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Mairuzu's living words
Started by: Mairuzu

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Mairuzu
Old School Cool

Gender: Male
Location: The bellies

Mairuzu's living words

Just started, tell me what you think.


Endless fire in this watery cage called body
this useless organ and its pointless wills
the face of beauty and despair surrounds me
galloping through my mind up and down these living hills


ready steady, running back for more
day in and day out its such a bore
what is there to run to, heartache or laughter?
confusion surrounds the one you're after


string me along like a dog with no home
waiting endlessly for the toss of a bone
test me, toss me, running back for more
the grip is tighter than ever before


laying patient for the world of sleep
focus on one thing and one thing alone
climbing the walls that are far too steep
i made this world for us to roam


thoughts inaccurate, another wasted piece
painted expressions are known the least
turn to the professional words of experience
flowing through your ears, too important to rinse


opportunity arose, right in front of you
too blind, too stubborn to notice any clues
fight for what you believe in, know what its for
ready steady, you'll see me coming for more.


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TGFwashere

Old Post Jun 12th, 2008 03:24 PM
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Mairuzu
Old School Cool

Gender: Male
Location: The bellies

Working on another song called "Heart Sown Tore"


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TGFwashere

Old Post Jun 12th, 2008 09:52 PM
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Mairuzu
Old School Cool

Gender: Male
Location: The bellies

Most of the lyrics are inside jokes so... meh


Adorkable


She was the unexpected one
like eating ice cream in a trunk
with angel eyes that leave you stunned
such small time, such big fun

So break my knees, on this fountain of hope
upsidedown trees, climbing mountains and slopes
we'll watch boxcoons and birds till the end of time
ill give you a kiss, will you give me mine?

close your eyes now, i'll enter your dream
we're in our own world now, we can do anything
fly through the skies now, we're the king and queen
so open your eyes now, will you stay or leave?


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TGFwashere

Old Post Jul 16th, 2008 04:09 PM
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Mairuzu
Old School Cool

Gender: Male
Location: The bellies

Hope


The beauty of this girl
nothing will change how I feel
shes stuck in my love nightmare
use me, honestly, i don't care

So come with me
lets waste our time together
I'm waiting here, so patiently
I'd wait for you forever
I only hope...


The Power of this girl
the destruction of my world
will you show me you truly care?
cannot give up on beauty this rare


So come with me
lets waste our time together
im waiting here, are you ready
lets do this now or never
My only hope...


find hope for everything
stick to it and you shall see
The love that lasts
keeps us breathing
Its our only, hope...


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TGFwashere

Old Post Jul 16th, 2008 04:14 PM
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Mairuzu
Old School Cool

Gender: Male
Location: The bellies

Sewn Tore



I want to be everything you want to see
but i am only me
take the chance take the fool
or continue down the road you rule



please hold on to me, make me believe
that there could be so much more
even if its just a lie
...a heart sewn tore



I want to be anything else but me
a little to late.
Far down below, all else above
could you really be the one i..



please hold on to me, make me believe
that there could be so much more
even if its just a lie
forever torn.


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TGFwashere

Last edited by Mairuzu on Jul 16th, 2008 at 04:23 PM

Old Post Jul 16th, 2008 04:17 PM
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Selphie
you teasing like you do

Gender: Unspecified
Location: The Land of Bernie Sanders

Re: Mairuzu's living words

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Mairuzu
string me along like a dog with no home
waiting endlessly for the toss of a bone


I really, really like these lines. Keep it up thumb up


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riding high on love's true bluish light

Old Post Jul 16th, 2008 04:51 PM
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Mairuzu
Old School Cool

Gender: Male
Location: The bellies

Thank you


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TGFwashere

Old Post Jul 16th, 2008 04:59 PM
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Lara
Belladonna

Gender: Female
Location: Some where in the Poison Ivy

Interesting stuff. good form, good couplets.

is the rythme purposely irregular?


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be who you are not what they want you to be!

blessed be x

Old Post Jul 17th, 2008 11:37 AM
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Mairuzu
Old School Cool

Gender: Male
Location: The bellies

What do you mean?

I barely started writing stuff a month ago, i was bored one day so i felt like writing down shit i felt haha

im not that good erm


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TGFwashere

Last edited by Mairuzu on Jul 17th, 2008 at 04:34 PM

Old Post Jul 17th, 2008 04:31 PM
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Mairuzu
Old School Cool

Gender: Male
Location: The bellies

Just wrote this about 5 min ago


Let it last



I try, oh how I try,
to show those feelings I hide
How unhealthy it is i know
forgive me, I'm just so slow.
I try.

I hope you don't end what has just begun
I can only sit and stare as I watch you run
Grab me by the wrist and lead the way
to where we can last and not leaving me a stray

Goodbye my love, goodbye
painful emptiness inside
for this goodbye shall be the last
all thats left now is the past
goodbye.


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TGFwashere

Old Post Jul 17th, 2008 05:01 PM
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Because I can
Defenestration

Gender: Unspecified
Location: Everywhere you don't want me to be

its pretty awesome if you had only just started

quite like it


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Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence
Thanks Scythe for the awesome sig

Old Post Oct 9th, 2008 10:23 AM
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Lara
Belladonna

Gender: Female
Location: Some where in the Poison Ivy

I just read the whole thread again and your work has the same quality about it, that my early stuff did.

This shows alot of promise. The pace of your work the same as mine, fitting the words together to a steady, regular, metered flow.Makes it alot easier to read.

Perhaps try playing with word alternatives, you know like taking a common place word and subing it for a word meaning the same thing, but less often used. This creates a challenge to see if you can make it fit whilst increasing your language knowledge and vocabulary.

Also some thing else I have a bad habit of doing, that I though I would mention: watch out for streaching the lines outs for too long, especially if most of the poem is made up of short lines.
Be careful with the placement of commas and full stops.

If I could be bothered I'd post a few examples for you but I'm, at work and have to be careful not to get caught on here. big grin hope this helps.

BTW: really like what I have read so far, cant wait for the next lot.


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be who you are not what they want you to be!

blessed be x

Last edited by Lara on Oct 9th, 2008 at 11:00 AM

Old Post Oct 9th, 2008 10:58 AM
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jadeily
Puddin' Pop

Gender: Female
Location:

Woo Mai happy
Really like the poems, keep them coming!

Old Post Oct 13th, 2008 10:14 PM
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Ya Krunk'd Floo
Moving with the swell.

Gender: Male
Location: West of the Sun.

intake


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Full fathom five thy father lies;
Of his bones are coral made;
Those are pearls that were his eyes:
Nothing of him that doth fade
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange.

Old Post Feb 20th, 2009 08:50 AM
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