It's not the relationships that fail, just like drugs aren't responsible for being taken.
People fail relationships, and that's the main reason. One way or another, it's to do with the two people involved. In other cases, circumstances just may not be right.
I've always maintained the idea that two people who want a relationship to work equally, and have the means and situation to make it succeed, can do so. Everybody is different and things can change.
Registered: Feb 2007
Location: Palo Alto, United States
Agreed. The human factor generally guarantees fallibility. I could bring up a lot of clichéd analogies about relationships, trees, and water, but I'll spare you all the theatrics.
__________________ "How many divisions are under the Pope's command?"
-Senator Joseph McCarthy, on America's true Red Menace.
The mans a damn lunatic.........He's sooooooo damn obsessed with me. God, sure wish he'd find some panties to sack......and leave me alone........What the hell, there is more to life them me ya know........LOL
Registered: May 2006
Location: Drifting off around the bend
Re: Why Do Relationships Fail?
Relationships fail due to one or both partners remaining unwilling to give up their individual self to better the combined relationship of the two. This doesn't mean you must completely lose your identity, but it does mean that if an aspect of your individual self conflicts with the betterment of the relationship it must be discarded, or discussed within the relationship, to achieve either a compromise that results in no harm to the relationship. Compromise and communication are wonderful things, but they are merely tools one uses in attempting to maintain and better the relationship. Selfishness that leads away from some compromise on either part is the reason a relationship fails. You must be satisfied, but so must your partner in the relationship, if your satisfaction comes at the expense of your partner's satisfaction, you will result in a poorly functioning relationship.
Sorry if this repeated various other people's posts, I just answered the question did not read through the thread.
For my background: I have been in one monogamous relationship for almost twenty years, and have been married for eleven of those years.
Registered: May 2006
Location: Drifting off around the bend
It is necessary for both partners to do this to some extent. Relationships are based on compromise, compromise in a relationship means you are surrendering a portion of your desires/wants/whatever to maintain the relationship, it isn't required, but if it doesn't occur it is likely the relationship will eventually fail.
I did mistate though, it should have been:
"Relationships fail due to one or both partners remaining unwilling to give up a portion of their individual self"
Some level, probably a greater level than your take on my previous post (given your response ), of individuality must remain, otherwise one loses the ability to be satisfied oneself, such is also a poor state of affairs that will also lead to the relationship failing.
__________________
Robbin' from the rich to give to themselves
Last edited by Regret on Feb 3rd, 2007 at 11:44 PM
Registered: May 2006
Location: Drifting off around the bend
A long term successful relationship results in less focus on who they individually are and a stronger focus on who they as a couple are. This is a diminishing of the separate individuals and an increase in the combined whole.
You are deluded, who they are changes in a relationship, part of who they ARE is half of a relationship, this changes who they ARE. If it does not, they are not truly a part of the relationship and it has already started to fail.
People enter a relationship as individuals, yes? They are attracted for that reason to each other. People of course accept the other for and what the other is, but to require a change in subtracting ones self from who they are. It is not healthy at all by no means. It is an insecurity that would require that of another person. It would elevate one above the other with the personality disorder of Narcissism...
Last edited by debbiejo on Feb 4th, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Registered: May 2006
Location: Drifting off around the bend
I never stated that one partner should require such of the other. I stated that it would occur to some extent naturally.
Relationships are malleable and change, as do the partners in the relationship. Yes, you enter a relationship for specific reasons, but both partners will, and do, change over time. These changes require (once again neither partner requires, the relationship requires) that concessions be made, compromises be met, give and take to occur. If you are so stuck on your individuality, compromise, and becoming a couple, is often viewed as a loss of individuality, and does not occur at the level it must for the relationship to remain healthy. It is definitely narcissistic to believe that you can maintain a relationship without giving up some of yourself to the relationship whole. I am also not suggesting a relationship means becoming co-dependant, only that individuals and their individuality changes in a healthy and strong relationship.
In a relationship, individuality will lessen to some minimal extent as the relationship mature. This is a fact. It elevates neither above the other because both individuals should lose such similarly. You are assuming that either partner would not undergo such, this is an error. Both partners should change and become a part of the relationship. Both lose some, perhaps a minimal amount depending on the couple, of their individuality, it is the sacrifice that results in a relationship.
In a relationship, individuality does not lessen by any means. The parties involved may supress certain individual aspects about them, but that doesn't mean it's lessening the person's individuality.
Jan 31st, 2007 12:11 PM
), of individuality must remain, otherwise one loses the ability to be satisfied oneself, such is also a poor state of affairs that will also lead to the relationship failing.
