Gender: Male Location: The Darkest Corner of your Mind
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My #NoFap Experience
Over this weekend, I ended my nearly two-month long NoFap streak. Why did I quit?
The folks in that community addressed my concerns and told me I was doing it for the wrong reasons.
I started NoFap because I felt I was becoming too dependent on the dopamine rush accompanying masturbation. I needed it to go to sleep, and I relied on it to relive stress accompanying college exams and such. I'd say that 70% of the time my sessions lasted under two minutes. I treated it like a drug, and I hated the actual chore of 'doing the dirty thing'.
Now there were a few times in between where I would genuinely 'enjoy myself' by taking it slow, reading an erotic fan fiction to one of my fantasy female crushes (e.g Raven), maybe watching a high-quality, intimate love-making session and analogize it to one of my crushes, etc. These sessions were a treat and typically happened inconsistently based on my emotions. They weren't a chore, but I still hated the 'low' feeling that occurred after orgasm.
Anyway, my reasons for NoFap eventually evolved into me wanting to completely abstain from sexual acts, thoughts, etc. I was beginning to realize that I was being easily manipulated by women in my day-to-day life because I was thinking with my penis, so to speak. My social-intelligence is not that great either, so I knew that if I didn't get rid of this biological attraction to women I'd end up becoming a cuck or tool in the future. My judgement was completely screwed because of testosterone.
Here is what I observed about my behaviors before, during, and after NoFap.
Pre-NoFap: I was your typical hormonal teenager. Fapped nearly every day of the week. Had a normal attraction to women and sex, but it wasn't overwhelming. I could contain myself, but my thoughts allowed women to manipulate me, use their superior social/emotional intelligence against me: In school, at work, even online. It accepted that this was my biggest weakness and it needed to stop.
1-2 weeks into NoFap: I was feeling great. My energy levels were up. I was feeling more ambitious than usual. I felt slightly more focused mentally. In the gym, at school; my efficiency increased as I utilized this 'boost'. I was still able to ignore women when I needed to, but I wasn't immune to the problems I originally had.
1 month into NoFap: I noticed I was becoming more irritable and easily aggravated. Women were beginning to distract me in ways they didn't before. Even in modest clothing my mind couldn't stop creating unwanted sexual fantasies about the women in my day-to-day life. Clearly this was beginning to back-fire as my original problems were being made worse, not better. The only plus was that my ambition continued to increase, but my academic focus in the classroom was greatly hindered due to the girls.
The final days of NoFap: Basically everything just went to shit and I was beginning to lose my mind. I wish I was living in Saudi Arabia just so I wouldn't have to see women exposed. My thoughts were constantly being overwhelmed with sexual images and I couldn't focus on anything.
I honestly felt like this all the time:
The T-X is women. I am the terminator.
T-X has corrupted my mind with sexual thoughts. I cannot control my bodily wants, but my mind is trying to resist. Desire is very relevant, and I am not a machine. My mission is to ensure that the foundation is put in place to allow the rise of transhumanist technologies and if needed AI takeover. Me succumbing to animal instincts would be me failing my mission, so I basically shut myself down.
End of NoFap: So I went wild for the next 2-3 days, but it was not without serious consequence. Here I am now, and combined with the anti-androgen treatment I was doing (spearmint tea), my testosterone levels completely plummeted. I feel completely apathetic, I don't feel a need to pursue my ambitions or goals, My sexual attraction women has diminished greatly (though it is still present). Worst of all, I cannot draw from the dark-side of the force. When I try to call upon feelings of anger, I get nothing. I can't even seem to get myself angry. I've become emotionless. As a self-proclaimed Sith, this is extremely problematic since our energy is drawn from passion.
I no longer feel a need to pursue immortality, a lucrative/prestigious career, or even higher education. My low testosterone levels are now endangering my future and health. I might even say I'm becoming depressed. I've greatly diminished my attraction to women, but I don't think it's worth the consequences.
I'm very lost and am not sure as to how to proceed. It seems I can never have it both ways. I will be receiving chaste tree berries soon to accompany the spearmint treatment; it will likely worsen my current condition. It's like the fire powering the ship's boilers are extinguished and now my vessel is floating dead at sea.
I don't know if this is purely due to the testosterone or serotonin levels. Are the two correlated? I don't know the answers.
I seek your opinions and remain open to advice as long as you can justify it.
I'm not proofreading this so sorry for typos and simplistic/repetitive sentence structures. I was just pouring out my thoughts rapid fire.
__________________ "Technology equals might!" "Evolve or perish"
__________________ Chicken Boo, what's the matter with you? You don't act like the other chickens do. You wear a disguise to look like human guys, but you're not a man you're a Chicken Boo.
I can read quite fast actually. You tried not "fapping". At first you felt great, then you didn't.
Then it's some stuff about the dark side and you being a sith.
__________________ Chicken Boo, what's the matter with you? You don't act like the other chickens do. You wear a disguise to look like human guys, but you're not a man you're a Chicken Boo.
__________________ Chicken Boo, what's the matter with you? You don't act like the other chickens do. You wear a disguise to look like human guys, but you're not a man you're a Chicken Boo.
I read the first sentence then skipped to the last three sentences.
You should really get laid, Kurk. Preferably in a stable relationship with a woman or man (let's be honest, you're probably gay or at least bi) End this incel-rage nonsense; it's not doing you any good.
__________________ Chicken Boo, what's the matter with you? You don't act like the other chickens do. You wear a disguise to look like human guys, but you're not a man you're a Chicken Boo.
__________________ Chicken Boo, what's the matter with you? You don't act like the other chickens do. You wear a disguise to look like human guys, but you're not a man you're a Chicken Boo.
Gender: Male Location: The Darkest Corner of your Mind
Account Restricted
I'm an undergrad student.
Don't you understand that's where my power is drawn from? Apathy is the way of failure. I secretly admire the incel ragers as I fantasize about harnessing their power and leading them collectively to victory.
__________________ "Technology equals might!" "Evolve or perish"
The good thing about incels like Kurk and Surtur, they fall into the 99.999~% of the incel-ragers, they won't actually go out and shoot people and/or run them over with a vehicle, the worst they'll do is not be polite by not holding a door open for the mother with a stroller walking behind them and then quietly smugly laugh how they're sticking it to the matriarchy.
I love how you have to bring me up in threads that have nothing to do with me. Shows the Surtur Derangement Syndrome is running strong in you.
__________________ Chicken Boo, what's the matter with you? You don't act like the other chickens do. You wear a disguise to look like human guys, but you're not a man you're a Chicken Boo.
Lol the topic is about Kurk kiddo. I'm not an incel, despite how many times you desperately try to claim so.
Try to cure that SDS.
__________________ Chicken Boo, what's the matter with you? You don't act like the other chickens do. You wear a disguise to look like human guys, but you're not a man you're a Chicken Boo.
__________________ Chicken Boo, what's the matter with you? You don't act like the other chickens do. You wear a disguise to look like human guys, but you're not a man you're a Chicken Boo.
KMC Community Forums
Jul 9th, 2018 05:14 PM
