For those of you that are new to this and have no clue what its about;
A few months ago i made a thread called "the unforgiveable diaries of DMC" - - basically its just the diary entries of the cast and crew of POTC
We had alot of fun, and pretty much made it all up as we went along...hence, the madness lol
Anyone can join in and make a diary, and you can write anyone you want!!!!
We're starting from the beginning now though, so any storylines/funny tales we had in the other diaries don't count....
These are brand-spanking new, baby!!!
ok, Ill get the ball rolling.....
Johnny
Day One: Returning to Film AWE...oh, the joy!
Dear Ichy - Yep, Ichy IS still alive!
We're back once again upon the multi-sets for At World's End.
As usual, it didn't take sad-sack (orli) long to find the canteen...you'd think he hadn't eaten since we filmed the end of DMC...
Actually, I can vouch for the fact that he hadn't.
He beat everyone to the que just so he could get second helpings of everything...greedy git.
Rumour on set before we left for the DMC premier was that Sad-Sack was going to have a half-naked scene -
(I know, i know. As disturbing as it sounds, its not half as disturbing as the look of utter joy that spread across his holier-than-thou face...)
- So you can imagine his complete lack of intelligence when he decided he was going to have to 'buff' himself up for the role....
I say 'Buff', but it was more like 'puff'.
The last i heard after we left the caribbean, he could be seen coming out of a tanning salon looking like an oversized 'Mr Crabbs' from a cartoon about a yellow sponge who apparently lives in a woman's bikini bottom...
Crabbs, indeed...
Anyway, to cut a long story short...
news had spread to my finely tuned ears that Gore and a few of the other staff members (mainly women) had protested to Sad-sack cavorting his white and very unmanly chest in the view of the public -
(Hell, we got letters of complaint from one owner of a house nearby our trailors because the great idiot had decided to practice his sword fighting right in the middle of an expensive flower bed...needless to say, the neighbours magnolia's will never be the same again...)
- So guess what they decided to do??
Give ME a shirtless scene!
Why? You ask?
Well, I don't really know, to be honest...
It could have something to do with my eternal sexyness...
but at the end of the day, i guess it beats being blinded by the bright white canvas that is Orlando's sad excuse for washboard abs....
After a nice relaxing break, it was hard to throw myself back into the madness of the pirates films...
But technically i wasn't thrown, i was pulled in by Mr Jack Bloody Davenport!
I got up nice and early and decided to make a grand entrace to the set;
...but this failed miserably because as soon as i graced Johnny with my presence, he had the audacity to ask me whether i had bothered to do my hair this morning...
In MY defence, it is the humidity of the caribbean that makes my hair unfold like a bust matress...
Jack was no help, either.
When i asked him if he wanted to practice sword fighting with me, he told me that he liked his knee-caps too much to want to lose them unwittingly.
Fair enough, but he didn't have to add that his insurance shot up because of the last time we had a 'sword fight'...how he managed to dis-insert the sword-tip, i'll never know...
Only yesterday I was on the phone to Mckenzie.
He told me he was excited to get back, too! ...apparently his 'less-than-legal' shrubbery should have grown by a few meters by now...
I plan on pulling everyone out on a massive night out tonight...get everyone good and legless (except Niaomi...she's a mean drunk and tends to start fights with herself if left alone for too long...).
Johnny gave me a sound piece of advice before;
"Avoid Sad-sack at all costs."
I didn't ask why, but judging by the red glow of Orlando's skin, I'm beginning to think he looks like satan in really back stockings...
I arrived at my trailer, and no sooner had i tested out the feather matress on the bed -
(You know you've made it in hollywood when you have a feather matress...its like sleeping on a flock of dead pigeons....)
- the doorbell rang!
Yep, i now have a doorbell!
Well anyway, apparently Jerry was calling a meeting for all the staff and actors in his 'mansion-on-wheels'...his trailor makes the Queens palace look like a council estate flat in the suburbs...
So there i sat for three boring hours, as the production company explained exactly what we would be doing...
I got so bored that i swear i almost mastered the art of sleeping with my eyes open...
I looked to the left of me;
Keira was unpleasantly picking her nose...something you never thought you would see from a woman who graces every magazine cover in the world.
Imagine the head lines;
"Keira Knightly Nose Best"
"Need a knife and fork for that, love?"
"Keira accidently pulls out brain through her left nostril"
I don't know....
Then i looked to the right of me;
Orlando was in a mood with 'heat magazine'...apparently he had only come in second in a poll of 'most sexiest men in the world'...
I told him not to worry;
He came first in 'the ten worst fashoin disasters of all time' ... I mean, honestly! Who wears a hawiian shirt with chord pants?
Gender: Female Location: WheRe JacK is I'M There By His Side
Orlando
Day 1
Dear Nobody,
Today would normally be the beginning of the end….but I’ve decided this time Today will be the Beginning of a new life for me! Sad-sack is No More! I’ll show them! Well at least that was my mentality this morning that is until God in the From of Johnny did what he does best….humiliate me in front of everyone!
I had it all planned out! My grand entrance! I bought a new car, I bought a new outfit, I had new bling…I was looking good and everything was going great!! I pulled up in front of the cast and crew in my new Mercedes with Lamborgini doors, I stepped out and I saw the look on their faces….they were praising me!!! It was a Moment of Victory, of Shine! And then….WATER!!! an SUV drove by and sent a puddle of water splashing all over my new Image!
3 Guards ran right past me and opened the door of the SUV. Johnny stepped out, looked at me and said “U look Bloody Awful, mate!” then he turned around and left.
What a pitful way to start! And how come he gets a driver!! He wasn’t even that great in the Movie!
wow guys sorry im real rusty...hopefully my entries will get better...lol!!
Well, I woke up this morning in a hammock beside my trailer and just about jumped up the coconut tree it was tied to when something jumped on my bare chest and went screeeeeeeeeeeeech. Oh my living stars, it is that screaming monkey girl Tyra or 'monkey Jack' as she is known on on the set. She is digging in my ear looking for a peanut. I grabbed her and put her down and then Poochie came running up with his keys and laid them at my feet. I tried to explain to both of them that Johnny is the one with the pea...nuts, I just have nuts. hahaha
Anyway, about that time the coconuts started falling out of the trees and Poochie started barking and I looked down and someone had written DORK in sunblock on my chest. I am going to find out who did this if it takes me all day. I am not a DORK, I am Hector Barbossa.
Tyra jumped up on my lap and started combing through my hair and finally found a peanut. I guess someone is out to get me since I didn't turn out to be Anamaria in the last scene of DMC. Not my problem, no siry, and not going to worry about it, not one peanut's worth.
TeePirategirl just strolled up with a "Howdy do, Pardner" and took Poochie to get groomed for his big shot today. That dog looks scruffier and scruffier like they are putting mousse in his hair or something. He sort of looks like Keith on four legs if you want a real Kodak moment in your mind's eye.
Hear comes Lovethemtigers driving her little pony cart and PirateDiva is right beside her on that big white horse.
"Hey Diva, have you seen Willothewisp, I am about ready to go to the set and she said she would be here by now.?"
"No, but I though surely she would be here by now. I guess she may have had to see Dwaine/Bob who is head of security about something."
Well, phooy I am tired of all this waiting around. I am just glad I have my identity back after that last feasco. Well, bless my stars, here comes Tyra and she has a bag of peanuts and Johnny is chasing her. I guess I know who has been leaving peanuts on my person now. OUCH, blast and to heck and back those bloody coconuts are going to be the bane of my existance. Nuts, nuts, peanuts, coconuts, oh just nuts. Arggggggggggggggh.
Last edited by calypso on Jun 2nd, 2007 at 05:04 AM
I am dead, I am dead. Do you understand, I AM DEAD!
I had one bite too many of that scrumptious and saucy Jack Sparrow. Although he didn't taste too much like a bird. Then Davy Jones came calling with his big thumper on the ship and naturally I came up and BOOM I got blown out of the water.
As an actor this is real heartbreaking for me, even though I don't have a heart. Hum, i wonder where I left it. Maybe it is on the ship with licking Jack Sparrow in Davy's locker. Somehow I don't think I get to go to the locker. Does anyone know where I go.
They all called me a big fish. Does no one realize I am a King in the ocean, I am a giant squid.
Please forward all my mail to those great Kraken hunters Pintel and Reggetti. I wish I could have eaten them too. Yum, yum, eat um up.
Last edited by calypso on Jun 2nd, 2007 at 05:18 AM
__________________
"Get that out of my face." "It's not in your face, it's in my hand." "Get what's in your hand out of my face." <3 set by yours truly
I got a knock on my trailer door at approximately 3am this morning...
I thought it might be sad-sack playing knock and run again and was about to induce humourous amounts of pain on him with a baseball bat...
until i opened the door and im met with the sight of Geoffrey in his nylon boxer shorts, hurtling through my doorway.
It wasn't the fact that he barged in without an invite that irritated me...nor was it the fact that no sooner had he intruded, that he went straight for my wine cabinet and decided to pour himself a glass of my expensive wine...
No, it was the fact that he was wearing 'Team Willabeth' shirt that really got my back up.
My blood boiled.
"What the hell is that?" I asked him.
"What?" He asked, acting all innocent. "Oh, this?" He picked at the picture of sad-sack on the left hand side.
"Orlando's been giving them out to anyone who will have them...but keira won't co-operate...mostly because she isn't on the team"
Ha!
Atleast that made two of us!
"What does it stand for, anyway?" geoffrey asked me, pouring yet another glass of wine from my ridiculously priced collection.
To be honest, i wasn't really all that sure...
But i knew there was a war going on somewhere...probably on the internet where people can argue for days about the price of fish, and whose ship is better than whoever's...
Personally, i think my ship is the best...
it's a little yacht currently in the port because it has sprung a leak...i'll never let sad-sack near the wheel ever again...
But amidst all this; one question had not been answered;
What the hell was geoffrey doing in my trailer at 3am drinking my overly-expensive wine?
Well, it turns out that 'trya' the monkey has taken quite a shine to him, and now he's afraid to go home because he might find her in his bed...
Eating his nuts...
You know, if i sold this story to a magazine i would be quids in...
Maybe i should tell sad-sack about it, he could do with a few quid...
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
but i don't like cold food so thats pretty much out of the question.
We dont start filming again for another three days, so i decided to top up on my golden-brown tan on the beach with Jack and Mckenzie...
Bad idea.
I swear, i have never met two more imature idiots in my life!
No sooner had i taken off my top, did they start telling me that i looked like the orange 'tango man'...
THEN they took it upon themselves to squirt me with their water guns.
I just about had enough, when they told me that the wouldn't play around anymore, and that they would be nice to me...
And then they passed me the suncream.
Well, it was all well and good for the first half an hour. I could feel the sun getting hotter and hotter....
Then an hour passed, and then two hours passed...and by that time i felt like a turkey in the oven.
At this current moment in time, i am sitting in minor injuries in a caribbean hospital...
When asked by the Doctor how it was possible that i could mistake cooking oil for sun tan lotion, i looked him directly in the eye and swore at him.
A word of advice;
Never swear at a doctor.
He has too many pointy objects that can be inserted into places that are best left to the imagination.
KMC Community Forums
The Unforgiveable Diaries of AWE!
Jun 1st, 2007 10:40 PM
