Hubby comes home and sees wifey with another man in bed, and says to wife "I am going to get my gun and shoot my self in the head and then shoot you in the head", wife looks over at other man and says
"I told you he was stupid".
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
a bartender has a talking horse but the horse hadn't been talking to the Bartender for a few years now so the Bartender put out a sign "a compounded bucket of money to whoever can make my horse smile"
people see the sign and add a coin in to make the horse smile but it doesnt work, more and more people try but the horse doesnt smile so the bucket grows with money.
1 day a cowboy walks in, looks at the sign and goes into the back to see the horse. 5 minutes later laughter erupts from the back and people see that the horse is lauging so the cowboy takes his bucket of money and leaves.
the horse wouldnt stop laughing so after a few days the Bartender makes a new sign "bucket of compounded coins to who can make the horse cry". once again people come to make it cry but fail and the money in the bucket grows with each contender.
a year later the cowboy comes back, sees the sign and goes in the back to the still laughing horse, 3 minutes later he comes out and the horse is crying. the cowboy takes him money and leaves
on his way out the Bartender stops the cowboy and asks "what did you do"?
Cowboy "a year ago i made the horse laugh by saying i had a bigger dick than him"
Bartender "and to make him cry"?
Cowboy "i showed him". the cowboy winks and leaves