ThorinWoofer

Old Post Dec 1st, 2006 04:18 PM
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Lt_Champion
fragile, handle with care

Gender: Female
Location: The middle of the woods

^^


__________________

Old Post Dec 1st, 2006 04:19 PM
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