Never Been Kissed Review
by "Walter Frith" (wfrith AT cgocable DOT net)April 2nd, 1999
'Never Been Kissed' (1999)
A movie review by Walter Frith
[email protected]
Member of the 'Online Film Critics Society'
http://www.ofcs.org
Filled with the worst kind of popular tripe, 'Never Been Kissed' is the ultimate focus group movie. Every detail of the film's script, and other (for lack of a better term) academics have been scrutinized and marketed to an audience where only one core group, high school senior girls, will appreciate it. The film's wardrobe, high school atmosphere, teenage and teacher stereotypes as well as a totally unbelievable story make this movie more than a waste of time and that is an understatement. It runs 110 minutes but feels more like two and a half hours.
Drew Barrymore plays Josie Geller, a 25 year old copy editor at the Chicago Sun Times (I wonder what Roger Ebert will think of this movie), who goes undercover as a 17 year old to do a story of high school life in 1999. But there is much more to the plot than that. Josie is a virgin and has never been kissed. She was ridiculed throughout her time in high school by class mates who played cruel and unusual jokes on her. In those days, she wore her hair like a cave woman, had braces on her teeth and wore baggy overall dresses. Even her supposed date for the high school prom showed up at her front door by passing by in a fully equipped limo and stuck his head through the sun roof, producing a stunning female companion next to him and they hurled eggs at Josie in her prom dress and laughed as they continued to drive by. This assignment by the paper sort of gives Josie a second chance to "fit in".
The pranks come fast and furiously upon her return to school as three conceited Barbie doll wannabes (Jessica Alba, Marley Shelton, Jordan Ladd) make fun of her using guys at the school that they have trained to obey them and they accuse Josie of wearing an outfit that became extinct in 1983. Josie falls for her English teacher (Michael Vartan) who is one of only three appealing characters in the film. The other two are Josie's brother (David Arquette) and a girl who befriends her at school (Leelee Sobieski). The other characters in the film are a complete throwaway. They are Josie's head boss (Garry Marshall?), her other superior (John C. Reilly) and the office tramp (Molly Shannon).
'Never Been Kissed', for those who will like it, will probably find it comparable later in life to a record you bought when you were in high school but hated it when you were well into your adult years. The film is also extremely tasteless in many scenes. It makes fun of high school metal detectors, getting high, alleged safe sex involving bananas as a demo, and drug use among some minority groups. Drew Barrymore, who served as executive producer, also looked very confusing in this film. Her weight seemed to shift from scene to scene. In one scene she had a double chin and her clothes made her look plump. At other times she looked fine but these factors kept switching back and fourth throughout the run of the movie.
Director Raja Gosnell ('Home Alone 3'), photographs the film in an extremely ordinary way. The pace Gosnell gives the film is like wading through heavy snow. There is no real focus to the story. This mess looks and feels like a series of out takes from a bad movie.
There is a movie from 1985 entitled 'Just One of the Guys' where an extremely attractive female high school reporter proves she can be taken seriously when she assumes the disguise of a boy, transfers to another school and does her job. That film knew how to enter the appealing side of your mind and having seen it when I was 19, I still enjoy it at 33. 'Never Been Kissed' is de facto entertainment. And a couple of guys in the back row of the theatre where I saw it were actually hurling humourous insults at the screen which was the best part of the film. The film is like many other recent teenage rumblings getting more and more popular in film and making a mockery of the greatest medium in the world and infecting it like a cancer.
Unlike promotional materials for 'I Still Know What You Did Last Summer' and 'Cruel Intentions', where Jennifer Love Hewitt and Sarah Michelle Gellar's breasts were used as shameful marketing tools, 'Never Been Kissed' at least looked appealing going in. Too bad its execution was a total failure.
OUT OF 5 > zero
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* * * * * - a must see
* * * * 1/2 - don't miss it
* * * * - an excellent film
* * * 1/2 - a marginal recommendation
* * * - can't quite recommend it
* * 1/2 - don't recommend it
* * - avoid it
* 1/2 - avoid it seriously
* - avoid it AT ALL COSTS
1/2 - see it at your own risk
zero - may be hazardous to your health
More on 'Never Been Kissed'...
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