"Last summer, a new client (I’ll call him Cameron) reached out to me shortly after being discharged from an inpatient psychiatric unit. I’m a psychiatrist who works mostly with young adults in the LGBTQ community. Cameron had required hospitalization because he’d been planning his suicide so carefully that he composed his own obituary, with instructions for his funeral. A pharmacopeia of pills and even electroconvulsive therapy had scarcely put a dent into his intent to kill himself. The psychiatric unit, it should be noted, hadn’t actually offered him the safest environment; one night he’d woken up with his roommate’s penis in his mouth.
Cameron traced his decline to a few months prior, when he and his long-term boyfriend decided to open their relationship. After many years of monogamy, he was now re-entering the dating game, and it unnerved him. He became increasingly preoccupied that he would become the subject of gossip in the small, tight-knit queer enclave where he and his partner lived. And not just any gossip: He became fixated on an incident from his childhood. After years of sexual abuse by his father, he once approached a younger boy and offered a sexual favor. Though the other boy declined, Cameron never let go of his shame about what he’d tried to do. Now, with a newly open relationship, all he could think about was that terrible skeleton in his closet as he scrolled through dating apps. He felt certain it would somehow come out, and when it did, he would be blacklisted not only from dating but from polite society. To cope with his fears, he began repeatedly asking his partner for reassurance. Sometimes he’d check social media to see if the news of his youthful transgression was making public rounds. But nothing could convince him he was in the clear.
I realized the reason so many treatments for Cameron’s depression had failed (some leaving him worse off) was because its root had not been addressed. Cameron was depressed because he had OCD. The form of his OCD was not the kind you may be familiar with from TV characters like The Big Bang Theory’s Sheldon Cooper, with his classic contamination phobia, or neurotic detective Adrian Monk, who lived his life in a perpetual state of cleaning and symmetricalizing. What had taken over Cameron’s life were obsessional fears of being canceled. And this was paired with compulsive reassurance-seeking that consumed his time and exhausted those around him."
It's more that he feels shame for what he did, but also fears the real-life and social media consequences of people wanting to lynch him because of what he did, ultimately culminating in an attempted suicide and then being hospitalized. "What if this person comes forward with this story and everyone who reads it hates me, what if I lose my place of living, no one will ever hire me again, people will look at me on the streets?"
The psychiatrist handling the case says Cameron's depression was brought on by his OCD. Not "cancel culture."
It's pretty cut and dry -- a mentally ill person had a mentally ill response that led to their suicide.
It's interesting to document how their OCD manifested, yes, but it's ultimately still the OCD at play here. They literally could have fixated on any number of things. As the psychiatrist points out, this is no different from OCD manifesting as germaphobia with constant hand washing.
Last edited by StyleTime on Aug 23rd, 2022 at 08:32 AM
You are mentally ill if you commit suicide because of something someone MIGHT do to you, out of paranoia. And if it's out of fear of having your feelings hurt...just toughen up already.
__________________
"I'm not smart so much as I am not dumb." - Harlan Ellison
"toughen up already" is not a helpful phrase. You're already inferring they're weak and weak minded people tend to believe what they're told.
The thing about suicide is it's something a person can do that will affect others without any repercussions. Think about it. They can do something to themselves creatively and whatever happens afterwards won't affect them emotionally in any way because they would be dead. You can't kill a dead man.
__________________ Sig by Nuke Nixon Last Edited by Blakemore on Jan 1st, 2000, at 00:00 AM
I 100% agree, but it's more then just his feelings, he's essentially afraid something he did as a (I'm assuming) teen will end up coming out and completely ruining his life.
In today's day and age, what's revealed about you on social media can lose you so much, you could be confronted in person by people who recognize you and now know what you did, you could lose your job and hell, even get evicted from your apartment, all because of something you, or in this case, he did as essentially a kid.
The way I see it, his head was ****ed up (if he wasn't a teen thats a bit more serious, but the way it's talked about it's heavily implied he wasn't an adult yet) and he made a very stupid mistake, his father was molesting him and that's some serious psychological damage.
But even if you don't have a presence on social media doesn't save you from being recognized or attacked, it doesn't save you from getting rejected at a job interview, and it doesn't mean you'll have your apartment if the guy who owns the place finds out about it. Some people I've seen have even shown threats of real physical violence and goes to confront said person in person. I personally am on social media and youtube a lot, so maybe to most it looks overblown but if you are on there it's really, really bad.
There was this dude CallMeCarson who got "canceled" once cause he had a ****ing relationship with a 17-year-old as a 19-year-old, which is ridiculous, but if you'd said that at the time you'd be lynched.
Also "worrying" is kind of OCD's whole thing, to a person with OCD they can't ever stop worrying about what MIGHT happen even if there's like a 0.00000001% chance of it happening.
TL;DR I agree with you but also sympathize with dude (if he was a teen when it happened.)
Could you give examples of someone being unfairly "canceled" over something they did as a minor?
....shitty behavior has consequences? That sounds great, actually.
CallMeCarson was also exchanging nudes with a different 17 year old while he was 20. Him taking some time off seems pretty appropriate. He wasn't in a relationship with either one btw. Most people would understand a small age difference in a relationship around that 17/18 transitional period, but these were just random underage fans he started sexting with. It's not a great look.
He wasn't thrown in prison(nor was anyone realistically calling for that) and he still streams though. Not seeing the problem here.
Last edited by StyleTime on Aug 23rd, 2022 at 04:09 PM
I have OCD so I'm just speaking on what he's likely going through from the point of view of someone who has the disorder and also has never had much treatment for it. I'm not saying he'd be canceled, but what I meant to say is that he's likely to fear that outcome even if it's very unlikely.
It doesn't matter if it's logical, you still fear it, also I don't think it's fair to persecute someone (depending on what they did) based on their mental state. He was getting molested by his dad wasn't he?
With regard to exchanging nude photos, the age difference is irrelevant. If they were under 18, then their images are considered child pornography. It is a crime for them to take and share those photos, and it is a crime for him to solicit and receive them. No nudes until everyone is 18, folks.
My thoughts: Feel bad for him that his POS father sexually abused him when he was a kid, but him trying to have sex with a "younger boy" makes him a POS in turn
He's lucky the younger guy didn't take him up on his sexual offer, otherwise he'd be a child molester/rapist. He should count himself lucky, move on and never even think of trying this again
where do the excuses end? after all, the father could have easily been sexually abused by his own father, back and back through every generation to when noah fingered his son's butthole. i guess nobody had a choice
__________________
Your Lord knows very well what is in your heart. Your soul suffices this day as a reckoner against you. I need no witnesses. You do not listen to your soul, but listen instead to your anger and your rage.
Last edited by Bashar Teg on Aug 23rd, 2022 at 09:09 PM
We don't necessarily know how old cameron was at the time. I think even 17 year olds are legally allowed to **** 12 year olds in most states yeah? Of course I'm not saying that's right, not at all, but even if that were the case he wouldn't be breaking the law.
And if we're talking 17 and 14 or something then that's not even really an issue, that's more down to people's personal gripes with age gaps.
I really don't think he was an adult when he propositioned the dude, I couldn't prove it but it's worded in a way that he was a teen.
I think mental state is an excuse actually @Bashar. And his father getting molested by his father and molesting his own child in turn is far different (and would absolutely be wrong) then someone currently getting molested by their father that day and saying to someone "hey, you wanna ****?"
I'm not sure people are understanding, this wasn't some recent thing, it's stated to be something that happened a long time ago, likely 10+ years or more. And if that is the case... I ask, what the hell do we do? Lock him up for something really stupid he did as a kid? If he had actually gone through with it I'd understand.
Moreover it's stated that he asked and the dude said no, not that he grabbed the kid and tried to force himself on him. If Cameron was an adult I will gladly eat my words, hell even if he was 17.
I just don't believe a dude who is clearly suffering and wanting to commit suicide should have people cheering him on to do so, just because he made someone a bit uncomfortable, ESPECIALLY given the circumstances.
Whether you like it, people are heavily influenced by the actions of others, guys who beat their wives are usually also influenced by parents where they also saw their father's from a young age beat their wives.
Frankly I think it's rather messed up that any human would say that its entirely his fault, anyone can do anything under the right circumstances. You may believe you are a great person, but your development could've been completely changed, your sense of right and wrong based on what happened to you as a child or teen.
I'm not saying it was okay, but I am saying it's unfair to judge him as a horrible person especially when he feels horrible about it both because he did it in the first place and also because he lives in constant fear of what will happen because of it to the point he's literally wanting to die and actively planning out his own suicide.
The point I'm making is, what would anyone expect him to do? What if he was too young to get locked up for such a thing so even if he attempted to turn himself in nothing would happen?
And yes I am basing my entire post off the fact I believe he was a teenager (under 18) and not an adult. My perspective changes immensely if he was an adult.
I have tried to write this as nicely as I can without trying to offend or piss anyone off. I know some people believe it doesn't matter what you're going through, it doesn't justify what you're going through, only that your actions hurt people.
I feel for the kid as well, I would be tremendously freaked out if something like that happened to me, but if I grew up and learned what was happening to said dude, I'd feel bad. I wouldn't if he grabbed me and tried to force himself on me, but if he asked even in the mindset of who I was as a child I would be very freaked out.
Remember it doesn't say "young" boy, it says "young-er" boy, which in this case leads me to believe he, or maybe even both of them, were teens.
I was not molested as a child, but I was abused pretty bad and had an extremely rough childhood, and I can tell you now the difference between how I am now to how I'd be if I wasn't subjected to such. Even stuff like lots of yelling has changed how I talk to people in real life.
It's also a crime to have nudes of yourself when you are under 18 and you can be charged with it, which I think is a little odd. I understand why they do it though, to protect kids as kids do very dumb things with nude photos that adults are very unlikely to do.
Honestly if you're old enough to have sex in person you should be old enough to send dick pics though lol.
I totally agree that it best to err on the side of caution, but some states do allow close-in-age defenses in court even for sexting in an ongoing relationship(Indiana for example). Of course, then you're taking your chances on winning a court room battle. Best to avoid it entirely.
I'm not sure you really understand what we're saying. Everyone, here at least, agrees that someone shouldn't be persecuted because of their OCD.
You started the thread by implying that "cancel culture" is to blame. It read like a veiled attempt to go the whole "cancel culture is going too far!" route. We're pointing out that it was their mental illness that leadsto this. Not "cancel culture."
Many states are updating their laws to include provisions for minors, although change is slow.
Prosecutors don't always choose to prosecute either, which makes his muddy.
Last edited by StyleTime on Aug 24th, 2022 at 04:50 PM
The first point makes sense. Yes, an OCD person might obsessively fear the thing they fixate on, and yes, the fear is real even if it is illogical.
But your second point goes off the rails. If the fear is illogical, then nobody is actually about to persecute Cameron for this moment from his childhood. This isn't about the threat of cancel culture, it's about Cameron's warped sense of cancel culture (due to OCD and, by the sounds of it, various sexual trauma)
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Aug 22nd, 2022 01:29 PM
